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Here I sit wide awake, haven't slept all night. I have tried but my head is racing.
Yesterday was so hard, having to say good by to our dog of fourteen years is heartwrenching.
It was a long drawn out morning waiting to take her to the vet. I will spare you the details of the goodbye.
We spent the afternoon burying her in shady spot in the yard near where she loved to sit.
I think that the worst part of all of this is that she has had a buddy, a jack russell terrier, who has lived beside her for the past 14 years.
They were best buddies.
He is so confused and sad, running around the house and yard looking for her.
He didn't even touch his dinner, which in not at all like him.
I know that she is in a much better place and free from pain, however it still hurts.
On top of all of that, my husband sprung on me that he doesn't know if he will be able to give me any money for my trip. He says that IF he does, he wont know how much until the moment that I walk out the door for the airport.
As I explained previously, I am a stay at home mom and I have no money of my own, nor do I have access to any of my husband or OUR (his, as he likes to refer to it) companies bank accounts (other than a sneak peek over his shoulder from time to time), and of course my account has a total of $24 in it.
We certainly are not rich by any means, however I know that he can afford to give me some spending money for the trip.
I rarely ask for anything for myself. I don't really buy clothes or anything like that, I don't usually wear any makeup, and I get my hair cut maybe once every two years. I am by no means high maintenance.
He didn't have to shell out a single penny for the actual trip so I know that he can afford to give me some spending money.
Now I have to sit for the next 4 days and worry if I will have enough money to cover my expenses of the trip.... baggage fee, taxi to hotel, food, ect.
This sucks.
He also gave me a huge guilt trip about even going on this trip.
Told me that I am screwing my family by going on it and that I am "taking food out of my children's mouths", which is just plain absurd.
He also reminded me that I will be "paying for this long after my return."
All of this stress has left me tight in my chest and unable to sleep.
I am so sorry to put all of this info out there for you all to read.
It is not my intention to have a pity party or anything of the sort.
I only feel that all of this is all part of my story.
MOVING ON....
On a better note, the sun has now come up and it looks as if today will be another beautiful pre-spring day weather wise.
I have begun to pack and can hardly wait to get my feet out of those big glass doors and feel that warm Jamaican air on my face.
I once again remind myself how blessed I am to even have the chance to travel outside of my country, to have a warm home, food on the table, two amazing children, the list is endless.
I AM TRULY BLESSED.
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I know this is none of my business, but that is so wrong of your husband. That is just messed up.
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I cannot say what I would LOVE to say to your "husband" right now, as I try my best to leave all negative statements unsaid.
So instead I will only say what I want to say to YOU right now and that is this.
You are not harming your family in ANY way by taking this trip. You are only probably inconveniencing your husband because he might actually have to do something for himself and so he is trying to make you feel guilty. Forget that! You deserve this (and honestly) a WHOLE LOT MORE.
Your kids will still eat, that is definitely no question. Your family will not suffer, in fact they will all probably be better off for it when their mommy returns happy and refreshed. So go, have yourself a care-free and great time, you deserve it. About the money thing. If he gives you issues you tell him that you are going one way or another so if he chooses to send the mother of his kids on a trip with no money to support herself then what kind of person is he and what is HE doing to his family?
That is a shame.
But I know that this trip will happen for you, you need it, you deserve it, so it will be! Keep the faith.
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You have a trip to look forward to, so pack and go. And I will say your husband has some ISSUES. Wouldn't put up with that BS you will have people in JA that will be supportive and be able to spend time with. So enjoy! As for money you are entitled to it. He needs to get his panties out of a wad and act like a man. R-E-L-A-X-A-T-I-O-N is coming soon. Sorry about your dog. :-(
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In about 24 hours my trip will officially start....I am so excited that I could burst.
I have the butterflies and it seems like time is ticking away so slowly, every second seems like an hour.
I have pretty much finished my packing with the exception of those last minute items.
My buddies, J and S will be at my house by about 8pm tomorrow to pick me up for our 3 hour ride to the airport hotel.
Hopefully we will actually be able to get a little sleep before our 5am wake up call and shuttle to the terminal.
OMG...it is almost here!!!
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There's a lot I want to say regarding my opinion on your husband's behavior, but instead I will just say how sorry I am for everything you've been going through. my heart goes out to you.
No matter what, you're going to have an AMAZING time in Negril and you deserve this!!
Sending good vibes your way
So excited for you!
Enjoy every minute in paradise!!:D
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"He needs to get his panties out of a wad and act like a man..."
Richard Dawson...Family Feud...
survey says..!
DING DING DING DING
have a total blast...with as few ruh ro's as possible!
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I feel like at this moment, I wish all of us boardies could line up along the side of the road and wave as a sort of parade route as you and your friends head to the airport.....too bad we can't really do that but at some point on your drive tomorrow, close your eyes and just imagine us all there waving and cheering you on!
I will hold a huge sign that says "Watch out Jamaica, Here comes IRIESISTAH"
Have a blast!!!!!!!
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Don't apologize. Listen, I feel you. More than I can even say here....
So even though his attitude is SO not irie...this is YOUR time to escape it, and I'm glad for you. You need it. You're going to get through the trip with everything you need I have a feeling.
BTW, your boys are just SO precious, what a blessing.
HAVE FUN!!!!!
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The best gift you could ever give your boys is a happy, healthy mom. You need to take care of yourself, so that you can take care of them! Looks like you have done a great job. They are beautiful :)
