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Smith, you're humor is superb!!! 
As Smith said, best to talk with a few vendors or eating establishments ahead of time. Many will do all they can to make you happy. I tend to like mine without saltfish, preferring it either plain or mixed with some veg....love calaloo with mine. Ras Rody pon da cliffs generally has ackee (no saltfish) since he is ital...either has calalloo or pop chow, which is very similar. He is open in the afternoons and early evening.
Talk with Juliet, as Sharks near RR and Tensing Pen, she is quite the cook and will often look around or shop for personal requests. There are many local spots around that are more likely to have it...so, talk with the locals and route taxi drivers, for they know the best places IMHO. Good luck and don't be timid about trying any dishes that you aren't familiar with...some of my new favorites, I never dreamed about eating before turned out to be some great stuff. So many different vegetables and stews that are really awesome!!
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