Guirigay and Sweetie Pie’s PaRedux It’s all true and it never really happened…

[Misti1]

This is all the way over on page 2 all neglected where is my favorite author????

[Guirigay]

I will try to be a little better, lot's of balls in the air right now... Just a little bit today...

Well, I have absolutely NO IDEA what I’m going to do. I had never thought of any other flop besides the flug-tag one. I really wasn’t sure I’d be able to do another flop and even if I could there wouldn’t be a lot of point in flopping in the same get up any way. But I CAN flop again. The kiddie float rings did what I feared they would do, twisting to the side and popping off with some scratching on my abdomen, but it’s not that bad. The kite didn’t poke or stab me so that’s OK. Maybe I can make that work again…

I’m sitting looking at my pile of flop toys when the second round commences with another Atomic Flop. MuzikDoc just does not play around, especially when it comes to goofing off. Perfect form, great height and the exact right angle of attack create a violent smack and a gargantuan splash. It is, for my money, the single best pure flop of the day. He is well rewarded. I need to figure something out with the shark kite…

Drummerboy steps to the edge again. Another athletic sky high approach again, he’s up and I think he pulls off a jack knife but this time he lays the belly out and splashes good. He gets good scores but the first round back flop is going to hamper him. If I can just land a decent flop it should be enough to best at least him. Maybe if I flopped a torpedo dive…

Gerry is up again and makes a serious effort to empty the pool. Gerry nails a solid belly flop, the geyser is big but not huge, the impact wave IS huge! It splashes up over the edge of the pool. Thank you, Gerry, for back flopping in the first round. Two of these bad boys and you’d have been moving on to the next round. At this point, though, all I know is Gerry has just thrown down an epic flop bomb. Better try to add a little twist to the plan if I can…

I’m looking through the pile’o’crap when I hear the splash of massive impact again. As I turn I hear the crowd going wild again! And there it is, a plume of water falling back to the pool from an impressive height. There are big whoops. I don’t know until later but Ninja has plopped a 360. What I know now is he’s scored REALLY good again. I need some mojo, something in the flash and sizzle department…

[Guirigay]

Booger steps to the edge and does a little fumbling around. Finally, he steps back and takes a quick run at the edge and just as he reaches the edge to launch himself he reaches back and tugs the back of his trunks down and flies out to a nice swan flop. The Moon Flop! The place goes crazy! Chris, who’s been watching the whole proceeding, declares, “That’s it! It’s going to take skin to win!” This concerns me, as the crowd contains exactly one person interested in seeing me any more disrobed than I already am. On top off that, Booger is playing my showman’s card to extraordinary effect. Damn CaliCoolCat! Maybe if I sing…

I believe I can flop,
I Believe I can really drop,
Judges look in my eyes,
And your scores I will hypnotize,
Yes you know I’m the one,
One-oh, one-oh that equals ten…

Yes! I get to throw in a little poetry (okay lyrics, but still...) at a Booger moment!! I’m frantically trying to work something out as Sandie steps to the edge. I have to be honest, I don’t remember what Sandie did for her second flop, I was in serious competitive focus mode. I gotta do something besides just flop. I’m looking around and I notice the shark kite has some streamer tails on it that had been rubber-banded up on the first flop. They came loose and are trailing me as I walk around with the kite strapped to my back. I gather them up in my hand. I think I’ve got it. As Sandie receives her score I walk to the corner of the pool by the Zoom Room…

I walk up to the judges table as I’m announced, crouch down and look behind with a concerned glance. “Duh-da… Duh-da… Duh-da,duh-da… Duh-de-da!!” As I move steadily but urgently around the pool. I stop at the edge and repeat, “Duh-da… Duh-da…Duh-da-duh-da,” and at this point I throw the streamers out behind me and am quite happy and surprised that they actually end up 6-8 feet behind me, “Duh-de-da!!” and I launch myself out in a nice torpedo dive, only I keep my head up, mostly. I still impact head first, well actually face first. Pretty much all day I led with my face. When I come up there are good cheers again and before I know it a special belly flop duck rescue team has been dispatched to aid me out of the pool.

As I’m sitting on the edge of the pool we watch Gonjon throw a jackknife for his second flop! Boy pulled it all together at the end. What small victory would this have been had it knicked our hero’s sword? What cunning and foresight to realize that by losing this brief battle he was better positioned for the long slog of close quarters combat the week had laid out for him…

There is a pause in the proceedings as the judges tally their scores. All contestants were worthy competitors, but only four will move on. Who will they be?

[Guirigay]

During the intermission Daisy and Markus return from Mandeville. It’s too late for Markus to join the competitors but not for Daisy to join the judging panel. She takes her place for the Semi’s and the Finals. As many of the contestants engage in a health and safety inspection in the Cuckoo Cabana the Semi-Finalists are announced – MuzikDoc, Ninja, Booger and Guirigay! That’s quite a gauntlet of girth for me to overtake. Well, Booger ain’t huge but he’s already moon dived and gone on endlessly about hanging brain so I’m figuring he’s going to pull a card I haven’t put in my deck…

So I need to figure something out. How can I increase my impact? I’m staring at my flop pile when it comes to me. I can DEFINITELY increase my impact. I ask the judges how many more flops would be necessary to win and they say two. Can I come up with another one? This is a finals worthy flop plan but it’s worthless if I don’t make it to the finals…

MuzikDoc goes first and sticks to the plan. Old school, no effing around master belly flopping. Not quite as good as the second flop, though, and that may cost him. If you’re going to straight flop, I think they need to get bigger and better each time. No disrespect, Masta Slamma, you know this is true That opinion is entirely in retrospect, though, ‘cause at the time all any of us are thinking is, “Damn! There he goes AGAIN!” I can’t come up with a second flop… As I stare at the mish mash of special ed accessories I hear Ninja announced and turn to…

Yes, catch the moment of impact and watch another eruption of pool water! And the damn crowd is whooping again! This is getting a little annoying! On video later I will see that he has done sort of a stalefish ankle grab, A nice choice for the event even if he didn’t know it… And the dude just keeps popping up from each flop with the biggest smile on his face… I gotta bring it, see if I can make the finals and pull something out of the backside for it…

Booger steps to the edge again and shuffles a little, sort of like I imagine myself if I’m standing there thinking “What the HELL am I going to do?” And then he launches into a Burt Reynolds Centerfold Flop and he nails it! A very athletic move. And stylish. And he lands a solid impact. Dang, these cats just keep bringing it… So let’s see…

I grab the flippers and slide my hands into the footholds, wrapping my fingers back through the toe holes. As I step to the edge I see a noodle floating in my landing zone and try to push it away. It only takes a couple of seconds for it to float out of the way but it feels like forever. I step to the left a little and launch, pulling my arms as far behind me as I can and as I approach the water I try to time the downward slap of my arms and the flippers to meet the water at the same time as my body. Just about everything hits at the same time. Face, upper chest, arms at high speed and the flippers at even higher speed as I snap my wrists. It is LOUD and I know it even as I quickly submerge. I come up in a lot of pain, I’m staggered a little. The crowd is definitely whooping, I think I’ve given myself a chance. I take a look and I’m RED, REALLY RED! The scores come in and there is some booing from the crowd. I’m still a little disoriented but Sweetie Pie says, “They didn’t give you enough points, the crowd says more!” So I stumble my way over to the judges table. I display my arms which are deep red and offer a few commentaries on my competitive abandon. I am awarded extra points. Another angle played successfully, will it be enough to get me a shot in the finals? If it does, what the hell am I going to do?

[Seveen]

i'm surprised y'all didn't drain the pool - lol

[marley9808]

So were we, Seveen!

[Guirigay]

There is a lot of propaganda being passed around in the Communist Community Center as we await the judges decision. As red as I am, I fit right in. I feel like any decision is acceptable, everyone really threw down. There is a lot of camaraderie between the floppers and I’m just enjoying it, not thinking much about what I’ll do if I’m in the final. I’m not sure I’ve got any tricks left to pull if I am. And then they announce it – Ninja vs Guirigay in the finals! Oh Crap!!

What can I do? How can I win? My hyper-competitiveness kicks back in immediately. Who’s going to pick the winner? The judges (at the moment I don’t realize this is the fatal misconception…). What angle can I play to advantage with the judges? What do they love? Hmmm….. Maybe I can get them to vote with their hearts instead of their eyes and their minds… Oh yeah, that’s it! I got it! Where is she? The judges ADORE Sweetie Pie. And the love how I love her, this just might work. I call Sweetie Pie over and ask her the question every woman dreams of one day being asked, “Sweetie Pie, will you flop with me?”

She is receptive but uncertain. I sell her, “Sweetie Pie, with the history we have with this panel of judges if you and I flop side by side, hand in hand, I think we walk away the winners.” MuzikDoc has been sitting next to us watching this whole development with amusement. I don’t remember exactly what he said but he gave Sweetie Pie reassurance that it was a solid gameplan. That sold her, thanks MuzikDoc! So Sweetie Pie goes off to ensure that the video taping of the finals occurs without her and I’m called up for the coin toss to pick order. Only problem is there is no coin so we switch to Rock, Paper, Scissors which makes me laugh. “Easiest game in the world to defeat me at, if you know me!” I declare to Ninja and the crowd as we prepare to knock 1,2,3. At the drop Ninja throws scissors and I have won as I crouch a little and bellow out my best WWE Smackdown “I Always Rock!!” I decide to go last and Ninja immediately exclaims, “I knew it! I’d have done the same thing!” Paper, baby, next time, paper…

I’m back at the Loco Lounge with Sweetie Pie to make sure we’re all good when I again hear the call of “Ninja!” and turn around to once again catch a giant splash, only this one is MUCH further out in the pool than ANY other flops have been today. And the crowd REALLY whoops it up. But I try to put that out of my mind. Focus, make sure Sweetie Pie is OK. She is nervous, I can see. “It’s going to hurt, isn’t it?” “Yes, Sweetie, it’s going to hurt.” “OK…” She’s such a trooper, what a spirit of adventure. I am so lucky to be standing here right now, ready to be 20 kinds of stupid with her in my hand. I step to the edge like I’m just going to flop but then call Sweetie Pie over. “What’s going on?” I can hear. “Is she going to flop?” “Oh My God!” Everything I’m hoping to hear from the judges. Sweetie Pie takes her necklace off and we kiss and I can tell I’m pegging out the mushy meter with the judges. “One, two, three!” I count and just after the 3 there is a loud “EEK!” from Sweetie Pie as we launch out over the water, landing simultaneously. There is a warm reception when we surface and we kiss and play in the water a little bit.

[Guirigay]

As we’re sitting at the edge of the pool there are applause for me and then applause for Ninja and then Patty is there draping me with a sash and then we’re all pulled together for a set of photos. Then the socializing begins in earnest.

So I’m going to tell on myself a little bit here because I think it’s actually pretty hilarious. I can pretty much guarantee that I would have been my animated gregarious self regardless after the flop but I’m sure I was a little extra extra ‘cause here’s the thing… I thought I’d won! You see I thought the applause were just the audiences response to the announcement of the winner and not the judges abdicating their RESPONSIBILITY to choose a winner to the lunatic mob! And since I was announced first I MUST have been the winner… Alas, this was not the case, as I learned a little later at the decompression session. I’m talking with Brasi about the event and mention something about having $100 at Seastar to use this week, “No, dude, Ninja won the certificate.” Says Brasi. C’est la vie… I had to laugh at myself… Sweetie Pie says something a little later, thinking I’d won also, and Brasi says, “No, Ninja won but he did want you to get the $2000j tab.” Now that was unexpected and VERY nice, thanks Ninja. It took a little of my self inflicted pain away.

There is quite a gathering at the Shifty Shade Shack. It turns out that Sweetie Pies little Kodak HD video camera is left turned on on the table pointing at the roof. The audio from this section of tape is downright hilarious and nearly entirely unrepeatable. One of the most fun and unexpected finds of the post trip rummaging.

Sweetie Pie and Patty are the perfect bookends to a black and white party, both rocking the same Victoria Secret coverup in black on a black suit and white on a white suit. Pefection. I tell Patty that watching Kopper pin her sash on before the contest was a little window onto their relationship. Kopper had the look of complete satisfaction and happiness on his face as he carefully pinned that sash on her right hip. Don’t think it was possible for him to be any more content. Kopper is a FOOL for her stockings, I believe…

Brasi receives a lot of well deserved compliments. Everyone has had a blast and we raised a decent chunk of cash for the Buy a Brick program. He deflects the praise with alacrity, giving credit to everyone else. I think the pool cleaning guy and the security guard were more deserving of recognition in Brasi’s mind. What a great guy.

Plans are made to go to Travellers to buy the bricks but Sweetie Pie and I have managed to link up with our acquaintance who hooked us up with our lodging and we want to spend a little time with her. We jump in a bus with a bunch of folks heading to the beach and get out at our lane. We have a nice talk with our acquaintance and invite her to dinner but she is tired from travel so we head to Canoe by ourselves.

We do happy hour at Canoe. Woo Hoo! Dirty Bananas followed by Dirty Bananas followed by Blue Canoes! Holy Smokes, Blue Canoes! A drunkards best friend and a great way to finish off a binge, cause you’ll be finished. Some dinner at Canoe and we walk back up the lane. A chat with the landlord makes us feel really good about where we’re at. We could come back here. Clean, comfortable, great location, good price. What a great day. We spend a low key night on the porch, chillin’ in a Jamaican yard. We decide to turn in early. We’re going to get up before dawn and go looking for street dogs, Sweetie Pie has her camera. We’re hoping we’ll find Scar before we jump on the Magic Bus. Ooh Yeah, The Magic Bus…

[gerryg123]

Great stuff .... I foresee a turning point coming up tho!

[justchuck]

Lovin' your report. Keep it comin!