Guirigay and Sweetie Pie’s PaRedux It’s all true and it never really happened…

"Sandie, Super-Cali-Non-Fragilly Mo Fo Badazz Sandie is in the house"

Hahahahaha Damn right!

....ON with the FLOP!

We are all starting to get into our pre-game. Rounds of courage are ordered and quickly consumed. There is a gathering at the Flop House, the Temple of Zoom, The Pre-Hit Hit Hut, The Head Shed, the Ganjzebo, the Clown Canopy, or as I referred to it – The Athletes Tent. It’s a good Old Time Revival as we check our heads. It’s confirmed that sanity has left the premises…

I’m sitting in a corner of the Green Room trying to inflate a few pool toys inconspicuously when I hear Brasi behind me giving the welcome. Before I know it Brasi has done his exhibition flop! Crap, I missed it! And I’m supposed to do something… What the hell am I supposed to do? Eventually I remember that I’m supposed to thank the… wait, what am I supposed to say? I go up and spit something out vaguely similar in a halting WTF did he just say sort of way. Then I try to introduce MuzikDoc as the first official flopper drawn at random. Only his card says “2”… I’m thinking, “Oh, this is going to go well…” when MuzikDoc gets pulled from the flop line at the last moment.

The judges need to get their scoring system straightened out. The crowd gets anxious and boisterous and Marley has to shoosh them. “This is complicated!” She informs the rowdy crowd. I don’t think they cared… I’m trying to shuffle off my cartloads of flop gear to the prep room without too many people noticing. Returning to the Hack Shack I see Ninja in some sort of martial art focus routine… funny, though, it looked a little like the Three Stooges Curly face wipe with a Red Stripe hat on… How does that work, dude? Cause it clearly works…

So the Judges are ready and MuzikDoc steps to the edge and BOOM! He just crushes it. Perfect form… arms, legs and head arched slightly back, belly extended and making first contact, loud and a giant splash! We’re not effin’ around here, MuzikDoc has thrown down a gauntlet and it appears to be forged of Valyrian steel. The judges are duly impressed, awarding nearly straight 3’s. If he hadn’t been the FIRST flopper they would have been straight 3’s. I applaud with concern.

There is more confusion at the judges table about the flop order but eventually Drummerboy steps to the edge. He has been commenting on the need to do something different, he carries a handicap in this event similar to mine but greater. His plan is to offset his size with athleticism and he takes a running start to a very high twisting leap. He gets UP there. But he only turns 180 degrees and as he comes down he snaps his back to impact the water. He has committed the Rookies mistake, back flopping at a BELLY FLOP competition. He gets high marks for style and splash but gets marked way down for impact. This is particularly funny because Gerry is standing right behind the judges as they are dogging Drummerboy for back flopping at a belly flop. Still, Drummerboy has racked up some decent points on a back flop!

I just want to say that I came prepared to play as many angles as I could to give myself an opportunity to win. A HIGHLY competitive spirit is an integral part of the dark side of my personality. It can lead to some of my more regrettable actions. Fortunately, with this event, I think I channeled that competitiveness in a manner that created rather than destroyed. I know I walked away feeling closer to my competitors even though I pulled out ALL the stops. I tried to pull all the levers I could, play any card I could think of – I tried to elicit laughter and amazement, I tried to impress, I tried to pull heartstrings, ‘cause lord knows I wasn’t going to push a lot of water. Oh, and I also took advantage of every lax rule I was aware of, the primary being BRIBERY! Oh, yes, I bribed. As was clearly stated in the pre-flop rules, bribery was not only legal, as far as the judges were concerned it was kind of expected… Well, hell, I’m all over that.

I had hit a few of the judges up with their complimentary flop souvenirs before the contest but as Gerry is getting ready to go, I notice BeccaJean is admiring one of the bribes. I quickly grab another “Gift” and present it to Becky with my warmest regards.

I’m feeling the squeeze as I watch the Mighty Californian step to the edge… He steps back and takes a running approach to the pool and… and he BACK FLOPS! I’m gonna say the impact is huge and the wave is tsunamic but he BACK FLOPPED! Now I’ve watched the replay on this and I’m convinced it’s because Gerry has a misunderstanding of the rules, thinking it’s the best of two flops to move on not the combined of two flops and he wants to save his best for last. But it’s not and I see the door open a crack. Still he gets good scores for everything but impact. The wave was insane, watch the video. So I’m still feeling like there isn’t much operating room in the field.

I’m kind of fidgeting around as Ninja steps to the edge and I actually miss his flop, I just catch this huge plume of water shooting skyward and the crowd going wild. I turns out I never actually see ANY of Ninja’s flops but the Splash-Plume-Applause routine would be repeated throughout the afternoon. “Perfect Score!!” Marley announces with perhaps just a little TOO much enthusiasm. I’m thankful that she’s ONLY the scorekeeper/rules judge/booking VP/resident goddess and wonder if my bribery of her couldn’t have been better used elsewhere… :o Ninja has rocked the first 10 (which by our convoluted scoring structure was actually a 36! :D ) of the day and I’m seeing some difficulty working my way into the top four even if I nail my execution plan. There is, after all, a huge hole in the plan given the judging criteria. Better hope those bribes were effective…

I’ve kind of guesstimated how long it will take me to get ready and how long the flops are taking and think I better get in the prep room. Brasi and I scoped out the pool shower and changing room before the flop and I head there. There IS a problem… I’m going to have to walk around three quarters of the pool to get to the flop launch. That is going to be a LONG ways in my get up. I start with the flippers, full size ScubaPro flippers designed to insure I eat pavement momentarily. I tie a shark kite around my chest. A poor substitute for a manatee love pillow, I know. Sorry, classic oversell. I hear Brasi holler, “Mr. Booger!” and I pop my head out the door to see a massive spread eagle drop. Impressive. And unhelpful.

I continue with the prep as Booger’s score is announced. A couple of kiddie animal float rings around the waist, these concern me and rightfully so. Good score for Booger, a 33, and Sandie is up. I pull on a shower cap and swim goggles on my forehead and catch Sandie doing some crazy Flashdance routine before laying it ALL out there. Awesome woman, love and respect, can’t wait to night dive with you at Catcha. As our lovely Tizzy commented so perfectly, “Sorry Babe…” She nails style but gets dinged on both splash and impact. I’m pulling on baby arm floats and opening a package of dishwashing gloves when Brasi announces me and someone is flinging the door open.

I’m just trying to pull my gloves on as the door swings wide, not easy in the tropical heat. I waddle a little bit letting my flippers poke out the door and hear some laughs. Just as I pull on my second glove Indy Cindy pokes her head in and I get the kind of response I’m hoping for. Now if only I can move. I shuffle out the door and there’s some big laughs. I try to put on my Caesar’s Triumphant Entrance face, I think it’s more commonly known as a smirk. Instead of a slave at my side there’s an idiot in my head that keeps repeating, “All glory is fleeting.” For the next few moments only a few things run through my mind – Lift Your Feet, Swing Your Arms (more important than you might think) and Look Triumphant. Lift, Swing, Smirk… Hey I think I’m going to make it all the way around! I stop for a monster slam of my competitors card on the judges table, the reception is good. I continue around the pool making a good save from disaster as I wheel around to the launch point. I try to continue my exaggerated motions through my launch, first cartoon running in place then slowly stepping to the edge, swinging my arms, launching and, well, floating actually…

The crowd is pretty amped so no matter what, I’m happy. Primary mission achieved. Big smile on my face and I’m pretty much laughing for a while. They give me 4’s across the board for style, 4’s for splash (SEE the bribery DID pay off!) and dis me on impact. That’s OK, I mean I basically bounced off the surface of the water… Acceptable. And better yet, I exceed perfection, pulling in a total score of 37!

I’m laughing in the pool as Gonjon steps up to the edge. He moves things around to get the longest runway he can. He takes a sprint with a big launch and lays out a huge brain hanging flying cross. And he lands a classic, massive Willy Whacker, a Crotch Crusher, a Fertility Fixer… I cringe when he lands. It is the most painful flop off the day, I’m certain. He is rewarded with a 37 as well, but that is really beside the point. Jon had temporarily lost focus and allowed the spirit of competition to take over. His focus on possible fleeting glory had blurred his understanding of achieved fleeting glory and put at risk his future certain fleeting glory. He made a correction…

Hoping that Daisy and Markus would make it back from Mandeville we had kept the competition open until the end of the first round. With them still absent and no other takers from the crowd the competitive field is closed, all markers are on the table. Whatcha gonna do now?

Gonna be on the move until the middle of next week, I'll try to have an update ready then. Have a great Memorial Day, everyone, I plan to. :)

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Originally Posted by Guirigay

I’m laughing in the pool as Gonjon steps up to the edge. He moves things around to get the longest runway he can. He takes a sprint with a big launch and lays out a huge brain hanging flying cross. And he lands a classic, massive Willy Whacker, a Crotch Crusher, a Fertility Fixer… I cringe when he lands. It is the most painful flop off the day, I’m certain. He is rewarded with a 37 as well, but that is really beside the point. Jon had temporarily lost focus and allowed the spirit of competition to take over. His focus on possible fleeting glory had blurred his understanding of achieved fleeting glory and put at risk his future certain fleeting glory. He made a correction…

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It was a beautiful flop...

...and Sandie was a flashdance superstar. Nice job on the play by play...but surely it doesn't end here???

Guiri - I am still amazed you didn't eat concrete with those flippers on!

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Originally Posted by wpyogi

Guiri - I am still amazed you didn't eat concrete with those flippers on!

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I know, I was watching the footage and I was amazed at the amount of air you gained! That was impressive! I would have just fallen over backwards, you were like bird, Guirigay! Great form!

I'm loving this trip report, it's so much fun to read. You've got me cracking up. Very dramatic! The author of "The Hunger Games" has got nothing on you.

Markus was sad that we arrived too late for him to be an official participant but He still got his one jump at the very very end, after the camera crew left. I still can't figure out how he ended up in your speedo though! lol!

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Originally Posted by wpyogi

Guiri - I am still amazed you didn't eat concrete with those flippers on!

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I had the exact same thought. :cool: