Paradox in Paradise

[Jim-Donna]

"Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!" OHHHHHHHHHHHH TOO SWEET!!!

[brasi]

Great report...love the poetry...nice touch.

...and I don't like dat Indy man, either.

[rastalady]

Indy guy needs to get kicked off the rock!

[Patty Sather]

Indy guy needs to get kicked off the rock!

I believe he is making his own karma.......

[Guirigay]

I awake in the middle of the night, my head is a pulsing thumpfest. I’m thinking “Wow, I must be really dehydrated to have this bad of a headache from 5 stripes and a dirty banana.” I get out of bed to get some water in the bathroom and I feel extremely woozy – and not the pleasant variety. I get a big glass of water – they have one nice big 20-24oz plastic glass in the room – and I slug it down. Sweetie Pie asks how I am and says we’ll go get some Tylenol in the morning. I lie down and in a few minutes my mouth starts salivating, a little saltiness and I know what’s coming. Off to the bathroom I go again. It’s an ab racker so I’m thinking probably not the liquor but I lie down hoping it is and I’ll feel better soon. Now this is not romantic in the slightest but just let me say you really don’t want to have this happen when you’ve had ANY vinegary fish escoveitched and I had wolfed down the leftovers. Sweetie Pie is very comforting but I sleep uncomfortably, it does not get better. before dawn I manage to fall asleep.

I am awakened with “Sweetie, come take a look at this!” my blurry eyes come into focus to see Sweetie Pie leaning out over the verandah railing, her backdrop an impressionists dream of grays, blues, pinks, yellows and reds. Let me tell you, if you’re going to wake up feeling shiddy that’s the way to do it. I swerve out to the balcony and we hang out for a little bit watching light rise and darkness descend. I am in lousy shape. Sweetie Pie sends me back to bed. I feel bad. “Don’t worry, I’ll read my book on the verandah,” she smiles. HH had given her a brand new copy of The Hunger Games for the trip and she was hooked. “I’ll get us some coffee as soon as I see someone about,” she says. I’m in and out of consciousness for a good chunk of the morning. She gets us coffee, toast and eggs. I get up and try to eat but that turns into an epic fail. Back into bed I go. In and out again several times hoping the next waking moment will be without pain and nausea. At some point I think to grab the newbie list and give it to Sweetie Pie.

Every time I do awake, however, I am greeted with the view of Sweetie Pie reading her book on the verandah. If you have to be sick, that’s not a bad setup. I’ll be using that little mental picture the next time I’m down and out.

[Guirigay]

Finally, some time late morning, I’ve had it and I get up. I’m still feeling pretty ragged but I say, “Let’s go!” and we get dressed to walk downtown. We head down what will become our daily trek. On the way we pass Chicken Lavish and I’m very happy to hear Sweetie Pie say, “That’s supposed to be very good!” I am pleasantly surprised that thinking about food does not make me queasy. I know where we’re going for dinner. We are trying to find the Hi Lo but my head is spinny and we end up walking past the roundabout and up to the gas station. We stop and look at some fruit, the lady has some nice pineapples. I see a soursop too. We only have US$ so I tell her we’ll be back in a few.

We end up going back to the market at the roundabout. We get a Maalox type antacid, Tylenol and sunscreen at the pharmacy counter and change my cash, Sweetie Pie grabs 4 vitamin waters and we meet at the checkout. While I’m in line Sweetie Pie goes up to the rack by the exit with the dog food. I see her kind of fidgeting and say, “You’re thinking about our dogs aren’t you?” She nods and I say, “You want to buy food for the street dogs, don’t you?” She nods again and says, “Well, dog treats if I could find them but I don’t see any. You think I’m crazy don’t you?” Now I have to admit the question of the street dogs was posited with a snarky tone but it was a LOVING snarky tone so I couldn’t pass it up, “Sweetie, I KNOW you’re crazy!” Just as the clerk is ringing up the waters a bag of dog treats comes flying onto checkout belt. This was probably the best 1000J I spent the entire week. We walk out the door and I rip into the bags. A huge chug of antacid and Tylenol with vitamin water starts to turn the tide.

We walk back to the fruit lady and she cuts a pineapple up for us, we also get the soursop. She is very funny. “You just slice it open, peel it back and eat it,” she says as she gives a mildly erotic mime demonstration. I say that soursop is probably one of the most misnamed things on the planet, she agrees and tells a story about a lady who was very concerned about the name because she hates sour things.

We stop and get a couple of mangos from another vendor. By now the vitamin waters are gone and I can tell I’m on the mend which makes me very happy. We make another stop at a Rasta shop, get some oranges and he shows us his carvings. He is very good, a very high polish on most of his pieces. Most of his good stuff is in the 4000-8000J range but I ask him what he has for 1000J. I have a good friend at home with a tiki bar and I want to bring him a souvenir. He shows me a small, more roughly worked cedar Bob Marley head. Bingo.

[Guirigay]

We eat the pineapple on the road back to HSH. We get back to the room and cut a mango up. I’m feeling almost human again. We spend a little time on the verandah and I’m feeling a lot better. We run field of vision checks on the balcony and discover there is only the corner in the right for semi-privacy and only at night. Some of the verandah games will need to find a new playing field.

We suit up and head down for some time on the sundecks and our first swim in the sea. We stop and grab a couple of drinks, I’m not quite ready to jump all the way back in, I order just a Ting. We start down the stairs to the sea. We had walked down them last night in the dark which was a little sketchy with just my iphone flashlight. In the daylight they look spectacular. A series of crisscrossing stairs and bridges traverse between multiple sun decks and dives, all at different levels eventually leading down to a sea access deck with a ladder.

We set up on the farthest west deck, orienting the chairs to the track of the sun. We break out the books, Hunger Games for Sweetie Pie and I’m reading Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff by Christopher Moore. I notice that Sweetie Pie is using an unusual bookmark. “Did you fold up Beautiful Dreamer to use as a bookmark?” I ask. “Yes,” she replies coyly, “I want to always remember where I am.”

I tell her about what I was thinking this morning about being sick in paradise. She agrees and says she didn’t mind too much, she is devouring the book. I tell her my biggest disappointment about this morning was I had intended on waking her with a whisper in the ear, “Beautiful Dreamer, Awake Unto Me!” She likes that.

I point out an interesting visual effect that minds of a particular persuasion find interesting. Sweetie Pie is not of that persuasion so she is usually interested when I can describe or show something to her that sort of explains things a little. When you sit on a deck on the edge of a cliff you can set yourself so that as you look out to sea you can have an uninterrupted view of the sky and sea stretching to the horizon through the extent of your peripheral vision. Because there is little to nothing for your brain to process in context to other objects and the focal point of the horizon is so far way it is very easy to slip into a 2 dimensional mode of processing the image. It can be as if your staring at the most amazing painting you’ve ever seen. If you turn your head steadily and quickly to the cliff behind you are suddenly presented with an incredibly 3 dimensional surface at very close focus. It can play some fun mind games with you. Sweetie Pie finds it NEARLY as fascinating as I do.

[Guirigay]

Sweetie Pie slips back into her book. I’m reading a little but am prepared to spring a plan. It’s Sunday afternoon, I check the sea every once in a while for a sailboat. When I notice one coming I point it out to Sweetie Pie. As she watches I serenade her with Downstream by Supertramp.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZN_7mHDknyM


It’s time for a swim. We stop at the deck above the sea access level and take a gander; it’s maybe an 8 foot dive. Sweetie Pie has a reticent look on her face. We didn’t bring down our snorkel gear so I recommend we just swim today off of the access deck. She agrees and we go down and dive in. We swim for a bit, the water is just perfect. Cool enough to refresh you, warm enough to stay in for a long time. Sweetie Pie swims back to the access deck and scurries up to the 8 foot deck looking ready to jump. She’s so adventurous. She starts toward the edge and hesitates. “Do you want me to go first?” I ask. A nod and a smile bring me out of the water. I take the leap but because I don’t know how deep the water is I open my elbows out as I hit the water. It stops me shallow but even from only 8 feet it puts a nice little smack on my triceps. Sweetie Pie jumps in after me and keeps her feet together and her hands tucked in at her side. She goes down further than I expect her to, further than I did. She comes up smiling and excited, we swim around for a while and get back out.



The sea shower on the cliffs at HSH is unique. One of the deck platforms was built to extend back between the cliff and a very large rock that has cleaved off of it. From the resort at the top of the cliff you cross a cement stair bridge to reach the top of this large rock where the stairs continue to meander down. The piping for the shower runs down from the side of the bridge and the shower is directly under the bridge. This creates a very cool secluded shower spot with some incredible views.

As I head over to turn on the shower I hear Sweetie Pie say, “Oh, I’ve cut myself pretty bad!” I wish this was the first time I’d heard Sweetie Pie utter those words! I look over and her left foot looks like it’s covered in blood. Mild panic sets in, we grab a towel and quickly realize that the water was making it look worse than it is. Still, she has a coral cut that has broken well through the skin. We quickly rinse off at the sea shower and head up to the room. We run into Charlie and when he sees Sweetie Pies foot he runs off to grab something he can’t remember the name of. He returns with hydrogen peroxide and we rinse out the wound.

[Guirigay]

We decide to get cleaned up for sunset and dinner, a brief conversation as we’re both down with Chicken Lavish. We come down for drinks at the bar and sunset. A couple more dirty bananas! Yes, I’m back! As we‘re having our drink Charlie drops by and says a friend of his is there that he lets come in once a week to sell his wares. He’s a good guy, Charlie says. Sure, we’ll look at his stuff. So The Original Wicker Man comes over. He has a great spiel. “Nothing is definitive, everything is negotiable until we find agreement that satisfies both parties…” He’s really good, I like him. He does some really nice stuff with wicker. He explains the whole process of harvesting and preparing the vines then working them. Cool stuff but we’re not going to buy any wicker, we have virtually zero souvenir space. Sweetie Pie asks about necklaces and he pulls out a load of them. A lot of stone and anthracite stuff that could come from anywhere, Sweetie is asking about the origin of all the necklace materials. She starts to look at the coconut shell necklaces. Wicker Man says he polished them all himself. They are very nice and very Jamaica. Sweetie Pie tries one on and it’s beautiful. Wicker Man takes the opportunity to gaze at Sweetie Pies breast. “This necklace falls perfectly on your chest,” he says. I smile because he is truly right. I tell her she is giving the go ahead for a lot of guys to ogle her this week, they’ll just be able to say “Beautiful necklace” or “Where did you get that?” but I don’t mind, both her and the necklace are deserving of attention. We make a deal for $20 US. Sweetie Pie gets a lot of comments on the necklace over the week.

[Guirigay]

Sweetie Pie had asked for wine last night but someone had run off with the corkscrew so we couldn’t have any. Tonight we have a couple of glasses at sunset. It’s a beauty. Everyone is gearing up for the Super Bowl but Sweetie Pie has virtually no interest in watching televised sports so we hang out with a few other guests at the bar until just before the game starts and then we head to Chicken Lavish.

We head down the road, Sweetie Pies first venture out at night. She is wearing her Golden Goddess sandals, not a lot of protection. We work on our safe walking plan. In her sandals she walks on the very edge of the road with me off the road until we see oncoming traffic, then it’s off the road and walking if the side is OK or off the road and stop if it isn’t. Over the week we get really good at what side of the road to be on at any given section. Facing traffic whenever possible but sometimes it’s better to be on the other side depending on curves and walls and trees and dogs and touts.

We are the first dinner guests a Lavish, it was probably pretty slow until after the game. We order Conch soup, share a three piece and get some Red Stripes. 1700J!! The cook asks if we want fries or rice and peas. I say rice and peas and Sweetie Pie says fries. I’m trying to talk her into the rice and peas and she asks the cook if he’ll do half and half. As I continue to try to talk Sweetie into rice the cook gets my attention, “The lady would like half and half,” he says with a wry smile.”We’ll have half and half,” I say. “excellent choice!” says the cook.

We settle into the people watching table in the corner against the back wall. I love the dining room at Chicken Lavish, it’s a big covered open air affair with a lot of tables and you can tell it gets hopping. Unfortunately it’s a slow night. Conch soup – amazing. I want a gallon of it. It sets the standard for the week as far as soup goes and I will have some good ones. The chicken without the sauce is kind of like southern fried, we didn’t sauce it because of my stomach. Fortunately this is the last time we have to worry about how spicy anything is. Chicken Lavish slaw – amazing. Tangy, crunchy, ever so slightly sweet. Great rice and peas but what totally surprises me are the fries. They are perfect. Extremely crispy outside but not overdone. They are still soft and tender inside. A lot of places in Negril seem to have figured out great french fries but I believe Lavish has the best. They may be the best I’ve EVER had.

We finish up our dinner and one other couple has come in to dine and somebody else has stopped by for takeout. It is like a private dining room almost as the other couple has taken the table as physically far apart from us as possible. I turn to Sweetie Pie and ask, “Are you satisfied?” “For food,” she replies. “Well, let’s see if there are any other desires I can help you with…”

We stop by the kitchen on the way out to give our respects and have a nice conversation with chef and the cook. The cook says, “I’ve been cooking 13 years and Chef been at it 30.” It shows.