This is just too dam# funny! Lovin' every minute of it.
This is just too dam# funny! Lovin' every minute of it.
Loving your guy trip report, but I think we need another book!
i think gals have more fun :-) lol
Would love to hear some details Seveen! Girl style :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Seveen
Happy Birthday Bob!
Yah Mon – thanks for the music and the lyrics . . . your music will live on forever.
Everywhere today I hear Bob’s music and people singing his songs.
What a rain we had last night – wow! But today was hot and clear. About mid-morning I found Fabs walking the beach in front of CoCo. He was just returning from walking Alabama back to Tree House. We decided to go into town to the Cambio (to re-stock) and pick up a few things at Value Master. We flagged a taxi at the White Sands gate and climbed in. The driver asked us where we were from.
“Canada,” Fabs answered.
“Ahh, me ‘ere dat Canada is very cool, mon. You very lucky to live in such a very beautiful country. Me would really like to go up dere someday,” the driver said.
“You really want to go up there?” Fabs asked.
“Yah, mon.”
“Okay then, I’ll make you a deal, for the next three months, until the end of April, I’ll trade places with you. I’ll take over your taxi and live in your house here in Negril, and you can go up and do my job, live in my house. Whad’yah say?”
The taxi driver looked at Fabs, but didn’t say anything.
“I’m serious,” Fabs continued, “You want to go up to Canada, here’s your chance. But I’m warning you, it’s colder than you can even imagine right now. You ever heard of penile frost bite?”
The driver winced, “No, Mon,” he replied, somewhat bewildered.
“Doesn’t matter,” Fabs said. “Okay, so the first thing you do when you get up to Canada is shovel out my driveway and sidewalk; there are shovels and ice-choppers in the garage. It will be the freezing cold and dark, but you'll have to dig out the driveway so you can get the car out of the garage so that you can go to work. Got It? And there’s gonna be a lot of snow and ice. Have you ever seen snow?”
“No, mon.” Fabs had his attention.
"Have you ever driven a car on glare ice?"
The driver shook his head.
“Okay, well you’ll have to learn quick because you'll be up to your arse in deep snow and ice. And the wind will be blowing a gale – that’s part of the deal too. I’ll stay here, where it’s warm and sunny, and drive people around in this taxi with the windows down and listen to reggae all day. For you back in Canada, it’ll be dark when you get up for work, and you’ll have to dress up in heavy clothes and gloves and big boots, and go into my office, five days a week, and sit in front of a computer all day long and go to boring meetings and talk to stupid people on the phone. Got it? And it’ll be dark when you come home too. How does that sound?”
“I doan know, mon.” The driver shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
“And the guy you’ll be working for is a complete arse-hole, always ordering you to do pointless stuff. And when you finish work, it will be windy and freezing and you have to get into a cold car and warm it up before you can drive away. And you’ll have to shovel more snow when you get back to my place just so you can get the car into the garage. So, do we have a deal?”
The driver smiled and shook his head, “No, mon. Me t’ink me stay ‘ere. Me doan like de cold.”
“Very, very good decision, brother,” Fabs said. “The grass isn’t always greener, you know what I mean?”
We picked up some cash and nibbles for the room.
The day that he arrived, Fabs met two young women on the shuttle from MoBay. He made arrangements to meet them at Rick’s for sunset, so tonight we’re headed up there. We like to visit Rick’s, but only once per trip, it’s just so kitschy and expensive, but there is always a good crowd and a convivial, party mood. We go early, around 4:00, so that we can get one of the tables in the shallow end of the pool. We like to sit there under the umbrella with our feet in the water and watch the evening develop – it offers an excellent vantage point.
Lay-tah!
seems fabs is your alter ego. Not sure why you are ridiculing over-weight women. The guys I am close to do not do this (as per your statement) and my girl friends do not evaluate men as they walk the beach. Your narratives are great, but I don't like the way that you weigh skin.
To each their own. It's his story and it is what it is. I personally don't like it when people nitpick people's travel reports. He did mention at the beginning that their would be guy talk, so you were forewarned.......Quote:
Originally Posted by irieworld
I agree -- even though I have an Atlas body, ha ha ....Quote:
Originally Posted by irieworld
Attachment 9570
nuff said
I think that's just the difference between (some) men and women. Would rather hang out with a fun short fat bald guy with a hairy back than someone like Fabs! Live and learn.
Quote:
Originally Posted by irieworld
No Fabs is not my alter-ego (I don#t have one) Fabs is Fabs - yes, like it or not, there are men like Fabs who walk this earth . . . lots of them.
As for 'ridiculing' over-weight women - I'm not. You made a big assumption there and took a big jump. I love all types of women, skinny, middlin' and over weight. I think the women in the poster that Brasi posted are totally bodacious! I'm writing 'unfiltered' - and I did warn you, I accept that you don't like what I write, and I am okay with it. (FYI - it was a bit difficult for me to post the part that I think upset you - I had to talk myself into it, but I'm not apologizing)
To be clear, Fabs is not my alter ego, he is my friend - this is me. . . .
Attachment 9595
As for blatant female objectification . . . . .how about this??
Attachment 9596
And this??
Attachment 9598
Crap, it didn't quote it all, lol.Quote:
Originally Posted by gerryg123
I agree with the disliking the judging aspect!
K3 your trip report is a good read and it is obvious that you appreciate the people watching that Negril offers all of us. I am enjoying it a bunch in anticipation of our next reach.The fact that some people are not comfortable in their own skin says something about the individual not the people you describe. It's almost as if we are reading bits and pieces of your next book. Keep it up and don't hold back. We'll probably see you walkin' the beach next week. Walk good!
Soon come can't come soon enough!
I was having the same thought. A lot of assumptions going on.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bossman
Don't judge a book by it's cover.....
Kahuna,
It would be nice if it was out before my mid April reach. Hint Hint....
I decided I didn't want to get involved in this. LOL
Good call tfw73......I could see this thread going sideways....way sideways. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by tfw73
And not the GOOD sideways, hahaha!Quote:
Originally Posted by Craig123
The unfiltered part is why its a good read, and any one that does not believe guys think and talk like that come on really!
K3, I just want to thank you for letting us read about your adventures. My girlfriend is the female version of Fabs and I'll have to tell you some stories about her sometime. My husband and I have been to Jamaice eight times and I don't get the same feeling anywhere else. While we're there, something always happens that there are very few people in my day to day life, that I could tell the story unfiltered and they wouldn't look at me and wonder why I go back. It is those unfiltered times, that make me feel alive and keep me going back. I just stumbled across this thread and I had to sign up because I wanted to reply and thank you. My husband and I are headed to Negril in April and it seems about 2 months before our trips, I usually start trolling the internet like a sponge, looking for anything about Negril. I can not wait to get there and your story takes me there mentally. I look forward to reading about more of your adventures.
Thanks
[QUOTE=Kahuna3;34071][SIZE=3][FONT=Arial]We hung out on the deck for a while and tried talking to the guy but he was so stunned he made Mr. Potato Head come off like Stephen Hawking. So we went down to the bar. As we passed the Lolitas, one of them called out to Fabs, “Hey good-lookin’ - wanna hook-up with my Mama?”
What can I say?
Later we saw that same girl headed up to her room (the porn studio) with the big Jamerican. And that, I thought, was a pretty strong argument for selective sterilization....."
I enjoy the trip report, just as it is. Guy Talk don't surprise me - Long before I entered healthcare, I used to drive a cab and I have pretty much seen & heard it all... What does piss me off is how some folks act when they get to Jamaica and do stuff that gives all of us single, plump and over 40 babes a bad name. I come to Jamaica to relax, de-stress and have a good time. That does not mean I am looking to "rent a dread" or any other such nonsense. I like people, I like to enjoy life... I don't enjoy having to overcome negative stereotypes but that's OK - I don't suffer fools and know how to move on. In the end, it's all good.
Peace.
http://www.iberostar.info/ticker/ima...1Xsoon come...
Look forward to the report! My wife & I are newbies to Negril & looking forward to our trip the last week of April. We always go to St. Thomas or Cabo San Lucas & we heard the beach in Negril is amazing! I've also seen something abour Braodie Bash! What's Broadie Bash? We look forward to what you post in the near future.
Seveen read to here!
Kahuna don't let no body turn you around . . . keep trip reporting - i'm enjoying it - my "girls" and i just say "ALERT" when there is something "interesting" walking on the beach - male or female - we are equal opportunity gawkers :-)
Hi Tex and also Hi Rastalady
Go add your names and travel dates to the April Roll Call!
That is the list of all the other boardies who will be in Negril in April (myself and husband included-hope to meet you guys)
Tex- The boardie bash is a get together that happens once a year (the last Friday in April) It is held at the Yellow Bird bar on the 7 mile beach in Negril.
All the boardies who are in town gather at the bar and have a bash. Rob, the moderator of this great website, even holds a webcast there (check realnegril.com to see the list and schedule of all the webcasts so you can tune in and catch one)
It always looks like a fun time and I am excited to finally be attending one for the first time this year! Woo Hoo
See you there!
Shauna (Marley9808)
Not sure what language your useing. :) It's a boardie bash. Bashment is the Jamaican term for a party with loud music & dancing. I think an annual "boardie bashment" is scheduled for April. Peoplw from the message board participate. Not sure of the exact date or place.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tex
People were warned from the start that your trip report would not be censored. I am enjoying every second of it. I love that people like you have the balls to write everything and not change things to suit others needs. Kudos! And now I think I'll have to start reading your books :)
I too am enjoying this report, but as a fan of your books I knew I would.
I think your openess and honesty about the events and even words used describing the "goings on" is exactly what has made me laugh out loud the most.
Fabs is being portrayed exactly as you originally described him to be, and you make no excuses for him as you also originally said. (Why do you think he wouldn't post his picture) lol
Kahuna is letting everyone in on this story (the men of course already know) and the woman are no fool either to how mean or completely direct men can be (in fact, in most situations, I think we can be worse) lol but for the most part this is the stuff women don't get to hear, and I am enjoying it.
Sure Fabs may not be the most P.C. person around, but he is also nowhere near the only one of his kind, and though I don't agree with his outlook or the way he judges women, etc etc I also know that people of like minds usually find each other.
So in most (of course not all) cases, shallow people are attracted to other shallow people, and people do pretty much what they want to do whether in Negril or anywhere else. So Fabs will be drawn to slender women looking for a good time, and those same type women will be drawn to him.....so no one is really being hurt here, are they?
This is the stuff that makes good entertainment!
Thanks for taking us along K3!
"So in most (of course not all) cases, shallow people are attracted to other shallow people..."
Thank god for that. I'd be bored to death talking to that guy. And God forbid if he went near my sisters.
I'm fat. Let's party.
That's what I am saying brasi
If Fabs wasn't interested in me, I would consider myself lucky!
Marley9808,
I am new to the message boards. I just signed up today. I just had to thank K3 for the story.
Excuse me for being a rookie, but how do I find the April Roll Call?
Type in "april roll call" in the white box next to the hourglass button. Then click the hourglass button.
Or click here.
I just wanna say, let's get back to the regularly scheduled trip report! :D
Yep, bbcamp2 is right on
Also you can click on the Negril Message Board in Quick Navigation and just look at all the threads, one of which is the April Roll Call
But there are tons of others and you can read all kinds of stories, questions, answers, etc. This message board is a wealth of information, you will be hooked in no time!
Welcome aboard!
Isn't Fabs short for fabricated?
I am really enjoying this report and Brassi, your funny. haha
Like I said, the girls in the poster are bodacious, but doesn’t the caption 'bones are for dogs' denigrate skinny women? Tell me – what’s wrong with skinny women? :)Quote:
Originally Posted by brasi
Oh Boy!
I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
(G. K. Chesterton 1874 – 1936)
I don’t know where you get the impression that Fabs is shallow. Quite the opposite. He’s actually just a regular hard working guy who happens to eat right and look after his body – why denigrate him for that? So he has a preference for athletic women – does that make him shallow? I’ve noticed that ‘birds of a feather stick together’ ie; athletic people seem to couple with other athletic people. Does that make all of them shallow? As for Fabs’ comments on women – nothing new there, believe me. Maybe some people are envious because Fabs gets a lot of action, but here’s a flash – women are attracted to athletic men. Next time you’re on the beach look around at the athletic Jamaican dudes – they seem to be doing well.
Judge not, brethren.
In two days Fabs will be leaving and my wife will be arriving. After that the ‘guy’ part of this report will be over and that’s the last you’ll hear of Fabs. I’m not sure if I’ll keep posting after that – only because I probably won’t have a lot of ‘cOmPlEtLeLy DifFeReNt’ things to report on, and that was the thrust of this whole thread. I don’t want to be spooning out pabulum under the ‘cOmPlEtLeLy DifFeReNt’ banner. Besides, I expect that by Thursday you will have had quite enough of me.
So, back to the trip report . . . Fabs and I went up to Rick’s yesterday afternoon and we secured our in-pool table. Fabs went to the bar to get a bucket of Coronas.
While he was gone, two good looking women arrived at the pool and sat on the deck with their feet dangling in the water. I was wondering if they were the two that Fabs had arranged to meet. These girls were very good looking, and I mean sizzlin’ – and one of them was a redhead. I kept an eye on them, trying hard not to leer. After a minute or so the redhead put her arm around the other, nuzzled her ear and then gave her a lingering kiss on the cheek.
Oh! – so they were ‘les-B-friends’ of the ‘lipstick’ variety - no lumberjack shirts hanging in their closets. Inexplicably, after the kiss, they suddenly seemed to be even more attractive – exquisitely so. Probably the forbidden fruit affect.
Shortly after the kiss Fabs arrived with the Coronas. He immediately noticed the two women.
“Hey, check out the hotties!” he said.
“Yeah, very hot,” I replied. I didn’t tell him that they played on Ellen’s team.
“I like the one with the curly hair,” he said.
“Yep, she’s mighty purdy.”
“I’m gonna go for a swim,” Fabs announced, smiling lecherously. He stood up and did his best, slow – ‘look-at-my-physique-ladies’ removal of his tank top, then waded into the deeper part of the pool. He duck-dived and surfaced about five feet from the two women. He flipped his long hair back then ran his fingers through it, making sure to flex his biceps and deltoids as he did so. How could any woman resist?
The two girls paid him no attention.
Fabs played around in the pool a bit more, fishing for their attention and a smile. Nothing - they weren’t the least bit interested in his antics. They were engrossed in an animated conversation between themselves.
Fabs went to the opposite side of the pool then hoisted himself up out of the water, displaying his triceps and his muscular, tanned back. He then stood with his back to them, facing the sea, and flexed his glutes. Then he came back to the table where I was sitting.
I’d quite enjoyed watching his efforts, knowing that for once he would be ignored.
“How’d it go?” I asked him.
“Nothing, Dude, I don’t get it,” he replied, perplexed. “Huh,” I said.
The crowd gradually grew and around 5:00 two very pretty and very young ladies walked over to us and said hi. These were the girls that Fabs had met on the shuttle. Becky (the redhead :) ) and Jennifer, a blonde, joined us at our table. We ordered more drinks. The crowd thickened - Rick’s was enveloped in a party atmosphere. We swam in the pool and slowly got plastered. At one point there were four Patrons with lime slices lined up on the pool deck. Then another round appeared. Like a fool I forgot my vow to stop drinking Tequila shots and pounded them back.
As the afternoon wore on a flotilla of sunset cruise boats arrived below the cliffs. Their passengers jumped into the water, swam over to the cliff-side ladders and climbed up to join the party – the place was packed. People were lined up at the diving platform to jump into the sea. The Rick’s cliff divers passed their red collection buckets and jumped from ridiculously high perches, much to the amazement and delight of the assembled masses. The band played on and the sun slowly sank in a cloudy western sky.
We kept buying drinks for Becky and Jennifer. It was a great time; everybody was laughing, splashing, and smiling.
At one point a couple of guys tried to elbow into our quartet. They were attracted by our young, bikini clad friends who were dancing arm-in-arm on the pool deck in the orange rays of the setting sun. The girls did their best to ignore the guys, but one dude hopped up onto the deck and positioned himself between Becky and Jennifer. He put his arms around their shoulders, started to dance between them and then motioned for his buddy to take his picture.
Fabs, who was in the pool, stealthily moved up behind the guy. His buddy, standing with the camera on the promenade below him, counted down, “Three, two . . .” and as he said “One!” Fabs grabbed the guy’s shorts and yanked them down to his ankles. I started to laugh so hard I fell off my chair into the water. The girls didn’t realize what had happened until the dude reached down to pull up his shorts, then they quickly moved away from him. Quite a few of Rick’s patrons had witnessed the ‘panting’ and were pointing and laughing at the guy. It was a great moment.
I would love to have seen that photo, the orange light of the setting sun, the big smile, the dude’s wedding tackle suddenly exposed and hanging out there for all to see. Priceless.
Eventually the sun set, but we were so blitzed by then we hardly noticed it. Suddenly, Becky and Jennifer were nowhere to be seen. Yeah, they stiffed us for the drinks, but it was worth it. We’d had a blast.
Fabs and I made our way out to the gate along with the departing throng and managed to snag a taxi. I rode shotgun and Fabs had the back seat to himself.
When we got out of the car at White Sands, I realized that I was barefoot; I’d left my sandals up at Rick’s. Fabs was missing his tank top and his designer sunglasses.
We met a little while later and walked up the road to ‘Best in The West’ for chicken. I ordered a quarter, Fabs his usual half with extra bread - this in spite of the recent toilet-plugging incident. We brought the foil packs back to the beach and ate at a table under the sun deck. We had a few beers to wash the chicken down and keep our Tequila-induced buzz going. Then Fabs sparked up a fatty and we sat there for the next hour or two and just zoned-out.
It got to be late. I was thinking about going up to my room when a couple of hookers came up to us.
I find many of the hookers on the beach (and at the concerts) to be pretty good looking girls – and that’s just a comment, no ‘flesh’ judgment or criticism implied.
But these two girls were not even remotely attractive (sorry, but that’s just the way it was). They gave us the usual spiel, “Hey, baby – yada, yada, yada.”
We were pretty toasted and it took Fabs a while to focus on one the girls. He did an exaggerated double-take and blurted, “Dude! You look like a dude!”
Well, she got peed-off right quick like – as if maybe it wasn’t the first time that she’d heard such a comment. She walked up to Fabs, raised her foot up onto the table in front of him and yanked up her skirt.
“Do I look like a dude!?” she demanded.
Turned out she was flying commando – and she definitely was not a dude.
Sorry, I was using this definition which is why the term shallow was what I used to describe Fabs
shallow :
Judging a person based strictly on looks, not factoring in their personality whatsoever.
I guess it was a judgement to refer to him as shallow, but it wasn't a judgement any harsher than his judgements based on appearance IMO
Anyways, on with the story of which I had no complaints, in fact I was defending...
Lovin every minute of it.
K3,
I am enjoying your thread so much and since I can't wait for even the next paragraph, I am purchasing your books on Amazon.
I can't wait.
Thanks
I just gotta say that there have been some great reports on Negril.com, thanks to Rob and Lisa by the way,and they seem to get better and funnier as I read along.This is another great one.Clarity and Hubby,Gerry,Brasi,Smith,Marko,TicToc,Rumpoleforski n(sp)?Sweetness and so many others.Keep it going Kahuna. I'm cracking up.
So very true and lets not forget Hettie & Chads report... Lets keep this one going:)Quote:
Originally Posted by shooter1