Paradox in Paradise

[Jim-Donna]

We will be waiting......................TAP.............TAP.. .............TAP~~

[Guirigay]

Sweetie Pie’s circadian rhythms and mine are pretty well in sync for the most part. On her own she normally gets up a little earlier than me but together we seem to fall into a pattern of slowly waking, snuggling, dozing and reawakening that starts sometime before six and usually has us up by 6:30. In Negril the dance seems to start a little earlier. The first few nights we don’t sleep real soundly and there is a rooster somewhere well down the road that likes to get his first crow in around 4:30. My kinda rooster. He certainly is not loud enough to wake you from a slumber as later nights will attest but as I lie in a semi-lucid half sleep I hear him and check my watch. He is pretty consistent through the week.

Darkness breaks about 5:30 and with each roust from the dozing we check the light past the verandah. Just before 6:30 we get up. I notice that across the courtyard there is a suite on top of the kitchen area that has a stairway up to its roof. Yesterday we couldn’t see the sun actually come up from our verandah and I can tell this roof top has a great view. We dress and walk over. We are greeted by one of the better sunrises we will have this week, a pulsing, ever changing show of color on some whispery clouds perfectly spaced between us and the sun. We stand quiet for the most part, Sweetie Pie’s back pressed against my chest, my arms around her waist.



I love to find a spot where you can watch sunrise or sunset and turn around to see the opposite horizon. I find that often the light play behind you at these times can be as or more impressive than the sun itself. Sunrise in Negril offers the opportunity to watch darkness descend out across the Caribbean and our location is perfect. It does not disappoint today. A fishing boat headed out to the reef goes by and I have an incredible sensation of providence. I feel good, the sun is up and we’re in paradise. I turn to Sweetie Pie,”Coffee?” “Oh, yeah!”



Coffee is very important to both Sweetie Pie and me. Blue Mountain coffee is very high on our anticipation list for this trip. Unfortunately, the restaurant coffee at HSH is one of the few disappointments we have with the place. Later in the week we notice some guests renting a percolator from Charlie but today all we know is the coffee yesterday was not up to our standards. Really, not even close. Sweetie Pie swears it is instant and I’m not going argue with her. It was not good. So on our walk into town yesterday we kept our eyes out for a coffee stop. Sweetie Pie remembers one that stood out to her but doesn’t remember the name. I remember a nice looking cliff side shack that said Blue Mountain Coffee in big letters. We head out.

[Guirigay]

It’s shortly after sunrise but there is already a fair bit of activity about. It’s fairly quiet though as it seems to be a lot of watering, gardening, sweeping and raking. There are a lot more friendly greetings of passing at this time of the morning. Sweetie Pie has loaded up one of her cargo pockets with dog treats and she is very excited. We pass a street dog at one of the lane intersections and Sweetie Pie tries to give it a treat. The poor guy is extremely timid and won’t go for it. Sweetie Pie is disappointed and says,”Now I feel really stupid, maybe this wasn’t a good idea.” “Caring is never a bad idea,” I tell her and give her a kiss. This poor, frightened dog is the only one all week who avoids Sweetie Pie’s treats.

We pass Mi Yard, home of the latest and earliest cup of coffee in Negril. I tell Sweetie Pie we’ll head back there if the Blue Mountain option falls through. We do end up having a very memorable cup of coffee there later. Just ahead on the water side of the road are a series of shacks all connected to each other, a nice little bar set back in one and the Blue Mountain coffee shack at the end on the right. The windows are propped up but the door isn’t open and we call but no one comes to the door. Sweetie Pie says this isn’t the one she was thinking of anyway. We walk a few more yards down the road and she says, “There it is!”

There is a young man standing out on the road looking a little groggy. He greets us and asks what we’re doing today. “Looking for some good coffee,” Sweetie Pie says. “This is the place, mon! Here, come on in, I’ll take care of you.” I’m not really sure exactly where we are at the moment. We enter through a gate between the German Bar and a large multi-story sort of Spanish looking building with a nice garden shaded verandah on the front and a PADI dive shop in back. There are all sorts of different signs around – German Bar, Mary’s Bay, the PADI shop, Easy Rock, Internet Café and several others. We head toward the verandah.

“Late night, big party, Superbowl,” says our hopeful barista. Initially we’re not quite sure if he is coming in or going home when we show up. We tell him we’ll take a to go cup if he has them if he’s trying to get out. “No, no,” he says, “I’ve got nice big mugs you can walk around here with but they’re not to go.” He starts in on what are obviously opening up chores. “Have a look around,” He says,”I’ll let you know when the coffee is ready.”

Now I love this about Jamaica but I can see how it can frustrate certain personalities. He DOES NOT start on the coffee. He has a few other get the place going things he’s going to do every day regardless of circumstances. Getting the coffee going is probably somewhere between 6-10 on his list. So we walk around and look at the property. It is a gorgeous location that I will go into some more detail on later.

[Guirigay]

On the large patio between the German Bar and the big building we meet the German Bar dogs, Ganja and Jamaica. Ganja is a sort of scruffy looking dog, Jamaica has the classic look of a Jamaican street dog. Sweetie Pie is ecstatic. Her first accepted biscuit of the week goes to Jamaica. “I know you’re taken care of and these aren’t supposed to be for you but you’re just so cute!” she says.



We come back and have a chat while site prep continues. We learn our coffee god’s name – Max. Max is a big sports guy and the BBC sports feed comes on the speakers. We talk a lot of Futbol, I have played, coached and ref’ed in my day. I tell Max about my experiences watching Jamaican matches, chain link fences and barb wire separating fans from players, usually only by inches. “Yah, mon, we’re crazy,” he says. Max won’t say too much but it seems he was a player of some repute in his younger days. Coffee still isn’t ready but we’re in no rush. We chat away while Max goes about his chores.

Eventually the magic elixir is ready and Max pours us a couple of mugs. “Now what were you saying about rum cream down here?” asks Sweetie Pie. Max grabs one of the small bottles off the shelf behind him. We crack it and turn a perfect cup of coffee into a little bit of heaven. We head out to drink our coffee on the German Bar pier. I’m going to say this right now, if you know of a more romantic place to share a cup of coffee early in the morning than the pier at the German Bar, you’ve got something very special.

Notice the pocket full of dog biscuits Sweetie Pie is toting



We head back in for another mug, black this time to take in all the flavor. What always amazes me about Blue Mountain is you can make it quite strong and it never gets bitter. Max makes it strong and it’s delicious. “Lots of people come for my coffee,” he says and we believe him. Nice Krups slow drip machine. Not French press but excellent drip coffee. Sweetie Pie is taking a shine to Max which cracks me up a little. He might be the most sport crazed man we meet the whole week, not her usual cup of joe. This is now her place and I don’t think there is a second we’re there the rest of the trip that the BBC sports feed isn’t playing.
We settle up and head out. 900j for 4 big mugs of coffee and the rum cream. We forgot the rum cream and Max comes running after us. “We’ll bring it back tomorrow,” we say with big smiles.

[Guirigay]

Back to HSH we head. We eat some fruit for breakfast, a mango and the soursop. If you are ok with your fingers getting sticky wet a soursop may be the most sensual and fun fruit you can ever share with your lover. I’m just going to leave it at that. The flavor is creamy and sweet with just a slight pineapple-citrus finish. I love them.

We prep for the water. We have SPF water shirts but we slather on the sunblock on our necks, ears, calves and my scalp. We’re going to snorkel today. Down to the sea deck we go. Sweetie Pie, with one hand on the sea ladder, attempts to lean over and wet her mask. I see more injuries in her future and pull her back. I show her the safe way to enter the water with fins, mask and a sea ladder. One foot on the ladder toes pointing out to sea, swing the other foot over and on, step down until you can sit on a ladder step. Hold you’re mask down, don’t reach for the water, wait for a wave to come up to your mask. Big loogie (I have to do this for her)wipe, rinse, smush the mask on your face, breath in through your nose to pull it tight.

Soon we’re in the water and heading east along the cliffs. There are lots of small coral and boulder canyons running in this direction, great for snorkel diving. I try to show Sweetie Pie how to dive but she just flails at the surface. She has a hard time pulling herself far enough below the surface to get the power from our large scuba flippers to drive her down. It’s cute and funny. She’s not getting it so we move on. I point out a large gar fish and she gets so excited she sucks in water. I can hear this even though I’m submerged. She comes up choking and laughing, a strange combination.

We get down to Blue Horizon West and I point out a sea ladder where we can get out and take a break. I show Sweetie Pie how to get out on a sea ladder, basically entering in reverse. It always feels a little strange to go up a ladder backwards. Unlike the nicely tilted ladder at HSH the Blue Horizon ladder is a little more vertical making it even more peculiar. The shoreline at Blue Horizon is very broken up, from HSH it doesn’t look like more than stairs down to a rough platform with a sea ladder. When you get over there you can see that at one time it was a very nice series of stairs, platforms and perches. Now it has been seriously worn down by the sea and old steel handrails and crumbled concrete dot the shoreline. It’s a very dramatic spot.

There is a young man enjoying a sub in a secluded spot amongst the rocks that we couldn’t see until we were up on the sea deck. We nod and smile at each other. We grab a spot on some steps out of his view and chill for a while. It is a very nice spot. We gear up and head back out but Sweetie Pie notices a plastic bottle floating in the water and it irritates her. Once in the water she tracks it down then heads back toward the sea deck to throw it out. Her first throw is unsuccessful so she recaptures the rogue bottle and gets closer to throw it out. The bottle makes it out but I hear Sweetie Pie say,”Oh, ouch, dammit!” I wish this was the first time I had heard those words from Sweetie Pie.

[Guirigay]

We snorkel back to HSH and check out the area where we jumped. It’s probably only 7 or 8 feet deep where she went in. If only she’d had her scuba shoes on… We scope out the landing areas for some of the other jumps but I have a feeling we’re done with jumping this trip.

We head for the ladder. Sweetie Pie easily negotiates the nicely tilted HSH ladder. We hit the sea shower, it’s very nice.

On our way up we run into Robert and Carol, a nice couple from Canada we met last night. Robert sees Sweetie Pies foot and runs up to get a tube of Bacitricin. This ends up being very helpful for Sweetie Pie through the week. Robert tells a very funny snail joke, perfectly slow played until the punch line.

Back at the room we change and as we are chilling on the verandah our driver Chris shows up. We beg off the Percy’s trip but schedule Mayfield Falls for Friday. Since we want to rush nothing this week we tell him 10:30 departure. Another perfect day lies in our future.

We decide we’re walking up the cliffs today so after dressing we head out. We get to Samsara and I start to tell Sweetie Pie about my last trip here with the ex and the kids. We spent one night at Samsara and hated it, walked up the lane the next day and saw Xtabi, I told the ex that it was an amazing place but I didn’t think they allowed kids. From over the wall a gardener says, “Oh sure we do!” and proceeds to pitch me on the place. We talk for literally five minutes about a variety of things, he’s trying to sell me on the place the whole time. We never see each other but he convinces to go up to registration, we get a room and move in for an incredible week. The entire staff called me Family Mon the whole time. It holds a special place for me and my kids. I tell her I’m a little anxious, she squeezes my hand and kisses me.

Xtabi is every bit as beautiful as I remember it. We go in and grab a table under the roof. We order a couple of Red Stripes and conch burgers. The Stripes show and I ask if we have time before the burgers for me to show Sweetie Pie the caves. Of course I know the answer is “Yah, mon” but really just want to let the waiter know we’ll be gone for a few.

[Guirigay]

We go down the beach cave first, Sweetie Pie thinks it is just too cool. Up and over to the boulder cave next. I show Sweetie the sea window and say we’re supposed to come back and take a picture. She says it would make a great picture. It is all pretty emotional for me, even now I’m feeling tings of pain thinking about wandering the caves with my kids, swimming with my ex, sitting on the decks. I’m glad to be there with Sweetie Pie though and the excitement and wonder in her eyes is clearly visible. It makes me happy. “Let’s go eat a conch burger!” I say.

Now the Xtabi conch burger is a singular thing of perfection. My understanding of this fact would come to pay some very nice dividends later in the week. Today it pays off in a sublime lunch. It is an amazing creation. I don’t know how they manage to hold all the conch together, there doesn’t seem to be any breading. It is just giant delicious mouthful of conch after giant delicious mouthful. It is ecstasy on a bread bun, a taste bud orgasm, food porn. Sweetie Pie is enjoying it nearly as much as me.

We are somewhere short of 48 hours on the island. Sweetie Pie turns to me and says,”We are coming back to Negril!” He swings… CRACK!!... Oh my, he got all of that ladies and gentlemen… It’s going, going… I’m taking the slow trot, only this one’s hand in hand…

We head down the path close to the road after lunch and run into a gardener. I wonder if he is the same man I talked to all those years ago. He asks if we’re staying there and I tell him, “Not this time, but I’ve stayed here before and will be bringing her back.” He smiles and says, ”Oh, taking her to the cave.” We wind through the cliff side cottages and I point out some of the views. I wonder which cottage Rum and Mrs. Peel were in. We head down to the bar cave. Sweetie Pie is fascinated. I show her the blow hole pool and we watch it fill and drain for a while. We make pirate talk double entendres and steal a moment.

On the way out we run into the gardener again. “How was it, mon?” he asks. “I think that’s my favorite cave,” I say, “It always reminds me of…” “A pirate cave,” the gardener finishes my sentence with a huge smile, “Yah, mon!” I pay my respects on his work, the gardens at Xtabi are always beautiful. I tell him I’m going to take Sweetie Pie across the road to his best work, he smiles again.

We go across to the garden side and I get a little anxious again as I fall back in time. My kids played with the owners children at the pool and inside the beautiful house behind it. I wonder how those kids are doing, how my kids are doing. I look up at the balcony where my ex and I shared so many evenings. I pull myself back to the present and try to give Sweetie Pie a little tour. The garden side at Xtabi is almost like a horticultural garden. Few plants are repeated in the design but all are in very good condition, a true testament to the gardener’s skills.

[Guirigay]

We head up the road, Sweetie Pie wants to check out Rockhouse. This is the part of the cliffs that shows the most change since my last visit. Lots of high stone walls on each side of the road, pretty disappointing. Rockhouse is, however, gorgeous. I had tried to book the low end rooms both here and at Tensing Pen for this trip but they were full. I tell the gate guard this and that I had been told to stop by for a tour if I could make it. We get a very nice tour of the place and even get a garden room opened up for us to have look. There will be a stay here at some point in our future. We stop by the restaurant to try to make reservations for the Rock Table. We are taken to 3 different people before an attractive, very professional looking lady pulls out a reservation book. There is some funny back and forth between some of the staff, looking at us, looking at the reservation book, looking at each other and back at us. Finally the boss lady says, “Tomorrow? We have seatings at 5, 7 and 9, which would you prefer?” “Well we’d like to be here for sunset, so 5 we think.” “We offer a complimentary one way shuttle, would you like us to pick you up?” “Sure” “We’ll be there at 4:45” They were.

So I’m walking on clouds as we leave, I’d been unsure if we’d be able to get the Rock Table and now we have it. The Evil Dr. Yes makes an appearance. “That looks incredible doesn’t it?” I ask Sweetie Pie. “I can’t believe we’re going to eat there,” she says. “Thursday night will be better…” I taunt. We have a little back and forth.

A lovely walk up the road brings us to Tensing Pen and the same story gets us another nice tour. We are left at the bar, we get a drink and go down to the cliff edge. Sweetie Pie marvels at the difference in the cliffs here and the walkways that have been cut into them. We soak it up for a while.

We continue up the road and I point out other spots I remember. As we approach Catcha I try to engage Sweetie Pie in conversation and we walk right past the sign without her even noticing. Success!! We make it to Ricks and before we even head in she says, “It looks very touristy.” I smile. We walk in and I’m almost immediately hit up by a diver, I give him a couple 100J. We walk to the edge and look at the jump cove. Sweetie Pie says, “That’s impressive.” She looks around the cliff and says, “This is not.” I’m not kidding, we’re inside the gates at Rick’s less than ten minutes. If I had a watch my guess is it would be closer to five minutes. “Let’s go to Seastar and get a drink,” she says. We don’t even wait for a diver to jump. I am in love with this girl…

[Guirigay]

I keep Sweetie Pies attention by telling stories from the board about Seastar until we turn up the lane, she is completely clueless about the existence of Catcha Falling Star. We roll up to the bar and I’m really impressed with the premises. The bar and restaurant area is huge and the new woodwork is very nice, a lot of carving on all the posts. We order up drinks and I remind Sweetie Pie of one of my strong trip desires. I have really been looking forward to a bar that doesn’t have problems with self-catering. I know Seastar is sub sandwich friendly. She smiles as I grab a snack.

Now my only problem with Seastar is they have CNN on the TV as we’re hanging at the bar. Sweetie Pie can’t resist and occasionally grabs a look. Eventually I have to drag her over to the couches, out of earshot of the TV’s. We snuggle up and sip away. After a couple of dirty bananas and Red Stripes we notice a van pull in with new guests. Who pops out of the driver’s door? It’s Percy! We chat a few times as he goes by. He says he saw Chris and hopes we enjoy Mayfield. We tell him about wanting to go out to his place but not wanting to go with the Indy’s. I sort of hint at why we don’t want to share their company and he says, “Yah, mon, I know what you mean.” We talk about coming out to his place for a day or two when we come back with HH and Coolbook. We ask him about camping there. HH and Coolbook spent three months backpacking through Costa Rica and Percy’s would be like the Ritz. “No one’s ever done it but we’ll work something out,” He smiles. We have his card.

Percy is hanging out, he says he’ll run us back to HSH when we’re ready. I go up to the bar for a couple more drinks. Sweetie Pie says she is going to lay down on the couch for a little bit. As I’m gathering the bottles the bartender gets a concerned look on her face as she glances over to the couches. “Is she OK?” she asks. I turn around to see Sweetie Pie fully laid out on the couch with an arm up over her head. I start to bust out laughing. All the BOARDIE DOWN stories come rushing through my head, particularly TicToc’s story that took place on those very couches! “She’s OK,” I inform her, “Just resting.” “Well you just keep her resting right there,” she says, “Happy hour is about to start and Percy will take you home when you’re ready.” So here is another thing I have to say – Seastar staff is awesome.

A little chill later Percy gets a phone call. When he hangs up he says, “We can go whenever you’re ready.” This makes me smile, it’s such a kind, passive way of saying what he really meant. Brilliant. “We can go now if you’ve got business Percy.” “Yah, mon!” says Percy with a smile and we’re off.

[Guirigay]

Back at HSH we settle in for a little late afternoon nap. It’s a good one. We slowly drift back to consciousness on the sounds of guitar and an amazing voice coming in faintly from the restaurant. “How about a quick swim, catch the sunset then Bentley’s?” I ask Sweetie Pie. “Sounds perfect,” come the reply. We throw our suits on and head down.

We head past the bar and find Charlie playing guitar with Steve, a guest we had seen show up with his acoustic last night. We don’t make it to the sea. Steve is a repeat visitor to HSH and always tries to get Charlie to play with him. They sound great. Steve’s lady Terry has a monster voice. Most of the guests at HSH have gathered in the bar this evening and things start to get really fun. Drinking and singing and snacking and laughing on the cliffs of Negril at sunset. Terry tells Steve to play Supertramp. I laugh and say, “Do you know this one?” and knock out the first few lines of Downstream. Terry smiles and says, “No, but I’ll bet you know this one.” Steve kicks into the intro to Give a Little Bit. Charlie comes in and then Terry and I sing it. We sound half decent, I’m having a blast. I turn to Sweetie Pie to serenade her and just about bust out laughing. She’s picked up The Hunger Games and is reading away. She looks at me and I get an air smooch and then she’s back in the book. Not the same impact as the cliffs yesterday!

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a hack singer but I am the product of 16 years of Catholic education which means a lot of choir and singing in church. I can carry a tune that I practice. Steve and Charlie and Terry are playing enough stuff that I know that I can kick in and Steve graciously pulls me back to the harmony when I try to run with the melody against Terry’s serious pipes. I get several smiles between page turns from Sweetie Pie. After we sing a nice version of Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours” A few people ask how long we’ve played together. I am floating because Steve and Terry are real, serious talents. “You’re very lucky, one night only!” jokes Steve. Sweetie Pie finishes her chapter and we try to sing a few things where we can get everybody going but can’t find anything that hits for everybody. Things wind down and I get a few more comments that go into the Can’t Believe They Said That box.