October Trip Report Catcha and Swept Away

The Background;
Our long awaited trip back to Jamaice started almost 15 months ago. A group of 3 couples decided to take a trip to celebrate life, marraige milestones and just each other. We are a very close group that don't hold anything back, say whats on our minds and have no secrets. We joke that in many states we could be considered to be married to at least one other wife (and no we aren't swingers), we're just really close friends. I being the planner was tasked to find 3 different vacation spots with great accomondations. I spent close to 4 weeks gathering data on different types of resorts/locations and types of excursions. They ranged from Isla Mujeres (an AI), to Los Cabos (an AI), to a friends enormeous 16,000 sq ft home in Dominican Republic (with a cook, maid, driver) and finally Jamaica. I put together a powerpoint with pictures (threw in the occasional hot model on the beach to get the guys vote for Jamaica), prices and some of my personal experiences. (A little back ground on me, I grew up in Puerto Rico, Haiti and the Dominican Republic, spent lots of time in the US & British Virgin Islands so I'm not a stranger to the Island lifestyle that i have come to love) Deep down inside I wanted to go back to Jamaica, to me the trip 15 years ago was one of the best vacations I had ever been on in my life and I had never seen my wife so relaxed and at ease. We had stayed at the old Grand Lido when it was nice, had a big suite just above the C/O pool/beach. I didn't tell the wife that this is where I reserved, and the first day all I heard was OMG, look at all those penises!!! After that first day shock she loved the idea of the C/O area and we made our way back there every afternoon, me C/O and her topless. We got our JA groove on right away and just reconnected as a couple after having 2 young kids around the house and no alone time!

I have to admit I slanted the majority of the PowerPoint to Jamaica and made the trip look really good in order to jet the group to "vote" with me. I had already convinced the wife that this is where she needed to vote. She was excited but warned me not to pressure the group, it was a majority decision (hense the hot model pictures on the jamaica slides, and maybe a topless photo of my wife on the beach 15 years ago!LOL). The night finally came for my presentation, I took the projector home from the office, stopped and bought Red Stripe, made mojitos with Appleton Rum and found a place that made patties, but this was to be an objective presentation:cool:. After an hour of festivities I fired up the projector and went into my presentation on Jamaica, no I mean vacation. Mexico (both Isla Mujeres & Los Cabos) were voted out because we tend to go there alot being from AZ, now it was down to the DR and JA. While showing the large house in DR I made mention that the kitchen was great and the ladies would love to cook in it because we might not want someone in the house all the time, even though I would be the one to cook most of the meals. This comment went over like a joke at a funeral and immediately the thought of working during the vacation shut this location down. Finally we all agreed that Jamaica would be the best place to go. I was so excited on the inside, becaue I couldn't show it, I think I got wood!

The other two couples had never been to an all inclusive and decided that this is the way they wanted to go. Now there was no objection from my wife and I only because we know that a bar bill for the two of us over the course of two weeks could cost more than the room. Both appreciate top shelf liquor and neither are beer drinkers. From this point I immediately thought of Couples because of a friend who had stayed there a number of years ago. Quickly we determined that Swept Away on Long Bay was the better location for us. From here we decided the dates would be in October and the length (us 12 days the others 8 days) of the stay. Next I was asked to find the best pricing so i submitted a request for quote to at least 4 different wholesalers, to an Airline and to Couples directly. We found a great price from a guy out of Atlanta for under $320.00/day per couple (reinforced the idea for AI with top shelf liquor being calculated in my mind! LOL). We set the dates, made the reservations and proceeded to get fired up. Immediately I tried to think of a way to stretch our trip out longer, my job has been hell for a few years and I have a Partner who is an A**HOLE that thinks it's great not to pay me and use the money for his personal travels. I lobbied the wife a few times about the extension, she is a self employed Yoga teacher and was worried about her clients and the time away, finally we were able to agree on stretching it for 2 more days. I called our travel agent, he was only able to add a single day to CSA and recommended that we stay in Montego Bay for a night. I added the extra day and told him I would handle the first night myself, thats when I found Catch Falling Star!

The trip is up next!

This should be good! Waiting.............

Good start... Waiting....

Oh yell, gonna be another great trip report!! Can't wait to hear more.

Love it....

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Sorry to delay this but work (a true four letter word) has interrupted life again!

Woo Hoo! Another Arizona boardie representing!!

The months leading up to the trip were spent keeping everyone fired up, finding pictures each week and emailing them to the group to keep them fired up and more research on drivers and at least one excursion. The countdown went into full effect with 50 days to go. With 45 days to go I was sent to Australia for 37 days on a business development project. Unfortunately I was there by myself and with nothing but time all I could do for 3-4 hours each night was read every forum I could find and try to learn as much about the new Negril as I could. It was during this time that I met a few of you Boardies and began some communications with some of you. A HUGE shout out to Booger, he was great, always ready to answer questions and give opinions. The month in Australia was fun, but he'll being away from my wife and daughters. My wife kept telling me to keep my eye on the prize (our trip) and it would be over soon. I mentioned that I felt bad for her, once we got down to Negril I wasn't going to be able to control myself especially with her wearing her skimpy suits and no tops!

The group was now getting so fired up and ready to leave. I get back from Brisbane, we have a final planning party, do some last minute shopping for some little things and a week of work then we're off. Mid week one of my buddies calls to say he ordered a waterproof "Sailor Bag" I inform him that this could be the most gay comment (not a slur or derogatory comment so don't toast my balls!) I have ever heard. Lots of laughs exchanged and a comment we didn't let him forget the entire trip on any opportunity to bust on him. Finally the day hits for us to leave.

We left on a redeye late Sunday night heading toward Charlotte, kids dropped us off at the airport very early (about 3 hours) and off we headed to the US Air Lounge for some free drinks and snacks. Now my wife hasn't had a drink in 2 months trying to get that extra 5 pounds off. She hardly needs to lose it, she is a power yoga instructor that also works out 5 times a week besides the 15 hours of yoga she does, but I didn't want to argue. A few glasses of wine later (with no food) and she is getting that look, and all I can do is try to hope she doesn't start to get "romantic" in the lounge or on the plane! LOL I'm feeling no pain as well after 3 or 7 Jack & diet Cokes and we decide to head out to the gate. We are the first two on the plane since we splurged and bought first class tickets and right away ordered drinks. A quick side note, I don't sleep on planes so I figured I would just have drinks and read, but my beautiful wife can sleep anytime, anyplace or anywhere. No sooner had we taken off when she curled up and died. Legs, arms and everything else all over the two seats. She stirred once about 3.5 hours into the flight and woke up in time to have a Bloody Mary and ask where we were staying our first night. I failed to mention that she had no idea what our plans were for that first night in my first post! My wife was rested and excited to continue the journey and here I was tired, a bit buzzed but ready to rally!

Brief sidenote to explain how the extra day was handled. Once I talked her into a few extra days I had to find a place just for the one night. After tons of research I settled on Catcha Falling Star (Sagi cottage) and I'm so glad I did. My decision was reinforced after my first call with Mauvette and listening to how sweet she was. I told her we were celebrating a 30th anniversary and I wanted to do something special for my wife. Right away she recommended the 100 candle dinner and said for me to let her handle all the details. I was a little reluctant at first but after some additional research I told Mauvette I was going to let her handle everything for me. I'm so glad I did because I looked like a rock star when we showed up, more on this later!

Charlotte was uneventfull, a three hour layover, back to the US Air lounge, some champagne, a little breakfast and off to the plane. Back in first class and cocktails before we took off, and we are so fired up to take off but hold on, one of the seats was missing the cushion. Yes the same cushion you need in cash of a water landing, the same one you need for a personal flotation device. Ok, I'm not a rocket scientist but wouldn't you notice the seat cushion missing when they clean the plane, or when the flight attendants head to the back of the plan? Why was it not noticed when everyone was boarding the plane, or when the person who had the seat got to their row? No they waited until the front door was shut, phones turned off, drinks collected and now we have a delay. It took maintenance 12 minutes to deliver the cushion and another 1 hour and 48 minutes to do the "proper" paperwork. Oh my freaking God, don't you people know I have been waiting for a year to get to Jamaica? So what do you do with your spare time, of course have more drinks!

Finally we're off and I see nirvana in the distance, my heart begins to race, my pulse quickens and breathing becomes shallow. The wife begs me to find out the plans for the day/night. I give in and tell her we are staying at Catcha and I got Sagi for the night, a private driver (Rocky's Taxi and Tour) to get us to the resort and a few other surprises.

awesome lead in to Negril! With so many hours of travel time and drinks, I don't know how you were even conscious!

I'm a professional! Lol

tanfastic this is freakin fantastic. Yall sound like so much fun
I cant wait for more :D

I am loving this! Can't wait for more!

Sorry for the delay! Before we land I tell my wife, go to the little girls room now (after 30 years of marraige I know she will wait until it's time to get in line at imigration) so off she goes and finally it happened! We touched down in the promised land, the land of fun, sun and some hot vacation mattress mambo. We get off the plane number 2 & 3, I tell the wife that she has to keep up that i want to get through Customs & Imigration fast, that I have a date with destiny (and thats not the hooker by burger king!) in negril, she just about has to jog to keep up with me. We hit the lines for imigration and I see the prettiest picture I have ever seen, the wife and I are the only ones in the area! literally 4 minutes later we have our luggage in hand, head over to the Couples Lounge to let them know we have a private ride, get 2 or 5 free red stripes and head out to find the driver. As soon as we round the corner out the front door there is a sign with our names on it and a big smile from Presley. In the van, cold Red Stripes on ice courtesy of Rocky's Taxi & Tour (sorry for the commercial endorsement!) and off we go. The drive is great, we were asked if we wanted to stop but romance soon began to take over and all we wanted to do was get there. An hour later the gates to the most beautiful resort open and we are greeted by the security guard at Catcha with a smile. The first thing we hear is Mr & Mrs Regan we have been waiting for you! I could have died at that point and I would have been happy, my wife was stunned and said "what have you done or said to get this reception?" She knows me all to well, all i said is that I have been working on this for a number of months and they knew we would be arriving. Off to the desk and a welcome from Mauvette. When she looks up all she says is Mr. Regan it's a pleasure to finally meet you and she proceeds to give me a BIG hug! Did I mention that I love Mauvette? She is the greatest and I can't wait to get back to visit her again. I ask about paperwork or what I need to do, she laughs and said no need, let me show you to your cottage. As we walk she tells my wife how we have been talking for awhile and she gives me some big props, by this time the wife is blown away and I have now scored some brownie points and some crazy wild _______, just fill in the blank with your imagination! :o mauvette takes us to Ivan's to introduce us to Ty (one of the greatest bartenders of all time) and to Barbara the Manager then we head over to our cottage.Once we get to Sagi and get the quick tour Mauvette asks to speak with me outside, she tells me that there is a slight chance for rain and that they have all prayed that it doesn't hit because they have a special area set up for us that night for the 100 candle dinner. Hugs again and many thanks passed to her and she tells me to have fun, and let them handle everything.

I head into Sagi, my wife is already in her bikini, I get the best damn kiss ever and she says "I can't believe you have spent this much time for me, what else do you have planned? " I tell her it's a surprise but let's let nature take it's course. Quickly I get changed, we head to the bar, it has been about 45 minutes since we had drinks ya know, I ask Ty to make us some rum punches in our big 24 ounce Tervis cups and we settle in to a few loungers in a private area. Drinks are killer and I decide right away it's time to jump off into the water.

Damn, work just got in the way again, sorry, more to follow

Hurry and get that work done.....you got us going bigtime! Can't wait to hear more.:cool:

Love the blow by blow! Hey, nice creds for the romancin'. Can't wait for the rest!
Good job on getting through customs quickly. This will be fun!

niiiccceee!:)

Lovin it :)

More more more...btw am I there yet?

Back again, so I'm ready to jump off the cliff (next to the hot tub) and decide after drinking for 18 hours that I should dive! As a 51 yr old out of shape former tennis pro with numerous injuries and coming off a serious leg injury most people would say NOT A GOOD IDEA! But as I mentioned earlier, I'm a Professional so no worries, hit the water perfectly, climb the ladder and do it 3 more times. Now my wife is crying she is laughing at me so hard so i tell her to jump in. I love my wife to death but she is scared of heights, has digitally enhanced breasts and has to plug her noce when she goes under water so i was nervous. I jumped in one more time so i could be close to "help" even though my wife is in killer shape being a yoga instructor she just isn't a great swimmer. She stands on the ledge and tries to jump for 5 minutes while I tread water, finally I just yell and she jumps holding her nose and boobs, as soon as she leaves the edge both arms begin to flail and a scream comes out. She hits the water fine, goes under for a second and comes up with water coming out of her nose and mouth. Now I get revenge by laughing at her, help her to the ladder and thought i woas losing all the brownie points I earned earlier by now laughing at her, but no! She wants to jump again, only this time a little lower. after swiming for a long time we head back to the bar, a couple of more rum punches for me and a few very large vodka for my wife we hit the loungers for some relaxation.

As I sit there all I can think about is this place is the bomb, I kinda of wish we had stayed here the entire time and weren't moving the next day. I mean think about it, I get there and don't have to sign any paperwork, I go to the bar and order drinks, no bill or signature, Ty keeps saying no problems mon, it's handled and i can act like a kid by jumping from cliffs. I start to doze off when a young man of maybe 25 comes over and asks if i had jumped off the high cliff by the corner of Sagi & Ivan's, I sat up and looked at my wife and she says, "yes honey you can go play with the young man, JUST DON"T KILL YOURSELF TODAY". off I go to watch him make a few jumps and think about the last time I jumped from this high, back 15 years ago at the Pickled Parrot, now I think it's the Rockhouse Resort. After a little more liquid courage it's my turn, I get to the edge and never hesitated and jump jumped right off the wall. What a rush and I even got applause from some people that began to watch. I jumped about 5 more times before i decided it was time to stop pressing my luck. No kids, please don't try this at home, the stunt was performed by a professional (LOL) and I don't recommend anyone jumping after they have been drinking but it's so damn fun!

Back to my better half in the lounger and we decide to go off in search for some "stuff" and a trip to the store across from Catcha. We buy a few things, I get a bottle of scotch for my room at CSA and we are walking back to Catcha when I get approached by someone needing a little money. Did I mention it's been 15 years since we were in jamaica? Well thats the last time we had a good "sub" as well, work, kids, and the stress of life doesn't allow us to partake in the US. I give him $20.00 and in turn I ask for some local vegitation, all of a sudden this pulls out a rusted machete and we think we are now dead. I push my wife behind me and this guy starts to laugh, the security guard at Catcha jumps out and starts to yell at the guy and he (the locacl) said to me, hold this for me while I run down the road, I'll be back in 5 minutes. I send my wife across the street right away, the security guard lets her in and yells to me to come back across the street. He yells at me about this and said not a good idea, I stand on the street for 15 to 20 minutes, yes a 51 year old middle age guy holding a rusted machete and everyone is looking at me by this time as the fool who just fell off the turnip truck. I drop the machete, lick my wounds and head back into the property, mentioning if the guy shows back up come get me, knowing that I'm dreaming. As I'm walking back to the room another "guest"entioned that they were going home and i could have their leftover sub since they couldn't travel with it. Overjoyed I have an extra bounce in my step and get to Sagi. My wife is fired up about our new possession and is ready to get the romance on, she was impressed that I pushed her behind me when the machete came out and we got hysterical laughing about the entire situation. Enjoy some sub, get a little matress mambo on, and she asks what we are doing for dinner. It's about this time that the weather looks like it might rain and I'm getting nervous, Barbara comes around the corner and said Mauvette wanted to speak with me. I thought maybe the guy came back (LOL) and i was going to get yelled at, but Barbara knows that the dinner is a surprise and wants to tell me that they feel positive that the rain is not going to hit and she is ready for us in an hour, sunset was not really going to look good because of the clouds. I thank her and head back. I tell my wife it's time to get ready for dinner, she again questions me but no answers given, the anticipation is killing both of us. I also know that once she has seen what I scheduled that I'm golden for weeks in the romance department. We shower outside in the greatest outdoor shower ever, a large Cat cruise comes by and they honk & we wave in all our glory and proceed to get dressed for dinner, my hot wife in a little sexy dress and of course me in shorts, t-shirt and no shoes.

When we walk around the corner to the hostess stand they welcome us, my wife see's all the candles and said , wow look, points to the bluff that has all the candles and said that is so romantic. The hostess grabs my wifes hand and said that is for you sweetheart and my wife wraps her arms around me and I get another legendary kiss. She has a few tears, I puff out my chest as everyone is looking at us and now I know I hit a homerun. Dinner for what I remember of it was spectacular, the entire process was to die for, yes it's expensive but for once in a lifetime experience it is worth every cent you might spend. The waitress (I'm so sorry i don't remember her name, not sure why if it was the 16 drinks, the sub or now the bottle of champagne) knew exactly when to show up and when to give us room. I could not have asked for a better time that night had it been scripted by a writer, the wife was stunning, the food was spectacular and the setting was un-freaking believable. Guys, If you have never done something like this for your special lady try it, you will thank me later, this was just the most romantic thing I have ever done for my wife and she couldn't stop talking about it the rest of the vacation.

Once dinner was done I realized I had been up for over 39 hours with no sleep, that i had been having cocktails for 24 of those hours and my body was crashing hard. We went back to Sagi where the candles we lit, my wife changed into something special and I fell sound asleep before she made it out of the bathroom! HAHAHAHAHAHA She said she poked, prodded, slapped and did many other things to get me to wake up but no, stick a fork in me I was done.

Day two and the move to Swept Away next!

awesome trip report! Loving it so far!

Getting better all the time!

That machete story has got to be the funniest tale I've heard in any trip report thus far. I was cracking up! "He pulls out a rusted machete and we think we are now dead." "fell off the turnip truck" lol!
"stick a fork in me, I was done" hahaha!
I'm loving this trip report so far! Please keep it coming! It's really great!
P.S. Totally agree with you about Ty. Definitely one of the best bartenders of all time!

Thanks everyone for the nice comments, I so wish that could go into some really funny details but I know I might get censored about a few of the stories that happen later in the trip. To this day we laugh about the rusted machete with the broken wooden handle and me standing on the street holding it! I so wish I had a picture of that one thing!

Hysterical! Lovin' it & can't wait to hear the rest. I think you might have a standup comedy routine with this!:D

The next morning I wake up fully rested, a few cobwebs in the head, i see the sexy lingerie on the floor and think "dude you got it good lasr night, i must have been a rockstar. i hit the bathroom and pee straight rum for 7 minutes, brush my teeth , crawl back into bed and give my wife a kiss and ask how good it was last night. She begins to laugh and the first thing out of my wife's mouth is "in 32 years of dating and marriage this was the first time I have come back to a room on vacation, been ready to ________, and you pass out cold! She said she figured when she is like this that I have a 10 minute window of opportunity to get the action started, and that I stripped got on the bed, made a few comments when she went to the bathroom. She said less than 90 seconds later when she came out I was out cold. I told her I would make it up to her and I did, 3 times!

We got our suits on, lathered up in sunscreen and hit the cliffs. Crash in the hairs for a few hours, have some fresh juice and about 14 bottles of water to rehydrate! We swim for a little bit and my wife tells me to jump off the big cliff so she can video it on my iPad. I was jazzed, ran to the room, got the iPad and went back to the cliff, gave it to my wife and took my position. When I got up there I looked down and thought that I must be nuts to have jumped yesterday and it dawned on me that it was liquid courage! It took me a few seconds to jump but I did it and was so fired up that I did. I get to the ladder and my wife says, sorry honey I forgot to push the start button, I'm like REALLY? Back up I go, I ask if she has started the video, I get the annoyed yes dear response so off I go again this time without hesitation. Get to the ladder and what do I hear but I'm sorry honey I must have stopped it before you jumped, can you do it again? By now I'm thinking with this hangover there isn't a jury in the land that would convict me if I pushed her off the cliff and something happened to her! This time I have her stand in a spot by the ladder, I start the video put the iPad in her hands and caution her to not move a muscle, that when I get out of the water I will stop the video. She starts to laugh, snort and make me crazy, I haul ass up the steps to MY perch, ask one more time if its still on and then jump. Here is the video;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hyct...eature=mh_lolz

I also jumped from the side of Sagi after I swam around underneath to make sure it was safe.
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We decided to get cleaned up and head over to CSA around 11:30, while we were sad we were excited to see what new adventures lied in front of us. We packed up, went to say our goodbyes and to let everyone know we would be back Monday night with our crazy friends to celebrate one couples 30th Vow renewal. Mauvette was an angel, she gave us big hugs again, told us how everybody was laughing at the machete, the jumping and a few other things that I can't mention in print. As we were waiting for Rocky' guy to get us somebody came up to me to say that late last night a guy showed up late to say he brought my local supplies. Yes it was my machete wielding friend living up to his promise! By this time I was peeing in my pants from laughing so hard, I was passed the sub bag and the comment was the guy would like his machete back. You can't make this sh*t up, my wife was spitting (again) and snorting by this time. Me being the middle aged paranoid white man that I am pulled the machete out from some shrubs, "wiped it clean" and ran across the street to pass it off. It was wrapped in paper as not to get my DNA or prints on it. I'm not worried, no crimes were committed those two weeks with a machete so I'm in the clear now!

Trip to CSA was great, I can't say enough positive things about Rocky's Taxi and Tour company, they are great, funny, courteous, on time and our safety was their priority.

We get to CSA about noon or so, check in is a breeze, room not ready but room request honored, third floor corner unit in a BFVS. They tell us to leave our stuff and head out to eat drink and get merry. We walk down the path to the ocean and when we hit the beach we run into an old friend we haven't seen in 5 or 6 years from the Southeast where we used to live. Hugs, greetings and gotta get a drink! We find his wife on the beach, sit down and catch up for a little bit, soon it's time to feed the beast (me) and the wife is hungry as well. Head to the Cabana Grill for patties and jerk and a few more drinks. Food is good, but all I can think about is jerk chicken pasta I had at Ivan's last night. Wait, a memory just came back, YES I had pasta for dinner last night, did I like it, oh hell yes I did.

It's about 2:00, we head back to the beach, the clouds are rolling in a rain is fast approaching. I decide that I should check on the room and see if its ready, I leave my wife with our friends who are running up to their Premier Beachfront Suite and head to the office. Room is ready but with the hard rain they don't want to deliver the luggage. I find a bellman and ask if he has a raincoat and a few big garbage bags. I tell him to cover the luggage with the bags and we can do this, I will even help. He disappears for 3 minutes, comes back with a luggage cart with a waterproof cover and he has on a raincoat, SCORE. I dump the luggage, change my soaking wet clothes and head over to our friends porch. They have Demar, the best beach server on the island delivering drinks from the beach bar (about 25 yards away) in our anger 24 ounce Tervis glasses. Enjoy a sub, a few more drinks and its off to our room to unpack, decorate, unwind, a nap and get our groove on. After a few hours in our room the rain passed us, we showered and went off to dinner.
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More tomorrow

Wow you REALLY know how to live it up. VERY impressive report ....

loving it! glad you saved the machette - lol

Absolutely freaking hilarious...the grabbing the boobs, the machete!

Nice work on the dinner;)

Good god man this is great!! Lmao over here

Diving the cliffs is mad fun I wish i was there now

Wow, I guess we must always remember that while in "JA", you operate on "Jamaica Time"... So cool that the mans machete was still there! Awesome adventure! Keep it coming!

Great report, lots of fun. Loved the set up for the machete encore une fois and respect mon fer ta tink of hidy way fer later.
So glad that you admit to your passin' out after 100 candles or was it 100 drinks, hah!

Cool, as well, running into friends you weren't expecting a the resort.

Loved the "Jump Shot" also.

OMG...I love this report so much already. You have me cracking up over here!

And yes you are so right....I remember telling you before that you were one smart man with the night at Catcha plan....glad you enjoyed my room! Hahahaha Just kidding
Sagi is the best right? And Catcha!

And you are so right, Mauvette, Ty...the staff there are amazing!

I can't wait to read more!

Seveen I'm so glad I saved the machete as well, I would have hated to disappoint the guy by not living up to my end of the bargin!
Wpyogi my wife was more worried about popping one, and I don't mean falling out of suit.
Tizzy I might be 51 in years but as my wife says I'm only 18 mentally!
Kevan I was hoping deep down inside for Jamaica time, or was that not losing a limb, or the police thinking they is a gray haired fat guy on the loose on the WestEnd on a killing spree.
Bjritz I thought it was a drinking game, one drink for each candle, at least that's what I was told.
Marley you are the bomb, between you and booger (more about booger coming up, I met the man, the myth and the legend on another bender at Ivans the next week) I couldn't ask for better advise. Now don't bring it up again, my wife might read this and all her thoughts of me planning the special night will be shot to hell!!!! :cool:

Night two was uneventful, a little more rain but hell we're from AZ so we don't see much of it so it's a novelty, Drinks in the Matini Bar for an hour, dinner on the other side of the resort at Feathers was really good, off to meet our friends on the other side of the resort, see a man about a sub, 3 or 15 more drinks, sing along with Ultimate Chocolate and by this time I was ready to head back to the room. I promised my wife I wouldn't pass out, that I was a man ready for the task. Her response, "oh great, I should have kept my mouth shut about last night. I swear in the morning if I walk like I was riding a horse I will cut you off the rest of vacation!" Again, I puff out my chest and now I'm thinking I have bragging rights for a long time, I started to say something and realized I better shut up or I might meet up with Lorena Bobbit.

Day three brought the sun up in a beautiful blue sky, a fast trip over to the CSA gym for a 45 minute cardio workout, I lost 3 pounds of rum & scotch thru my pores (daytime drink is rum since I mixed it with fresh fruit juice for health reasons, scotch is my drink of choice after 5:00 p.m. because there is no need to be healthy in the evenings) and off for a quick shower then breakfast. We get a spot on the beach as we walk to breakfast (yes we are chair savers, but only for less than 30 minutes) close to the beach bar. We select this area on the beach every day we were at CSA, I tend to get nervous if we stray too far from our Beach Server (Demar), I begin to sweat and every once in a while I break out into a Tourette’s type rant if my glass is empty for more than 4 minutes, and to be honest this was a great spot as well. breakfast was ok, get back to the beach later up and sit down to look at the greatest beach i have ever seen. I start to doze off with a hat over my face (don't want to get sun damage, after all my career as a male model is going to happen really soon, I just know it) when the beach vendors start to linger for unusually long periods of time in front of us. I'm starting to get annoyed so I reach down to get my "green flag" (damn I wish I still had the machete!) for drink service, I figure this will ease my mind. I ask our friends if they want a drink as well and when i sit up i see my wife has let the twins (delightful & delicious) out of their suit for sun & air. Needless to say my friend is out of his chair while his wife is in shock. They had only seen my wife when they were just "B"abies. Being the proud father of the twins I ask my wife to go for a swim so we can get the Vendors to move on. (This same theme happens for the next 11 days but I was to weak to fight it anymore, but more on that later). Demar is the best, he was so attentive to us all week, I'm just not sure why he was always in close by!

Fun was had all day long on the beach, lots of swimming, sun, beach vendors asking if we need some of the local crop (since I had been doubled up on the vegetation and had enough to last the next 18 months I felt like I should try to seel it myself. Only problem was I didn't have a machete to leave as collateral and I would have been scared to hide in my shorts. All I could think about was a briss occurring when pulling the machete out and that already happened as a child. I definitely don't need the name of Stubby to stick with me at this age in my life!). It was on this day we met an amazing musician with the name of IceBlock, he is a great spiritual man, he has a great message and he possesses a great voice. We got to know him a lot over the next 11 days and hope to communicate with him for a long time.

Boss just popped in, more later!

Age just a # ;)

I shared your wifes concerns about diving off the cliffs....Negril might be the last place I would want a flat tire LMFAO. I just crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. Bombs away hahahaha

you're so funny! I bet you and 'ol booger had a fun time, hes a good dude

Day 4 brings saw our friends from the SE leave and the other 2 couples we were vacationing with show up. Now these two couples are crazy and all I think of is how much trouble we will get into and pray we don't get thrown out. This day also was the 14 year Anniversary of CSA so the entire group from Couples Corp were at the resort as well. Some of these folks were great, friendly/outgoing and a few were not even making an attempt to talk with others. Hey thats fine we were in our own little world so no loss. The "Chief Romance Officer" was very nice and he made a point of talking with us a few times, a real nice guy that showed up for our friends Vow Renewal a few days later (more on this later). This day also brought out that "Freshman" day of drinking/binging with the team of 6 now intact. It was a hard charging day that we kept our man Demar so busy that i felt bad for any other guests and it saw the beach bar run out of 3 types of vodka and two large bottle of Appleton by 3:30. The girls started to hit hit hard after lunch and my two guy friends started to keep up (I should say catch up) with me right away. One of the guys (the young bull at 46) who is a diet & workout fanatic decided to skip lunch and go for the death spiral of a liquid lunch was heading down hill fast, as was his wife. Now as an old bull I thought should I say something to them? And the voice on one shoulder said yes, but my best friend (with the horns) on the other shoulder said HELL NO, let them suffer, besides this could be fun. Well it was fun to watch for a few hours, the wife was getting crazy and the young bull was becoming good looking and bullet proof fast as well. By 5:45 we ended up putting both of them in bed after a slight drunkument (drunk argument over who was drunker) with all sharp instruments (again thank God I gave the machete away) removed from the room. A few dralls (drunk calls) later my and I, the other Couple got cleaned up and ready for the HUGE anniversary party.

The party was great, the entire resort was packed to capcity, hadn't seen this many people at CSA since we had been there but the food was great, the drinks flowed and the wives looked HOT. We laughed all through dinner about each one of us spilling something. I was the last to spill and I gave so much sh*t to the other three that when I dropped a tomato on my white Tommy Bahama shirt that left a stain the size of a silver $ right in the middle of it was game on. I did everything I could remove the spot but hell no it stuck out like Shaq in a Jockey's locker room at the Kentucky Derby. All I could do was embrace it and own it. The rest of the night was spent checking on our two drunk naked friends who by the looks had made up "twice" and hitting the sing along/karaoke event in the Piano bar. Turns out that it was guys against ladies. The teams had names made up, very original (Penis's against the Breasts) and the group was very vocal. I was keeping it low key (because my shirt was dirty) and watching the guests trying to figure out their stories. We had one lady who was a judge that ruled every time against the guys and a older short guy that ruled for the women as well. This guy was very interesting, he looked like he was about 55, he was about 5'7" and he was with a young lady who appeared to be maybe 30 and was about 5'10". My first thought was he was either loaded or had a great personality but after 30 minutes of the game I realized he was neither but he had to be hung like a mule. Sorry if this offends but it was a strange pairing.

Now as I mentioned i was pretty quiet during the game, I knew many of the answers but I was trying to get my groove on with my wife, all my effort was going toward her, I think I was thinking that the brownie points i scored early in the week were running out so it was time for new game! My wife was after me to get involved in the game and our friends were giving me hell because there was an open mike and I wasn't getting involved. I know most of you are thinking that I'm shy but I wasn't feeling it. As the game was coming down to the end and we were leaving the topic for the notes that Ultimate Chocolate was going to play was "Who made this song famous", he was going to play one note on the piano for 500 points, he hit the note and I don't know what came over me but in a voice that I have never heard I sreamed so loud "Happy Birthday from Marilyn Monroe". Well I think that the 3 people that were sitting at the piano in front of me as we left all dropped thier drinks and about 10 other people Sh*t their pants in fear. My wife and the other couple with us literally started laughing their asses off and the entire room went silent. What do I do? I yell 500 points for the Penis's and walk out of the room as fast as I can. I'm outside for a few minutes waiting on my wife and friends when people come out to get me back in the room, everybody is laughing and my wife has had to run to the bathroom to prevent from peeing her pants. The guys won the game and i got a bottle of rum as being a "major" contributor.

The next day our group, yes the two we left behind the night before (sorry none of us were in the Marines!) were alive and ready for round two. Saturday and Sunday both went as usual lots of drink, the young bulls in moderation and the two old bull couples doing it as we always do. Beach venders gawking at the women, Demar hooking us up with the BEST fresh drinks every 20 to 30 minutes and our favorite beach performer IceBlock stopping by to sing to us each day for 20 minutes. Booze ran out out at the beach bar really early one day and we made a run for them to a store and bought our own for them to keep hidden in a cabinet. Sunday we had to behave (limited ourselves to 20 drinks that day instead of the normal 21) Monday morning was the big Vow Renewal service. One thing I forgot to mention is that our friends asked me to perform the Vow Renewal. I did take this job serious (once in my life!) and became a licensed minister, granted it was online and I had to pay $13.95 plus shipping & handling charges, but I was now a licensed Minister and able to perform the ceremony. I had spent about 3-4 weeks preparing for the service, spent time with the bride and groom as well as their 2 beautiful daughters to put together a personal intimate service. Late Sunday night they dropped on me that the minister for CSA informed them that I needed to do a "blessing of the rings" ritual in my service. I being a professional minister took in stride and began sweating it out. i figured there are many people who are smarter than I so i went to goole and searched it out. low and behold there are close to 20 sample "blessing" right there in front of me. I copy and paste from 3 or 4 different ones and now I'm ready with a beautiful service and a little bit of humor blended in with it.

Next the Vow Renewal - back to work

Quote:

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I did everything I could remove the spot but hell no it stuck out like Shaq in a Jockey's locker room at the Kentucky Derby. All I could do was embrace it and own it.

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Awesome visual!

Wow! Your report is balls to the walls for sure... I am 20 minutes from leaving for work and definitely in a great mood after reading! Your wordship and insight into life "slight drunkument (drunk argument over who was drunker)" truly set this report apart from the good ones here! Have a stress free day!

Happy Travels...

SKB

50 is the new 30!! LMAO

Keep it coming (I mean the trip reports)!! LOL

VVHT