There is a lot of propaganda being passed around in the Communist Community Center as we await the judges decision. As red as I am, I fit right in. I feel like any decision is acceptable, everyone really threw down. There is a lot of camaraderie between the floppers and I’m just enjoying it, not thinking much about what I’ll do if I’m in the final. I’m not sure I’ve got any tricks left to pull if I am. And then they announce it – Ninja vs Guirigay in the finals! Oh Crap!!
What can I do? How can I win? My hyper-competitiveness kicks back in immediately. Who’s going to pick the winner? The judges (at the moment I don’t realize this is the fatal misconception…). What angle can I play to advantage with the judges? What do they love? Hmmm….. Maybe I can get them to vote with their hearts instead of their eyes and their minds… Oh yeah, that’s it! I got it! Where is she? The judges ADORE Sweetie Pie. And the love how I love her, this just might work. I call Sweetie Pie over and ask her the question every woman dreams of one day being asked, “Sweetie Pie, will you flop with me?”
She is receptive but uncertain. I sell her, “Sweetie Pie, with the history we have with this panel of judges if you and I flop side by side, hand in hand, I think we walk away the winners.” MuzikDoc has been sitting next to us watching this whole development with amusement. I don’t remember exactly what he said but he gave Sweetie Pie reassurance that it was a solid gameplan. That sold her, thanks MuzikDoc! So Sweetie Pie goes off to ensure that the video taping of the finals occurs without her and I’m called up for the coin toss to pick order. Only problem is there is no coin so we switch to Rock, Paper, Scissors which makes me laugh. “Easiest game in the world to defeat me at, if you know me!” I declare to Ninja and the crowd as we prepare to knock 1,2,3. At the drop Ninja throws scissors and I have won as I crouch a little and bellow out my best WWE Smackdown “I Always Rock!!” I decide to go last and Ninja immediately exclaims, “I knew it! I’d have done the same thing!” Paper, baby, next time, paper…
I’m back at the Loco Lounge with Sweetie Pie to make sure we’re all good when I again hear the call of “Ninja!” and turn around to once again catch a giant splash, only this one is MUCH further out in the pool than ANY other flops have been today. And the crowd REALLY whoops it up. But I try to put that out of my mind. Focus, make sure Sweetie Pie is OK. She is nervous, I can see. “It’s going to hurt, isn’t it?” “Yes, Sweetie, it’s going to hurt.” “OK…” She’s such a trooper, what a spirit of adventure. I am so lucky to be standing here right now, ready to be 20 kinds of stupid with her in my hand. I step to the edge like I’m just going to flop but then call Sweetie Pie over. “What’s going on?” I can hear. “Is she going to flop?” “Oh My God!” Everything I’m hoping to hear from the judges. Sweetie Pie takes her necklace off and we kiss and I can tell I’m pegging out the mushy meter with the judges. “One, two, three!” I count and just after the 3 there is a loud “EEK!” from Sweetie Pie as we launch out over the water, landing simultaneously. There is a warm reception when we surface and we kiss and play in the water a little bit.
