Thanks guys! I have a few more stories to share. They will be titled,Dirt Party Danger?,You give your life for a DOG!!!??,Jet Ski Joy,NAKED IN THE MARKET...or damn near!!!,Close the door!.
Stay posted over the next day or 2, these stories are real and halarious! Thanks for the feedback!
great stuff. love all the little details ....
"After all, he did dedicate an entire 30 minutes of his life talking to DNL and he did not want all that work to go down the drain, so he was willing to wait for her.He waited by the fence...looking, waited by the bar...looking,waited at the picnic table...looking."
Ugh! The waiters! That drives me completely insane! I don't understand why someone would think just because you talk with them for a few minutes you are now somehow attached to them! It's even more annoying when you move on and are trying to have a conversation with someone else or your friends and they are "hovering". Very annoying.
"Don't gain the world and lose your soul, wisdom is better than silver and gold" R.N.M
Dunns River Fall's "NAKED IN THE MARKET...or damn near!"
We get ready to go to Dunns. All they tell us to do is to wear your bathing suit, bring a towel,some dry clothes to put on afterwards, and to buy water shoes if you have none. Cool. Thats what we did. We followed directions. No problem right?
The ride to Dunns was beautiful. I love riding along the coast in Jamaica. Everywhere you look there is something interesting, fascinating, intriguing.Looking to one side, you see all the flora and fauna as well as the carved mountains sprinkled w/ houses on hills. Looking on the other side is all sea. Breathtaking! As we were driving it started to rain for a few minutes.I was looking out the window towards the sea and enjoying the rainfall. I vaguely saw a cute young couple in the water and all you could see where their heads. The rest of their bodies were underwater and they were nose to nose.In the sea...in the rain...and happy as they wanted to be. It was just downright romantic!
We get to the falls, the guide introduces himself and tells us what is about to take place. Our group was a nice fun group and we were all excited to hike up the falls. As we are all bout to bring our belongings and start the adventure, the guide tells us to leave all our stuff in the shuttle and change into your swim suit if you do not already have it on and lets go.I said, "Oh...OK...so we leave out towels and our shorts too?...Theres no locker or anything down there so I can bring my stuff, I mean...?" The guide replies, "Ya mon you don't need anthing, just water shoes and swimsuit, lets go have a great time, ya ready?". "YEAH MON!" the group replies. I am not ready for this. I did not know I had to walk around in just my bathing suit. I am fine when I am in a pool and my towel is at least 6 feet from me at all times.Or when I am a the beach and my stuff is right there on the lounger if I need it. Now don't get me wrong I am a secure woman and I am secure with my body. But am not sure the rest of the public is secure with it...just to be blunt and give you a visual. I am not a big-un,but I am also not a toothpick(side note big-uns and toothpicks are all beautiful).But I do have natural DDD size breast, I also have a full rounded rear and full sized legs. Saying this to say, that when I walk a around in a bathing suit it does not go unnoticed. I if wanted to get all kinds of hoots and hollers I would walk around in my bathing suit all the time , but I don't becasue it always creates more attention than I like. So I always have my sarongs or my daisy dukes, or at least a fishnet mesh top to go on top of my bathing suit, ya know...to conceal some of the cleavage. I HAD NONE OF THIS. Just me, my bathing suit and nature. DNL can tell I am a little nervous. She knows me and knows how low key I am. She kinda felt the same way I did. We looked at each other with raised eyebrows and the look of adventure in our eyes and said, "Lets do this". So we did. We walked about maybe 7 minutes to the bottom of the falls to get ready for the climb up(thank goodness we shaved all the nooks and crannies cuzz um...). We notice another American couple and you can tell she did not feel comfortable either, she wanted to keep on her leggings on and her husband was trying to convince her not to worry but she ended up wearing something to cover her up as well. Many of you know, that you hold hands and link up with your group and you all support each other while travelling up the falls making sure no one falls or gets hurt. Why was the man that had the wife who did not want to show her bathing suit, directly behind me the entire time! That means my AZZ was in his FACE the ENTIRE time. Everytime he looked up to see the beautiful view if the falls he had my S&%t all in his face! I mean we had to make some pretty big strides, and the angle the guy had, OMG! I could see the expression on his wifes face that said , " Ya better not look to hard or else...". He looked at his wife and communicated non-verbally "You are the only one I see baby, you think I care about them breast or that butt or them nice legs, no I don't, I dont see any of that ,all I see is you". ( Great, well at least she has a decent dude. )To say the least we survived that. I felt that we conqured a huge thing. We were relieved, and it was not as bad as we thought since everyone else was in bathing suits we just blended in. I did get a few looks of lust but no advances were actually made,YES!! We survived!...I thought....but that was only the beginning.
After the falls you pretty much follow the leader back to the exit, or so I thought. But actually people just spread out and purchase photos or video of them a the falls. So since everyone was just milling around,we wondered around and saw a little cemented trail that looked interesting so we went that way. As soon as we enter,we realize we are in a market. All kinds of vendors came out of their little "hut" like structures and we asking us to but their things. It all happened so fast we were pulled left and right "come see my stuff...no come over here...I got wht you need right here..." As we walked thru the dozens of huts we could feel all the men looking at us as we walked by. It was soooooooo embarassing! I mean how do you walk when you know the 12 men you just passed are looking at your rear...in a bathing suit...do you sway it side to side so it looks nice, do you walk like a man and pick your bathing suit out of your butt to make them not look, I mean what do you do? All we could do is walk, sticking out like a sore thumb. We heard some of the women mumbling. I could imagine they may have been saying things like, " Look at those women, who do they think they are prancing around like that". I wanted to crawl under a rock. If I could blush from embarassment, I would have. I was use to this on the beach, I'm always prepared and dressed, I usually have some money and in the right mood to shop or say no thanks and still have small talk with the vendors. In this case I was totally unprepared, no money on me(it was all in the shuttle), no clothes on I felt naked again. I was in a concentrated area of fully clothed men and women and no longer blended in. This one vendor asked us if we were married, we replied " Yes, we are". The vendor asked," What are your husbands names?" We told the names. As soon as the last syllable left our lips they were engraving the names of our husbands on a wooden box and trying to sell them to us. They were nice boxes and I would have purchased them but it was not the right time,plus I had no money on me. They were dissapointed they carved for nothing(at least that what their eyes said). I felt a little bad. This other vendor offered to sell us some fruit. It was a foreign fruit. It looked like they were mini limes hanging from a grapevine. I told him I don't know what it taste like, and told him "no thanks". He then cracked the foreign fruit open and gave me the inside if it. I tasted and and said " Mmmmm...ok.....thanks....but I can not but anything today" I said all this while keeping a straight face and smiling. On the inside I was saying " OMG this taste like a hairy grape!!" After walking thru what felt like a flea market damn near naked and no money, and still coming out of it without any incidents or distasteful comments made me feel irie. I love Jamaicans!! They made me feel comfortable even in my most uncomfortable time. Gotta love em'
Close the door!!
After the Jungle we wanted to go to the infamous Scrub-a-dub. We get there and it's closed. The driver(in his mind suggest another place he thought we would like...I guess) and as he was taking us back to where we were staying ,he stopped in front of this place. By this time, it's late or early depending on how you look at life.He quickly opened the sliding door to the shuttle that we had all to ourselves and BOOM, there you have it 2 sets of RACKS literally about 6 feet from our van! The women were standing outside of the strip establishment with their bikini tops untied and just hanging down! OMG! I have not seen a pair of racks that were not my own or a close family/friend(just while changing clothes or something) in real life ever! DNL (who corrected me and said it's suppose to be D&L) was in total shock. Mainly becasue she was the seat closest to where the door was opened and they were directly in her line of vision. I was in the front seat , I looked back at her and her face was full of suprise and nervousness, all she could say was CLOSE THE DOOR!!. I fell out laughing all the way back to the room. She laughed so hard she started to tear. D&L says, "OMG! I can't remember the last time I seen a real set boobs!" I reply, "Sooooo..... when will scrub-a- dub be open?" Now that I have been desensitized to the "racks" I think I may be ready for scrub-a dub!
You give your life for a DOG?!
Our driver was suppose to pick us up and take us to see the sunset and do to a little shopping. To our surprise he was not there. He ended up sending one of his roommates. I was a little taken back and surprised that he would not call and advise us we would be travelling with someone else. But our BFF driver was very nice this whole trip and I assumed he would not send a bad guy to pick us up. When we got to the front he was there and greeted us and advised that our driver had to make a long drive and could not make it so he sent him. We looked at him and his car and he had a women in the car in the front seat. Me and D&L look at each other and I suggest we have a quick huddle before we just hop in dudes car. D&L is reluctant, I am too, a little. I ended up saying "lets just go and enjoy the sunset and do a little shopping like we planned, the girl in the car looks pretty harmless, lets just go". So we went. The driver and his lady passenger looked like the oddest couple in the world but you never know ones insides, they could have been made for each other. We get in the car and the driver say's "This is my friend Jill." We respond together "Hi, Jill!" Jill was kind of stunned too, I guess the driver did not tell her what was on their agenda for the day. When Jill turned around to greet us and shake our hands her eyes lit up and said "Oh my goodness you gals are sooo purty, I wish my hair would stay put in this heat, it just goes flat so I just let it be, how does your hair stay the way you want it?" So this started the small talk with Jill who ended up being one of our besties that day. We drive to a little plaza and go into this womans shop to get some souvenirs. Jill and the driver stayed in the car. We shop...and shop...and shop. Not my fault, I hate shopping. But it's D&L's favorite thing to do. She bargains, negotiates, makes friends etc..I just like to get in and out. By this time the driver is laying on his horn. I ignore it because I KNOW he is not rushing us, I KNOW that has to be someone else hoinking their horn for some other unrelated reason. But the horn keeps honking. I tell D&L I am going to make sure that is not our driver. I go to the lot and he and JIll are in the car sweating like pigs looking like they are about to pass out, he just laid off the horn. I go to the car and with a 1/2 serious and 1/2 joking way say," I KNOW you are not rushing us!!" as I get in the car and close the door, I continue to say " You don't want me to show you how we get down in Cali now do ya!" The 2 of them looked a little stunned, then we all busted out in laughter. The driver said, " Come on mon, I have no AC in this car, we have no beer or water, me and Jill are dying here." I said. "OK OK, nuff whining I will go tell D&L to hurry up." D&L finally came with all her bags and happy as a free lark. By this time the driver had went and purchased some water & beer for he and Jill. He had to climb in the front window because the front drivers side door did not open. So we are off to see the sunset. We ended up at Blue Cave castle and it seemed like we had it all to ourselves. We all did a toast right at sunset and talked for a good while and really got to know each other. Jill shared that she was from the Mid-West, I forgot which state, her kids are now grown, she recently divorced, her father passed and left her a boat load of cash, so she quit her job and came to Negril, she met the driver on her first reach. She then came back and was staying with him for a few weeks at his home. She said he cooked great meals for her everyday and even helps her sunburns by giving her full aloe body massages on his balcony that goes around the entire house with a view of everything as it is in the mountains. She also said they had a huge garden the their backyard and they pick the food fresh and cook it for her. She was very happy, and it seemed that all the stress of her dad,divorce and empty nest syndrome melted away while she was here.
Nightfall came. We left Blue Cave and was riding along the road which was so dark. You could not see anything until the headlights hit it. Mostly all you saw where crabs crossing the street as if they owned them(maybe they own a few shares). I kept wondering to myself why don't people catch these crabs and sell them? If I could capture all these crabs and bring them back to the U.S do you know how much money I could make! But they are just getting ran over. Oh well I guess the island is just so plentyful they need not bother with the crabs, if they want one they will grab one. Theres plenty. So as we continue to drive along we see a dog, right in the middle of the street. We did not see it until our headlight were right on it. We all yelled at the top of our lungs. The driver slammed on his breaks as hard as he could. We burned rubber and did not see the dog. "Oh my GAAAAAWWWD, we hit the dog!!!!" Jill says. She instantly gets of of the car in the middle of the road and is looking under the car...no dog, she ran to the side of the road...no dog, she went to the other side of the road ...no dog. The driver yells, "Jill!!! Get back in ths car, you are going to get hit!! Get back in this car!!! She got back in the car very upset and started to almost cry. The driver said "What is wrong with you! It's a dog!" She says, "I know! I LOVE dogs, I have 3 of them at home!" He says, " You give your life for a DOG!?" she replied, "YES! YES! I would!I love dogs ok?!!!"
OMG I love the way you write. Your stories are all to familiar. I hope readers find the rports because I really enjoy reading them. Thank you
Rastalady, thanks for reading my post! Glad you can relate
Jet Ski Joy
As I have stated before I LOVE to jet ski. It's the first thing I do when I get to Negril. This particilar time it was my first time in Negril in 2010. We hit the jet ski, D&L and I shared one and the jetski owner jetted us around. Pretty full off rum & coke(cola) we get on the jet ski. Dude is a professional as he is smoking and jet skiing at the same time. I'm impressed. I bet I could do that. So I did. It was fun. I'm holding on with one hand, smoking with the other, enjoying the wind in my hair having a blast! We get to Booby Cay Island to have lobster(which I no longer eat shellfish) and the jet ski guy helps me off the jet ski. Why did my knees turn into jelly,they did not work and I slowly kind of fell onto the shore while at the waters edge. There were lots of rocks poking thru the sand and my knee started to bleed. The chef came and raised my leg to get a better look and he gently cupped some sea water with his hands and poured it on my wounded knee and said "The sea will heal your wounds". It just felt so special. I didn't feel any pain anyway, but if I would have I know it would have made me feel better. Just the fact that someone tended to me was nice. So we ate and left,and got back on the jet ski. We had such a good time there and we felt soooooo irie that on the ride back we were acting like little school children on the last day of school. I yelled at the top of my lungs "WOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!YEAH!!!!!!!!!" along with that I was making my Mexican Fiesta noises along with my African tribal celebration noises. Basically I felt that since I was on the open ocean and far far away from the beach that I can get it all out. I felt that I might as well, where else can I scream sounds like this and while speeding on a Jet ski full of Rum, lobster and everything else? I convinced D&L to make some noise with me and she was nervous to do so. She finally caught on and we had the driver laughing because of our silliness. After a few minutes of this we realize we are actually no longer that far from the beach becasue he was driving so fast. EVERYBODY and I mean EVERYBODY heard our squeals as we were coming in, everyone was looking at us as we pulled up. I felt so embarrassed. WHY!!!!! WHY!!!!
Great story.... the 'hairy grape' was a guinepp, I call them nature's fuzzy sweet tart.
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