# Negril.com Message Board Forums > Negril Message Board >  Vacationing with a Heavy Heart, how to make it work?

## Jbizek

The trip I've been dreaming about since 2009 is almost upon us. I should be excited and thrilled but instead I'm nervous and full of guilt. So much personal drama has happened since we booked our tickets. If I knew than what I do now, we probably wouldn't have booked. The fact we are so far away and will be hard to reach has upped my anxiety.
 Anyone be in such a situation? We're you able to shut off your mind and enjoy yourself? I need this trip so badly but I feel awful for going. Negril is good for the soul, I know it's what I need but will I allow myself to enjoy it? That I don't know.

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## San Fran Janet

Rent or buy a phone to stay in contact with the homebodies.  That will ease your mind.  Try to put it all in perspective and leave the troubles where they lay - at home.  Just go and enjoy a break, you deserve it!

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## Sweetness

J - I am so sorry for this stress in your life.  I think many of us can relate to having things come up in our lives making it hard to decide on our trips to JA.  There have been times that I have decided not to go, knowing there would be future trips AND there have been times I went with a heavy heart and was healed (JA was part of it but really I had to look within and pray for guidance).  I wish for you peace and joy.  Just make your decision and then let the rest go as Janet so greatly suggested.  Bless you and yours.

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## tfw73

Sometimes you have to take a page out of Scarlett O'Hara's book. Worry about it tomorrow! Put it out of your mind. Trip is booked and paid for...no changing that! Worry and fear are the devil's tools. Have the cell, stay in contact if need be, but enjoy yourselves.

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## Sweetness

so true TF......Worry and fear are the devil's tools.

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## jasperpso

Well, I am in a similar situation. a close family member was diagnosed with cancer last month, has had surgeory and is still very much recovering from that but starts chemo soon.. when I suggested I postpone my travel, before the surgeory, he insisted that I not postpone.. his advise was simple, you can't put your life on hold.. definitely pickup a cell phone fir communication.  Lime is now just 2.99ja a minute to the usa and Canada.. that's like 4cents a minute..

I know I don't know your situation.  But I am coming, I know I will worry about him, but he will enjoy hearing about the trip when I return.. he loves Negril too, and I'm sure he will to some recovering there once the drs are through with him.. I am intending on bringing him some jerk if I can get through the airports with it coming home..

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## mavmaiden

Jbizek,

I'm truly sorry to hear what you are going through. In September 2009, I had a once-in-a-lifetime trip planned to go to Europe with a friend for 30 days. In April of that year, my sister died. In August of that year, my other sister had a foot of her colon removed and was still in recovery when I boarded the plane to fly several thousand miles away. I thought the same thing as you...this was a horrific time for a vacation, but it was one that I already had accommodations paid and an airline ticket for. A counselor told me, "you cannot worry about things you cannot change...you're killing YOURSELF with worry." And, she was right. Could I affect my sister's prognosis? No. Could I make things better with my constant worry? No. Did I have the power to heal...not only my sister's health but my own heavy heart from the loss of my other sister? No. I forced myself to live in the moment from the minute my plane touched down and I had a magnificent trip. My sister has had a bought with cancer since then, but she's doing well. And....I remember her words and repeat them to myself on a regular basis. I'm a huge worrier and sometimes you just have to let go and let things be. Actually, pretty much always... :Smile: 

Enjoy every minute of your trip. You need to keep YOU healthy and that means relaxing and letting that blood pressure decrease. Eat, drink and be merry. We only live once and you never, ever know when your time will come. That's my mantra, anyway. Life is good but sometimes it throws you really, really rotten lemons. Throw them away and go for a Red Strip... :Smile: 

Cheers from a fellow Austinite and a first timer to Negril later this year! 

By the way, jasperpso, same advice to you!! My sister went through chemo and radiation last year. It was several months of ups and downs. No amount of worry can change that either...

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## Jambarney

Jbizek, it entirely depends on YOU and the event in your life and also how important Negril is to you and if its truly in your heart.

Without knowing details, this subject is very near and dear to me. All I can do is paint a quick snapshot of my travels.

Me & Badnaz nearly always book our trips a year in advance, works for us, no surprises to our loved ones here at home and its paid for well in advance of arrival, my,our family know and accept (don't understand) how dear and important our Negril trips are to us. We just got back in April and already have 3 trips for 2013 booked / planned / and hotels /airfare paid for. Like I said works for us and families involved are in the loop.

08 year long trip dates approach, 10 days before departure my dear, dear, missed immensley father has severe medical issue that very quickly involves losing your legs to save your life and upper body. He was such a handsome, big, physically imposing atheletic guy that was all b/s aside tough as f......ng nails, one of the only men in my life I really feared. But SO beloved by everyone on both sides of our family and a ton of friends in the motor cycle community.

2 days before our trip the operation happens the true warrior he was my father explains his fears of losing half his body and is debating/leaning towards saying fu I aint finishing up like this. We (my brothers) talk him into it using every reason we can think of. It was the last resort he had to continue on.

As he came out of surgery, as he awoke, he did not ask for me (the oldest) or my brothers, he asked for Badnaz, my lovely wife and his daughter in law whom he did not always agree with. He put his arm around her minutes after coming out of gas and losing his legs at the hip. He whispered in her ear " am I still sexy?" Badnaz burst out laughing and crying and my father held her tight and said you and Michael go on your trip and have the time of your lives, I'll be hear waiting for the stories and pictures.

We left as scheduled for a 2 week trip the next day. Some of my family understood, many did not and gossip flew.

I spent many a night walking the beach for an hour or so by myself trying to sort out all the "why's", one beach hustler to many regulars is scourge or nuisance, dared to listened my questions. All for the pre agenda price of 1 fricking beer. Don't tell me even the most outwardly hardened don't have a heart or something to offer besides being near forced to sell them selves out for tourist in survival mode. Our nightly walk/talks helped immensely and to this day never brings it up expecting return. Sure he hits me with the same hustle as he does everyone walking by the a/i area of beach, we usually just bump fists have one or two beers share a look/common bond and he goes his way and me mine. You see I really think besides him helping me that I might have helped him also at some level.

Upon our return we had a few up and down weeks with my father, and despite his heroic fight, the infection came back and the only choice was dyalsis 2 to 3 times a week, after the 1st session he looked at me and said don't be mad but I will not live like this. We begged to no avail, the doc came by his house and said w/out cleaning your blood this week I'm serious you won't see Monday. The next 2 days we played rummy, talked about old times, and onSun evening he said my younger brother "I'm tired let me be, I want to dream of all the deer I've hunted".  He asked to be alone and was gone that morning when we woke up. 

I am so sorry if I hijacked your thread, plz excuse me but I hope I've touched or connected with others whom have life stories that Negril has helped heal. My tears are very heavy right now, but this one is very close to me and I will always listen to someone heavy heart and mind on family issues at trip time.

After my fathers passing I immediately returned to Negril, and once again many understood, the talkers within us did not. This time I returned alone.

My hustler friend saw me the 1st evening on the beach and as I started to speak, he said "I know", "I knew soon as I saw your walk". We just walked that evening, not much was said, really no need to speak, just walked, drank couple beers and little meditation. I came to the conclusion during this walk that given the cards he was dealt my father chose his hand and why shouldn't I endorse his play. Very appreciative of our time, memories, and lessons. But being deadly honest would give my life this second to have just one more goodbye with him. I so miss him.

Off and on over the next 8 or 9 months, I spent nearly 3 months (over several trips) in Negril. I am here to tell you Negril can have and provide much more meaning to one's life other than a vacation. It can be and is therapuetic to many. Only a few will know what I mean by this statement.

I'm going to quit rambling and sincerely hope this outburst was not a thread killer or downer, I only meant to help if anyone has some weight on their shoulders prior to a trip.

Please excuse me for being this personal.

Jamb

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## Angel

Jamb you pulled on the heart strings. Sorry your father went through that. Jbizek if you can get a phone to use on your trip. If you need to cut trip short and go home it is a chance you decide to  or continue to stay. If you don't want to know if something happened than make that clear. I hope that things work out so you can go think you have waited long enough.

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## Maryann

Jambarney, thanks for sharing your experience.  Tears here.  So sorry about your dad.  Reminds me of when I lost my mother.  

At the time of her cancer diagnosis, we had planned for 10 days in Negril, but I immediately cancelled to care for her, and I never regretted that decision.  It would have taken 10 precious days of my time away from her as she only lived 3 months after the diagnosis.  After she passed, my best friend and I went to Negril for a week and it was exactly what I needed.  Was so thankful to have cancelled the previous trip because I so badly needed it after my mom passed.  It was such a healing experience and really cemented my love for Negril and the Jamaican people.  Felt closer to God than I had in a long time and returned home feeling a lot better than when I left. 

It does seem like every time we get ready to leave for vacation, though, something stressful does come up, but _usually_nothing so serious that would make me want to cancel the trip.  Seems like once the airplane leaves the ground, all my troubles are left behind.

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## Kimbobwee

Wow!!......We all..ALL have our own sh#t to deal with......some more than others, Respect.

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## gerryg123

_I need this trip so badly but I feel awful for going. Negril is good for the soul, I know it's what I need but will I allow myself to enjoy it?_

You must be kidding ..... Most of us could enjoy Negril even the world was coming to an end!!!

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## Jbizek

I want to thank everyone for their kind words and stories. I read every word and they helped so much. As,TFW pointed out the trip is booked and paid for no going back. I know we'll have an amazing time. Part of my anxiety is expectations. Our first trip was so perfect, but this trip is much longer and as DH pointed out last night we haven't been alone that long in 10 years! lol Must pace ourselves!

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## Maryann

Good for you!  Sounds like you and your hubby definitely need some alone time, and no doubt once you get there, you'll feel your troubles drifting away.  Always smile and count my blessings when, shortly  after getting to Negril, I hear the familiar Bob Marley tune _Three Little Birds_, "Don't worry about a thing 'cause everything little thing gonna be all right."  It really puts things in perspective and sets the tone for the rest of the vacation.

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## TizzyATX

Jambarney~  Just wanted to say thank you for sharing such an emotional and personal story....it made me laugh and cry and gave me some serious goosebumps.  You're Pops sounds like such a character.  I'm sorry for your loss, and really am touched by what you wrote.  Thank you and God bless you and yours.

Jbizek~ Not sure the specifics of what your going through but as everyone else has said....Negril can cleanse and heal. Hope things get betta for you soon.

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## The Chooch

What's goin on Jean? You got me worried....PM Me

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## Juli

When the stress is so heavy on your shoulders it takes its toll on everything in your life. Go to Negril ,breath, cry a little.  It will make you stronger to handle what lies ahead of you.
My Father has Stage 4, cancer (can't spell the kind). Everytime, I visit him, he ask when my next trip to Jamaica is? He laughs! Drink a Red Stripe for me & live your life.
Because," I wish I would have, doesn't count".

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## jasperpso

> My Father has Stage 4, cancer (can't spell the kind). Everytime, I visit him, he ask when my next trip to Jamaica is? He laughs! Drink a Red Stripe for me & live your life.
> Because," I wish I would have, doesn't count".


very true  = especially the last part

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## tfw73

Well this will be like a second honeymoon  :Smile:

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## bjritz

Jbizek, my trip in May was my first ever to Negril. The best, most relaxing 10 days eva! I didn't realize how curative it was until I was back. When I got back to work, my mind was at rest. That hadn't happened in a long time. Just seeing the sea, feeling the breeze, waking slowly, with sea air to oxygenate the ole brain made all the difference.

You are going to wash those troubles right out of your hair! Going alone sounds perfect, find yourself, free yourself. You are a very important person, a unique person, a person of great worth. You'll find the rest, peace and vitality you need. Be well, we are all rooting for you!

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## garysteph1018

Jean girly... u gotta great group of peeps to meet up with! I have no doubt u r going to have a blast! I can promise u will laugh even if it is at my expense!!!  :Smile:

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## rastadave

> Jean girly... u gotta great group of peeps to meet up with! I have no doubt u r going to have a blast! I can promise u will laugh even if it is at my expense!!!


 And.........................I hold you to that. HA!!  :Wink:

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## tfw73

> And.........................I hold you to that. HA!!


Well I am not joining that list lol.

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## rastadave

> Well I am not joining that list lol.



Lol...................You might just have too  :Smile:

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## tfw73

It would be purely by accident if I did!  LOL

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## Aud-A-Sea

I think once you get on the plane, you will naturally put all the stress and worries behind you.  Things are out of your control and they will be what they will be regardless of whether you go away or not. 

We went January 2009 with our daughter and son-in-law who were expecting their first baby.  Hubby and I decided to go back a few months later by ourselves.  The evening we arrived, we received the horrible phone call that our son-in-law died unexpectedly with our daughter 9 months pregnant.  

Negril is one of our favorite places and we were hesitant about going back thinking something will happen if we leave and the fact that my mother-in-law is 95 (anything can happen at any minute).  But we purchased trip insurance just in case.  The trip back to Negril in November 2009 was the most magical trip there and very healing.  

Bring a phone so you can be in contact and purchase trip insurance.  When our son-in-law died, it was emotionally stressful being so far away, but we did not have to incur any financial stress because we had insurance and were able to book any flight back at any cost and the insurance paid for it as well as reimbursed us for the time we did not use at the hotel.  

You cannot control things, but with insurance, you know you can take care of things if you need to return.

Just my opinion from experience.

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