A few back stories before my next reach...a little background

[irie luv]

Just wanted to share a few of my most memorable stories from my last 2 trips to JA. Since 2010 me and my mom ,who prefers to be called "DNL" on the site not "mom", go to JA once a year, but starting this year we will be going twice a year. We are like sisters and have a great relationship. She is 52 I am 32 and we balance each other out perfectly. We also like to do the same things so we are the best travel buddies. I will be providing a few short stories from past trips, hopfully this will get my feet wet so I can write a real trip report after my next trip which is in...6 weeks,5 days,(what time is it...9:08...)13 hours and 18 minutes(according my departure date and time).

[irie luv]

Catamaran excursion "WE GOT A SICK ONE!!!"

I love the water. Everything about it puts me in a good space...except when I am actually IN it. I am a coastal person, I love to LOOK, reflect and meditate BY the water.But when I am actually IN the water,I can be a little apprehensive at times.I am a thrill seeker, so I am never actually scared of the things, but I am also not a like a fish when I am in the water. So in a nutshell, I am totally unexperienced in the open sea. At home, the ocean is usually to cold to get into. On a hot day I will run up to the waters edge and run from the little waves like I'm 5 but thats as far as me and the ocean go. I 've been on a few cruises and it's really not my,thing I prefer to be at the location not just drop in for a few hours and leave. I have to apologize ahead of time as I sometimes ramble and get side tracked!! But back to the "short" story.
After a nice afternoon of relaxing and indulging in all the wonderful things that Negril has to offer to get your mind and body right we decide it's time to make it to the area where the Catamaran is suppose to pick us up from the resort along the beach. We take our time and stroll along the pathway to the place where we sign our lives away and get our scuba gear.Keep in mind I just wanted to go on the sunset cruise to Ricks, and thats all, not really worried about scuba diving. I have never done it before but DNL has once, and she loved it. So, after you sign the forms the scuba folks tell you the ins and outs and the basic info you need to know to scuba dive. You know, simple things like "get your pair of flippers here" and "get your mask here" etc. So of course like the badazz I am I tell DNL "we don't need to listen to all that extra stuff we just want to go to Ricks,see the divers,the sunset and enjoy the cruise. Ain't nobody getting in that water.Lets go sit on a beach chair until the catamaran comes." As we are getting ready to have a seat and wait, the lady says the catamaran is running late and it will be another 15 minutes or so. I say to myself "No problem,thats more time for me to get me a few more drinky drinks while I wait." DNL said "Bring me another pina colada while you are at the bar". "No problem mon!" was my reply and seemed to have been my reply for every questions asked and every comment made.
I come back with the drinks...we drank...in the heat....for 15.....30.....then 40 mintutes! The damn boat still isn't here! Mind you we already were "full" when we left the room, so the new set of drinks put DNL on a slippery slope. She says " My head is spinning, I am going to lay in the shade on this beach lounger until the catamaran comes, I am scared to close my eyes cuz I fell like I will drift away, keep an eye on me cuz I am going to be out!". "No problem mon, I got you covered you just relax and get your composure, we should be leaving shortly". I seen DNL's face fall into a slow droop, you know the kind where you are so tore up that you loose a little controll of your facial muscles, you know, when the lip starts to hand, tongue may show slightly, eyes may be open just a sliver but you are actually sleep? Well DNL had just gotten to that point of utter relaxation and cloud 9, it only took her about 95 seconds to get there.Thats when you heard, " The Catamaran is here!!!! Lets go people!!". OMG, OK, DNL is out lilke a light!! ......"Wake up DNL the boat is here, we got to go!" I said. So we are in line at the shores end one by one getting on the little boat that takes us to the big one. I literally have to hold her arm and she is leaning on me , I am her only support so I escort her into the little boat, she is staying under the radar with her sunglasses on and her hat. We sit at the first seat we can find. Bad idea. The first seats we find is at the very back of the boat where it has the most motion and splashing. Great. I am fine with all the motion in the ocean , but not DNL. I told her to just munch on a few crackers that she had in her mini pack , so she muches and slowly comes back to life.
So we make it to catamaran, nice boat, all the other people go into the inside where they have the bar and the music. I chose to lay on the outside where it's on a black criss cross trampaline type area(but is does not bounce, you guys know the area I am talking about). So I am lounging there feeling awesome,me and DNL are having funny inside conversations about how we are feeling and the beauty of the cliffs. We stop and the guide says " This is where you can scuba dive for 15 minutes, when you hear this whistle that means swim back to the boat and we will head to Ricks". I observe all the people excited to scuba dive, putting on their flippers and mask. I looked at the beautiful and water and wished I could get in. I suggested we put on some life vests and swim to the caves and back since thats where everyone was swimming to.(DNL had promised that although she does not have the energy and endurance that I have I had permission to "drag" her around the island and she will "hang" even if I have to carry her). Soooo. Even though it was only 30 minutes since she was on lounger with the droopy face, I suggested we swim to the caves. I get in the water 1st it was the best feeling ever!!! In the open ocean, so blue and so clear ,along the cliffs...totally awesome. Then, DNL gets in, we swim towards the caves. Ahhh..... pure bliss.....until we realize we really are not getting aywhere, we are like rubber duckies in the ocean , just bobbing and swiming and making very little progress to the caves. I wonder to myself "WTF, why is everyone making progress and we are not?" Lil miss badazz(me) did'nt want any DAMN flippers, S$!T!, thats why!!! I look behind me and poor drunk DNL is trying her best to keep up, I wait for her and we doggie paddle side by side laughing hysterically at how we are handling this and using every muscle we have to get there and back in the 15 minute time frame. By this time we are about 3 minutes away from the actual cliffs and caves, when we hear the whislte. " Time to return and head to Ricks, get back on the boat!" What, hunh, who, uhhh....ok. I turn around to swim back to the boat never making it to the caves and trying to get back as fast as I can. You cant' get anywhere in the ocean w/ out flippers. My heart is beating like crazy cuz I am using all my strength and all my breath when I hear my name behind me. It's DNL. She is several feet behind me and is asking me to come get her and help her get to the boat. (keep in mind she is a feather weight, the best I can describe the scene would be like a ragdoll thrown into the ocean with no energy to do anything. So I turn into the superhero that I can be at times and I swim back to get her. She is just floating w/ her life jacket, face up towards the sun, with her eyes closed. She says " Help me get back to the boat, I dont have enough energy to make it." I swear I heard the superman theme music in the background as I swam my fastest to get her, I grab her life jacket in one hand and swimming with other. That lasted... 3 1/2 minutes, it wore me out. So I tried plan b which was a little more sucessful. I did the push and swim technique. I pushed her in front of me with all my heart then swam to her and pushed again until we were almost there. After so much of that went to plan c for the last leg. I could not get a good grip on her life jacket so I grabbed a few of her sisterlocs. If you could see this scene. Here I am dying of exhaustion and out of breath while DNL is drunk damn near passed out in the water on her back while I am towing her in by her locs! She started to laugh,"Come on DNL you got enought energy to laught but none to kick! Kick them legs!!!" I said. Yes, we were the last ones to get back on the boat. But at least we made it, YAAAY!
We made it to Ricks had an ok time to touristy for me , I was ready to go but we had to wait, so we enjoyed what there was to enjoy there and got back on the boat to head back. I decided, again,to sit on the outside of the catamaran to be one with the sea that just gracioulsy made me loose 8 pounds is 30 minutes while swimming in it. I am a little wore out by this time so I lay down in the area I was at before. The catamaran was really riding the waves as it was becoming evening and we were waiting for the sun to set. That when the boat was going up and down more than ever before and them BOOM! My mouth, face and every thing was drenched by the wave of the ocean and it kept happening it was soo funny all I could do was laugh. But this was not a great feeling for DNL who has been trying to recover since before we even started this excursion. She was laying right there with me when we got splashed,and it woke her up, although she continued to lay there unaffected.

[irie luv]

cont't
Now,to get the full affect of the next part you would have had to seen the move "There's something about Mary" with Cameron Dias and Ben Stiller. There was a scene where Ben was getting ready to go to prom and the "beans" from the "pork n beans" got caught in his zipper, the next scene was him being rushed to the ambulance and the EMT yelled out " WE GOT A BLEEDER!!" .....Well, as the motion of the ocean continued and got even stronger as the evening progressed DNL slowely rolled over and literally slivered to the edge of the catamaran and released all the toxins into the sea or at least on the side of the boat. Now I am there, keeping it low key, we got our towels , DNL did not make a mess, we can get this done and no one is even paying attention to us, I know DNL is glad cuz she would have been a little embarassed if every knew and was looking at her. Then here goes this damn woman toutist that comes from the bar area to where we are and yells at the top of her lungs, "WE GOT A SICK ONE!!!" I immediatly shush her and tell her I have everything under controll and we dont need to make a scene, I can take care of DNL. By this time we are ready to get off this freaking boat, yes it was a great experience, yea the scenery was great, but being on boat full of tourist for 4 hours was little much. By the time we got back to our area of the beach it was dark, we had to wait for the little boat to take us back to the beach so we were anchored for a while. Just as soon as I felt a little complaining coming on regarding how long we are sitting there I see the most beautiful shooting star with a long majestics tail over the Carribean Sea. It made it all worth while. We got back to the beach and the guides asked did we enjoy the trip. "Yea Mon" is all I could muster up.

[Jbizek]

You are a great friend!! Loved the story, the shooting star at the end....magical!

[irie luv]

Alfred's " Do you know him?"
We ended up being BFF's with our driver. For $20 we got a ride to and from Alfred's,complementary kutchie that was passed from the left hand side,a dance partner,a security officer, translator and someone to compliment you all night while being chivalrous and treating you like a queen. WOW! You can't beat that with a stick, and all for $20! We get to Alfred's and there are exactly, lets see....2....3....4....12 people there and 1 dog. It actually ended up being one of the best no party parties I have been to. There was no one there becasue it was fathers day, but that did'nt stop us from enjoying ourselves.There is no one on the dance floor but I was itching to get my groove on and dance in the sand.I ask DNL "Should I take my sandals off, I really want to dance in the sand?" DNL replies "Hell naw, you don't know whats in that sand, there could be broken glass or dog **** or anything, leave your sandals on." So being the thrill seeker I am I took off my sandals and me and the driver danced and had a great time. There is NOTHING like dancing under the stars and the moon to some great music barefoot in the sand with the waves of the beach behind you.During my time on the dance floor I would periodically look back at DNL to make sure she was good. She was engaged in a conversation with this guy who appeared to be about 25 years her jr and he looked just like Sean Paul.DNL can pass for about 35, she really has cougar tendacies while in JA, she does not actually do anything(married) but she will let them flatter her to death while she bats her lashed and flashes the pearly whites, she does have a smile that melts hearts.Anyway,they were both grinning and enjoying whatever they were talking about. After my jam session I tell DNL we need to have a meeting in the ladies room. Once we return, we see our driver talking with one of the employees, he introduced us and we all chatted for a while. Me and the driver eventually broke off in to our own conversation and so did DNL and the employee. DNL and the employee talked for about 15 minutes, thats when he said, "You know, you can't go around and trust all these guys out here , some are up to no good, that guy over there looks like he is waiting for you, do you know him?" DNL replies, "No, I don't know him more that I know you, why?" Employee says "I am just saying some guys are not good and he is looking like he knows you." DNL says "What do you know about him that is so bad that I should know?" Employee says " I don't know, I dont know him." While they are having the converasation about the Sean Paul dude and asking each other if they know him or not, he is patiently waiting for DNL to finish her conversation with the employee so he can continue to talk to her.After all, he did dedicate an entire 30 minutes of his life talking to DNL and he did not want all that work to go down the drain, so he was willing to wait for her.He waited by the fence...looking, waited by the bar...looking,waited at the picnic table...looking. Finally I looked at him and he gave me this look that said " Please tell your friend I am going to wait for her, I want to talk to her". I just shrugged my shoulders and gave him the "sorry charlie it's out of my control" look. Shortly thereafter, she ended her conversation with the employee and Sean Paul dude got right back in the mix, making sure no one else will talk to her before he does again, and he ask DNL " Do you know him?" DNL says " No, not more that I know you, why? Do you know him?" He says "No, I do not know him". DNL replies, "OK!You don't know him,I dont know you, he don't know me, and he don't know you!" Sean Paul dude says," You want to come to my home? I have all the ganja I grow it myself we can relax on the balcony and enjoy the sunrise." DNL replied " I 'm not going to your house, I don't know you!"

[Jbizek]

And the plot thickens! We needed a girl version of K3's trip report, so bring it on sistah!

[irie luv]

I'm getting warmed up.Thanks!

[brasi]

Ohhhh damn! You girls are DANGEROUS!

[tfw73]

"Shortly thereafter, she ended her conversation with the employee and Sean Paul dude got right back in the mix, making sure no one else will talk to her before he does again, and he ask DNL " Do you know him?" DNL says " No, not more that I know you, why? Do you know him?" He says "No, I do not know him". DNL replies, "OK!You don't know him,I dont know you, he don't know me, and he don't know you!" Sean Paul dude says," You want to come to my home? I have all the ganja I grow it myself we can relax on the balcony and enjoy the sunrise." DNL replied " I 'm not going to your house, I don't know you!"

This is freakin' hilarious! I can relate, btw. LOL

[irie luv]

Thanks guys ! I have a few more stories to share. They will be titled,Dirt Party Danger?,You give your life for a DOG!!!??,Jet Ski Joy,NAKED IN THE MARKET...or damn near!!!,Close the door!.

Stay posted over the next day or 2, these stories are real and halarious! Thanks for the feedback!