You need to speak with a lawyer pronto. He uses money and isolation to control you, and it's never going to get any better. Why would it change? It's working out great for him. He won't see a counselor, guarentee it. While it takes two, the fact he is holding you hostage, won't let you see a doctor are clearly signs of emotional abuse. I agree you need to get a job, why not find one that is compatible with his schedule? You work nights? Even if it's at a grocery store or gas station. How about taking in kids for babysitting, usually you can be paid under the table and can start stashing it away.any high price items you can pawn? A wedding ring? Other jewelry? Just enough to get you in your own place? Sometimes you have to do scary things to enact the change you need. Since money seems to be the big issue with him, methinks if you talked to a lawyer, got a job or your own place he would change his tune. He is smart enough to know a divorce is going to cost him a lot more than being a decent husband to you. He might change for a little while but old habits die hard. If your truly as unhappy as you say you are it's time do some soul searching, picture your life in 5 years? 10 years? Sometimes the hardest things to do are the right ones. He has battered your self esteem so hard your ready to settle for a roof over your heads and food in your bellies... That's not life, that's existing. You and your boys deserve more than that.