Trip Report: ULTRA BUMP

[rizla]

HE DON’T

I’ve developed a fascination with Hedonism II (Hedo) after hearing the stories over the years. I can’t even say I’ve heard detailed stories in the sense of a beginning, middle, and end; but general suggestions, a lot of missing blanks, but all danced around the same theme of, in a word, sex. I wanted to see what it was about. I wanted to leave with a good story.

Randomly, throughout the days leading up to our small adventure, we’d ask people what they know about Hedo. It was the topic of many funny conversations with both tourists and locals. A taxi driver referred to it as “the zoo” and others gave it mixed reviews based on things they’ve heard, the boats they’ve seen go by, or the big Halloween party they host every year. Our all-time favorite quote of the trip came from a sage Riu worker who said quite simply and without contemplation, “Hedo is retarded.” We both burst into wild laughter at the same time. I don’t think I’ve ever heard the word “retarded” from a Jamaican and it struck us the funniest thing we’ve ever heard.

We toyed with the idea of going on a night pass, with the hope that it would be an interesting sociological study in human sexual behavior.. Ok, who am I kidding? I wanted to see people giving head in the hot tub. I thought that we would laugh about it for years to come. (Is it me or are my word choices been full of puns and Freudian slips?) I must admit that I pushed for the idea more than Lisa. She had never been, but had a better idea of what it was like. I didn’t seem to be letting it go though. Our last night was my last chance and I felt sure that our peaceful trip needed a little cheap thrill. I just needed to see for myself what was going on over there. Since Italian night at our buffet didn’t appeal to either one of us, I figured we would eat dinner there instead.

We arrived just before 8 PM, paid $50. at the front desk for a night pass, left our driver licenses with them, and added a second AI band to our left wrists. Someone told us that a night pass was $30. so it felt like a blow to the gut to know that we had to pay more, especially since we are paying a lot to stay at SATP. I was dressed up, standing in their lobby, and ready to party. I handed over my credit card, but had a hard time recovering from the setback.

A boardy friend has stayed at Hedo many times over the years and linked us up with a few of her friends to look after us and show us around. Upon arriving in the dining room, I was smacked with the stark contrast of where we just left. We left heaven and entered a bright, loud, hot, and crowded large dining room that was in full swing. (Sorry, the puns are finding their own way in this story all on their own.) My eyes were large and my heart was beating in double time, which was only exaserbated by the outfits. The outfits. I am not a prude, I just.. I..I... My head started to spin and a song played incessantly in my head:

“In another dimension
With voyeuristic intention.
Well secluded I see all...
With a bit of a mind flip...
You’re into a time slip…
And nothing can ever be the same.
You're spaced out on sensation.
Like you're under sedation.
Let's do the Time Warp again.
Let's do the Time Warp again.”

I kept thinking that I was going to get hit by rice and toast any moment.

Continued...