Paradox in Paradise

[Guirigay]

Warning! Lots of romantic ramblings and philosophical musings will follow…

First, shout outs to RastaGal, Patty Sather, GerryG, Brasi, TicToc, Daisy-Markus-Jamar, Rum-Polephoreskin, Hettie, Kahuna and all the folks I've forgotten who’ve invested time in their trip reports the last couple of months. You all roll differently but everyone has offered multiple insights to me on the who, what, when, where and how of a great trip to Negril. What was not really expected and probably most enjoyed, however, were the why’s. Beautiful, thoughtful, emotional, silly, ridiculous, profane why’s. They were amazing and perceptive. I’ve followed them closely and got a trove of information to help me prepare for a week of spontaneity. Planned impulsiveness? Yeah, that’s not really intuitive, but it’s a fairly decent absurdity to describe me. Sponge up as much information as I can on as many facets as I can think of concerning something I want to do, then try to follow the lucid moment. I suspect, though, in Negril it will be interspersed with a series of semi-coherent interludes.

[Guirigay]

And thus, the title of my self-indulgent opus. I think this may be the perfect/worst place to introduce a little verse. You may find it amusing, you may want to slap me silly, you may be amused about slapping me silly…

--Education—
The considerable powers of science and academia
Have failed us
Centuries have been lost
In this world of mine
Teach me
To Live
With paradox

The story I’m working on involves finding happiness while losing love, searching for peace while living in chaos, turning the page but remembering the tale, letting go while holding on, learning to detach from an attachment that will never go away. The last few years of my life have played out like a really bad Hollywood script. I have read some impressively presented back stories here but I’m talking Star Wars epic and Pulp Fiction crazy just on my side. Sweetie Pie’s story has its own set of bizarre twists. The full back story would far outweigh our penultimate chapter so I will give you just the character synopsis of our protagonists. If it sounds crazy in brief, just multiply by infinity to get an idea of the full story, I am trimming out a lot. Oh Yeah, I asked Sweetie Pie and she said it was OK to include her in this trip report –

[Guirigay]

the Cast of Characters -

Guirigay – pronounced gear-ee-guy with the Spanish rolled r. A nickname given to me by some friends from Spain. Guiri’s are tourists in Spain from northern Europe, always red from sunburn. I am always red, only occasionally from sunburn.I am a guiri guy. I am also a gregarious soul. Boisterous, occasionally loud, full of commotion, sounding of gibberish to some individuals. The Spanish word for that is guirigay. The Spaniards find that hilarious, I find it both accurate and endearing.

I was, or thought I was, a one woman man married for life. 22 years together, 2 children at University of Michigan and Kalamazoo College, beautiful home, great job. All of our friends thought we were the perfect family and to be honest, so did I. It’s amazing how fast things can fall apart. With the youngest off to college the ex had little to do, she’s a small fortune heiress and never really wanted to work after having the kids. Alcohol and submarine sandwiches filled her days. She started hanging out with our daughters friends who had not gone off to school. It got to the point where she was slurry by the time I got home most evenings. I tried to talk to her about this, didn’t go well. Tried therapy, she wouldn’t go. In a matter of 3-4 months she’s telling me that she doesn’t love me, won’t ever love me again, but it’s OK to hang around as long as I’m willing to be told every few days in some fairly brutal terms that she needs to let me know she doesn’t love me.

My genius daughter (not kidding, 140+ on multiple IQ tests) drops out of college to wait tables while lying about dropping out. The wife and I split and she drags around one of my daughters 19 year old male friends to a one bedroom apartment and then to the house she buys with money I give her in the settlement. She and the lad start a cold cuts deli for submarine sandwiches.

Through all of this, I can’t help it I’m a stupid romantic, I’m hoping and working for a reconciliation. I met Sweetie Pie just before the divorce was final and we had an immediate an intense connection. Initially , though, it made me long for what I’d lost. After a few months I decide I need to make one last effort at reconciliation. Long heartfelt conversations with Sweetie Pie ensue. She is amazingly, painfully, beautifully understanding. Sweetie Pie and I break up. The ex says she wants to try, a week later she says no, no she doesn’t. I’m swimming somewhere well below the surface. A few months after the breakup Sweetie Pie sends me a beautiful birthday gift. We agree to go see a movie we’d talk about many times while dating. It’s Christmas time and we exchange gifts. She gives me a gorgeous Japanese wool scarf she knitted herself. She spent a lot of hours on that scarf, and we were not dating. I knew she was something special.

We see each other every couple of weeks and she has plans to learn to ski (I am an avid skier). Her friends who were going to go with her back out at the last minute and she is still on her way, by herself. I am seriously impressed by her adventurism. I take her on her first ski trip and it’s a lot of fun. We’re dating again within a month.

Shortly after we start dating again, my son comes home and tells me he believes he is transgendered and he is going to begin the transition process. This is out of the blue, no prior indication. I am very close to him and did NOT see it coming. This was about 11 months ago. He’s been on hormones for 6 months and I’m working on understanding the inconceivable. Let me tell you, it ain’t easy.

I thank goodness for Sweetie Pie and thank Sweetie Pie for goodness.

[poolguywindsor]

WTF did that say! lol

[Guirigay]

Cast of Characters Continued -

Sweetie Pie – is incredibly deserving of the name. She is a kind, loving, nurturing, helpful, considerate, understanding, caring soul. As a perfect example, she has a terrible problem with competitive games that require you to make deals with other players. She will always make the deal that helps the other player. The funny thing is, it’s not a problem for her, she has won by helping her competitor win. Sweetie Pie!!

Sweetie Pie was, or thought she was, a one man woman married for life. 16 years with the first man she really fell in love with. No children but a life filled with adventure, art and travel. As a professional photographer she had worked travelling on her own through France, spending a month in Paris roaming the streets, immersed in her art. Opportunities to travel to Australia and the Carribean were pursued. She worked as a still photographer for a number of independent films, getting the chance to work with some impressive artists. Her ex was a computer scientist with an avocation for the violin. He made good money with computing (I can relate) but he loved the violin. He played in symphonies for a long time but began experimental electric violin performances at some new age spirituality venues he was drawn to.

Sweetie Pie says her marriage had a more gradual decline than mine but it was steady and unnerving. Her ex began displaying two distinct personalities – Computer Scientist and Performance Artist. Eventually Performance Artist won out. He now goes by a made up stage name and has for all intents and purposes abandoned his previous life. He asked Sweetie Pie for an open marriage. She ain’t that understanding.

Sweetie Pie had been divorced for 2 years when we met and her experiences and outlooks were very similar to mine. Many of the things she told me during our early relationship have come to pass. Things I could not see happening at the time. She has been a great friend, confidant and guide for me.

I don’t want to delve too deeply into Sweetie Pie’s feelings for me or her experience of our relationship, it’s a little too self-aggrandizing even for a hornblower like me. What I will say is she lets me know regularly how much she cares for me and makes me feel incredibly lucky nearly every moment I’m with her.

[Guirigay]

So we were supposed to be headed to Jamaica with Sweetie Pie’s sister and brother-in-law who are, in order, the second sweetest person I’ve ever met and a dude who has settled in right near the top of my coolbook. Insanity and relaxation were to be the order of the days but work got in the way for Coolbook. He slipped a couple of positions…

When the hedonistic shuffle fell through it did not take me very long to come up with an alternate plan. Sweetie Pie and I have done some wonderfully romantic stuff – Mackinac Island, Bed and Breakfasts, A houseboat hotel in Saugatuck – but only for a couple of days and all in or around Michigan. We both feel like we’re at a place where a week alone in a tropical paradise will strengthen the bond between us. There are things that can be put to bed and things that can be awakened. Negril held a special place in my family and for me in particular. When we stayed at Xtabi the entire staff called me Family Mon. Sweetie Pie and I are going to create some new memories in an old haunt and shake off some ghosts. I started to get even more excited about this trip than the party plan.

So we booked! Then I got hooked on freakin’ Negril.com! I used to check this place out quite a bit in years past but it’s been awhile. Funny thing is the vibe is still very much the same in general. The trip reports, though, seem to have taken a completely new and interesting tack though. More blog like, less rudimentary documentation. I’m digging it.

[Guirigay]

Last night while packing Sweetie Pie and I are having a little issue over problems with one of our three dogs. I’m kind of shuffling around biting my tongue because the issue is with one of her dogs. She sees what’s going on and her excellent advice, as usual, is “Don’t internalize!” We talk it out and all I can think is – Damn you’re awesome! So a little later I asked what she would think if I wrote a story about us on the web and she says, “That would be nice, I think it might be good for you.” She sees right inside me sometimes… I’ve been telling her to check out Negril.com but she hasn’t got around to it. Now she’s interested but I told her she can’t check until after we’re back, too many nuggets out here now!

So if you see these people rolling around Negril next week you’ll know who we are. Try to remember that this tome is for a limited purpose. While it is all me it is not all that I am. I hang with my boys, just won’t be my focus next week. Say hi, we’re fun and friendly.

[marley9808]

Wow!
I am speechless (ok not really, because that doesn't ever happen with me, I always have something to say, so here goes)
The reports and openess and emotion on the board lately has been beyond amazing! I feel so renewed in a way with human beings recently after I had seriously started to lose all hope in us. People nowadays are so rude and you only hear stories of heartbreak, abuse, etc etc. It lifts my spirits to read FROM MEN (no offense, but usually you don't hear from men about these feelings, except my hubby-that's why I married him), but with Brasi, then Rum and now Guirigay-what a joy! See women.....there really ARE men like this in the world....not just in the movies...so don't settle for the jerks! Everyone...men and women, deserve to know and feel this kind of love.

Thanks for sharing Guirigay. I was rooting for you before when I just thought you were trying to find some romance with your Sweetie Pie, but now I am seriously backing you! Shouting, Jumping, Clapping......You go, boy!

[Rumrunner]

I totally agree with Marley! It's really nice to hear from men baring their souls.
I am definitely one of the lucky women. On March 29 hubby and I will be celebrating our 43rd anniversary. We are probably more in love now than the day we got married. AND we're still having fun!
Guirigay and Sweetie Pie, have a wonderful, romantic time in Negril.

[sandy-girl]

"See women.....there really ARE men like this in the world....not just in the movies...so don't settle for the jerks! Everyone...men and women, deserve to know and feel this kind of love."

I agree with Marley.. Have a great time in Negril. BTW, you guys make a very nice looking couple.