Mr. X does Negril (2010) with No Reservations

[Mr. X]

Mr. X Does Negril (2010) with No Reservations



Chapter 1 - Big Movie Star
Spring 2011 (flash forward)

I am ticked off. Don’t want to take things out of context (or order) but …

It’s early April of 2011. Not April 1st but I am not really sure exact date. Wife is running late as usual and I get stuck taking her to work. Promising she will get ride home. I am busy. Lunch time comes and she cannot get ride so I got to go thru traffic and get her. Damn. I am in bad mood and don’t need to be wasting another hour minimum. Soon as I pick her up she is in bad mood and says we have to stop at the PetSmart. She promised me before I came to get her specifically no stops. I asked specifically. No stops. Every stop with her takes forever. Of course we have to stop at PetSmart we got 5 pets we have to stop at the PetSmart every freaking day. I am ticked off and whip her car into PetSmart parking lot.

As I am pulling in a woman/girl in casual clothes is walking across in front of the car so I got to stop not quite to front entrance. She is followed by 2 young kids and then a guy in a warm up suit. I saw him from the side only as he approached and he did not turn his head but slightly towards me. I am 100% sure it is him. Wifey climbs out of car pointing out more of my shortcomings. She usually makes me pull her up another 20 feet so she can be exactly in front of the main entry doors. This time she decides not to wait and jumps out. I am more ticked off. Whatever. Hop out here and as a parting gesture I said “Hurry up and don’t hit on that guy.” She ignored (later claimed did not hear me) per usual.

Now I got dilemma. I could park and go in and see the Big Movie Star. Frankly I am still too mad at my wife and besides it’s not like his wife the other Big Movie Star was with him. That obviously is the nanny or somebody else. Maybe if his wife and DEFINITELY if his old girlfriend (J Lo) was with him, I am parking the car and coming in the PetSmart. Just to see if my wife or ANYBODY else needs help or ANYTHING. I like the guy fine. Just don’t care about him. Got my own problems today that running into a Big Movie Star not going make no differences for me. Besides I am ticked off.


So I shoot thru parking lot drive a couple blocks and pop in Trader Joes to get a few food items knowing she always takes forever to go in a store and come out. Throw in a Big Movie Star and his 2 kids and puppies and kittens. I got plenty of time. I get to cashier at Trader Joes with my 4 items and then realize my wallet is in my car and I drove her car. Don’t even have cash. Damn. That kind of day. Never mind I say and leave everything. Go out to car. She is blowing up my phone. Where are you? Where are you!! I answer be right there. She is still yelling at me on the phone when I pull up in the car. She jumps in.

I am just a little curious how she is going to play this.
(Her) Where was I?
(Me) Told you on the phone I went to Traders Joes!
(Her) You didn’t go to Trader Joes.
(Me) Yes I did go to Trader Joes.
(Her) How come you got no bags in the car from Trader Joes?
(Me) BECAUSE MY FREAKING WALLET IS IN MY CAR!
(Her) What did you do?
(Me) What do you mean I was in line I just put the stuff down and walked out like a moron.
(Her) Kinda dumb to not have ur wallet.
(Me) Kinda dumber to not be able to get up slightly earlier say 5 minutes so you can put gas in ur car and not cause me to waste 2 hours or more of my day and all this aggravation!
(Her) Whatever.
(Me) Whatever urself.

(Her) Guess who was in the line in front of me at PetSmart?
(Me) Hmm I don’t know let me guess “Ben *****ing Affleck”.
(Her) HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLE KNOW THAT!!
(Me) If I had not stopped ur car I would have run over his kids when we pulled in the PetSmart parking lot.
(Her) HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS HIM?
(Me) Well I know his wife has been here filming a movie and he has been around. He did not turn much but I knew it was him. He is a handsome man.
(Her) WHAT ARE YOU GAY?
(Me) Because I can notice Ben Affleck is a handsome man that makes me gay? Don’t seem like a very high hurdle to be gay. Anyhow I could tell he was no regular guy. He was wearing a warm up suit or whatever he looked tall and built. Unshaven but like groomed unshaven. Acting like he is not paying attention trust me he was aware of his surroundings. By the way that does not make me gay (not that there is anything wrong with being gay) just observant.

(Her) WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SOMETHING?
(Me) Um I DID remember when you got out of the car all mad I said “hurry up and don’t hit on that guy”. What did you want me to do? Shout “Look honey its Ben Affleck right in front of you”. You know I am not like that. Would not have said anything except I was really ticked off at you. Anyhow what happened in PetSmart?

(Her) I don’t notice anything. I just got the stuff I needed fast because you said you were waiting on me and went to the counter to check out and there was Ben Affleck and his 2 kids (she knew their names) and the nanny.
(Me) How did YOU know it was him?
(Her) Whole family is on Entertainment Tonight or in People Magazine every week. His picture was probably looking back at him from the magizine rack. Anyway the girl cashier is ringing him up and then all of a sudden she starts acting all goofy and smiling. “I know you” “I know you” Big smile. “Where do I know you from?” Bigger smile.
(Me) What did he say?
(Her) Nothing really. Then she asked him what his name was?
(Me) What did he say?
(Her) He said “Ben” real slow. Just “Ben”. But he like stretched out his name “Been”.
(Can’t help it that made me bust out laughing. Mr. Big Movie Star. How many times he has to do that in his day or in his life? Hey I know you quickly followed by what’s ur name? No Ben Affleck or BEN AFFLECK or BEN AFFLECK YOU IDIOT or anything just real slow and slightly Southern despite him being from up North. He just says “B e e n”. Too funny. Like Jethro on Beverly Hillbillies just saying “Beeen.” Still makes me laugh.)

(Me) So what happened after that?
(Her) Nothing really. They left, girl rings me up. All the other employees are gathering around talking. She is in mild shock acting like she saw a UFO in the PetSmart. I walk out and YOU are not here waiting on me.
(Me) So you had to stand in front of PetSmart waiting 2 minutes for me?
(Her) YOU SAID YOU WOULD BE WAITING ON ME!
(Me) Did you try to hitch a ride with “Beeen”?
(Her) They were gone I think.
(Me) What do big Movie Stars drive?
(Her) Don’t know maybe saw a Range Rover or something.

(Me) Did he hit on you or try to get ur number?

(Her) What’s wrong with you he is married to a Movie Star and has 2 beautiful children!

(Me) So he did not even notice you?

(Her) O HE DEFINITELY CHECKED ME OUT!
(Me laughing now)

(Me) Don’t sound like it to me.
(Me laughing harder)

(Her) WHATS HE SUPPOSE TO DO ASK ME FOR MY PHONE NUMBER IN LINE AT PETSMART WITH HIS KIDS AND HIS NANNY AND THE NATIONAL ENQUIER MAGIZINE STAREING UP AT HIM?

(Me) Bet you would have given it to him if he asked!
(Her) Damn right I would have given Ben Affleck my phone number then invite him and Jennifer to go to … blah blah blah … whole way home I got to hear about tour of Atlanta we are going to take the Affleck/Gardner family ...blah blah blah … and then maybe they would want to go to Negril with us this year... blah blah blah




Delusional is the only word that pops into my mind.


Welcome to my world.



Maybe I am sometimes a bit of a pessimist but I would not put the chances of us showing up with 2 Movie Stars in Negril, Jamaica in 2011 very high. In fact we will be lucky for US to get to Negril in 2011. Yet after our 2010 Trip to Jamaica all I can say is I guess ANYTHING is possible …

So if you see Mr. and Mrs. X with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Gardner in Negril this year (2011) please try to act cool knowing I probably got my hands full.

Ok so what has this 2011 Ben Affleck sighting got to do really with Jamaica or Negril?
Valid question. I guess you are assuming we as a group don’t make it to the rock together? Well yes we are assuming you will not be bringing 2 Movie Stars to Negril this year.

First off you are only at Chapter 1.
Maybe wait to see what happens in the next 60 or so Chapters?

Maybe just celebrity name dropping to suck in readers?
Appeal to the masses?
Of course but writing a “book” for a few people who travel to a small specific vacation destination does not really seem for the masses or frankly smart. Touché. I guess par for my course. Some days I guess I have to remind myself I am (or was) alive.

Maybe give you more insight into what we are really like. No sugarcoating lets even call it say unvarnished truth. We are definitely more Lucy/Ricky Ricardo than June/Ward Cleaver. Too young to get that? Crazy sh*t is going to happen and we are going to yell at each other a lot. Try not to let it freak you out.

Final stab at 2011 Ben Affleck Seagueway to my 2010 Trip Report.
Like Pearl Harbor (the movie starring Ben Affleck not the real event) this 2010 Trip Report is going to have a long build up before we get to the actual “action”. Frankly I thought the sappy melodramatic love triangle in the first half of the movie Pearl Harbor was so bad that I as a lifelong Patriotic American begged the Japanese to bomb them. PLEASE LET THE ATTACK START I CAN NOT TAKE IT!!! Once the action started it was a pretty good movie. So here is to hoping the start of this long 2010 Trip Report does not suck like the start of Pearl Harbor (the Movie) because I promise when the action starts (landing) it is going to be “lively”.