Wow, I guess we must always remember that while in "JA", you operate on "Jamaica Time"... So cool that the mans machete was still there! Awesome adventure! Keep it coming!
Wow, I guess we must always remember that while in "JA", you operate on "Jamaica Time"... So cool that the mans machete was still there! Awesome adventure! Keep it coming!
Great report, lots of fun. Loved the set up for the machete encore une fois and respect mon fer ta tink of hidy way fer later.
So glad that you admit to your passin' out after 100 candles or was it 100 drinks, hah!
Cool, as well, running into friends you weren't expecting a the resort.
Loved the "Jump Shot" also.
OMG...I love this report so much already. You have me cracking up over here!
And yes you are so right....I remember telling you before that you were one smart man with the night at Catcha plan....glad you enjoyed my room! Hahahaha Just kidding
Sagi is the best right? And Catcha!
And you are so right, Mauvette, Ty...the staff there are amazing!
I can't wait to read more!
Seveen I'm so glad I saved the machete as well, I would have hated to disappoint the guy by not living up to my end of the bargin!
Wpyogi my wife was more worried about popping one, and I don't mean falling out of suit.
Tizzy I might be 51 in years but as my wife says I'm only 18 mentally!
Kevan I was hoping deep down inside for Jamaica time, or was that not losing a limb, or the police thinking they is a gray haired fat guy on the loose on the WestEnd on a killing spree.
Bjritz I thought it was a drinking game, one drink for each candle, at least that's what I was told.
Marley you are the bomb, between you and booger (more about booger coming up, I met the man, the myth and the legend on another bender at Ivans the next week) I couldn't ask for better advise. Now don't bring it up again, my wife might read this and all her thoughts of me planning the special night will be shot to hell!!!!
Night two was uneventful, a little more rain but hell we're from AZ so we don't see much of it so it's a novelty, Drinks in the Matini Bar for an hour, dinner on the other side of the resort at Feathers was really good, off to meet our friends on the other side of the resort, see a man about a sub, 3 or 15 more drinks, sing along with Ultimate Chocolate and by this time I was ready to head back to the room. I promised my wife I wouldn't pass out, that I was a man ready for the task. Her response, "oh great, I should have kept my mouth shut about last night. I swear in the morning if I walk like I was riding a horse I will cut you off the rest of vacation!" Again, I puff out my chest and now I'm thinking I have bragging rights for a long time, I started to say something and realized I better shut up or I might meet up with Lorena Bobbit.
Day three brought the sun up in a beautiful blue sky, a fast trip over to the CSA gym for a 45 minute cardio workout, I lost 3 pounds of rum & scotch thru my pores (daytime drink is rum since I mixed it with fresh fruit juice for health reasons, scotch is my drink of choice after 5:00 p.m. because there is no need to be healthy in the evenings) and off for a quick shower then breakfast. We get a spot on the beach as we walk to breakfast (yes we are chair savers, but only for less than 30 minutes) close to the beach bar. We select this area on the beach every day we were at CSA, I tend to get nervous if we stray too far from our Beach Server (Demar), I begin to sweat and every once in a while I break out into a Tourette’s type rant if my glass is empty for more than 4 minutes, and to be honest this was a great spot as well. breakfast was ok, get back to the beach later up and sit down to look at the greatest beach i have ever seen. I start to doze off with a hat over my face (don't want to get sun damage, after all my career as a male model is going to happen really soon, I just know it) when the beach vendors start to linger for unusually long periods of time in front of us. I'm starting to get annoyed so I reach down to get my "green flag" (damn I wish I still had the machete!) for drink service, I figure this will ease my mind. I ask our friends if they want a drink as well and when i sit up i see my wife has let the twins (delightful & delicious) out of their suit for sun & air. Needless to say my friend is out of his chair while his wife is in shock. They had only seen my wife when they were just "B"abies. Being the proud father of the twins I ask my wife to go for a swim so we can get the Vendors to move on. (This same theme happens for the next 11 days but I was to weak to fight it anymore, but more on that later). Demar is the best, he was so attentive to us all week, I'm just not sure why he was always in close by!
Fun was had all day long on the beach, lots of swimming, sun, beach vendors asking if we need some of the local crop (since I had been doubled up on the vegetation and had enough to last the next 18 months I felt like I should try to seel it myself. Only problem was I didn't have a machete to leave as collateral and I would have been scared to hide in my shorts. All I could think about was a briss occurring when pulling the machete out and that already happened as a child. I definitely don't need the name of Stubby to stick with me at this age in my life!). It was on this day we met an amazing musician with the name of IceBlock, he is a great spiritual man, he has a great message and he possesses a great voice. We got to know him a lot over the next 11 days and hope to communicate with him for a long time.
Boss just popped in, more later!
Age just a #
I shared your wifes concerns about diving off the cliffs....Negril might be the last place I would want a flat tire LMFAO. I just crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. Bombs away hahahaha
you're so funny! I bet you and 'ol booger had a fun time, hes a good dude
Stir IT UP
Day 4 brings saw our friends from the SE leave and the other 2 couples we were vacationing with show up. Now these two couples are crazy and all I think of is how much trouble we will get into and pray we don't get thrown out. This day also was the 14 year Anniversary of CSA so the entire group from Couples Corp were at the resort as well. Some of these folks were great, friendly/outgoing and a few were not even making an attempt to talk with others. Hey thats fine we were in our own little world so no loss. The "Chief Romance Officer" was very nice and he made a point of talking with us a few times, a real nice guy that showed up for our friends Vow Renewal a few days later (more on this later). This day also brought out that "Freshman" day of drinking/binging with the team of 6 now intact. It was a hard charging day that we kept our man Demar so busy that i felt bad for any other guests and it saw the beach bar run out of 3 types of vodka and two large bottle of Appleton by 3:30. The girls started to hit hit hard after lunch and my two guy friends started to keep up (I should say catch up) with me right away. One of the guys (the young bull at 46) who is a diet & workout fanatic decided to skip lunch and go for the death spiral of a liquid lunch was heading down hill fast, as was his wife. Now as an old bull I thought should I say something to them? And the voice on one shoulder said yes, but my best friend (with the horns) on the other shoulder said HELL NO, let them suffer, besides this could be fun. Well it was fun to watch for a few hours, the wife was getting crazy and the young bull was becoming good looking and bullet proof fast as well. By 5:45 we ended up putting both of them in bed after a slight drunkument (drunk argument over who was drunker) with all sharp instruments (again thank God I gave the machete away) removed from the room. A few dralls (drunk calls) later my and I, the other Couple got cleaned up and ready for the HUGE anniversary party.
The party was great, the entire resort was packed to capcity, hadn't seen this many people at CSA since we had been there but the food was great, the drinks flowed and the wives looked HOT. We laughed all through dinner about each one of us spilling something. I was the last to spill and I gave so much sh*t to the other three that when I dropped a tomato on my white Tommy Bahama shirt that left a stain the size of a silver $ right in the middle of it was game on. I did everything I could remove the spot but hell no it stuck out like Shaq in a Jockey's locker room at the Kentucky Derby. All I could do was embrace it and own it. The rest of the night was spent checking on our two drunk naked friends who by the looks had made up "twice" and hitting the sing along/karaoke event in the Piano bar. Turns out that it was guys against ladies. The teams had names made up, very original (Penis's against the Breasts) and the group was very vocal. I was keeping it low key (because my shirt was dirty) and watching the guests trying to figure out their stories. We had one lady who was a judge that ruled every time against the guys and a older short guy that ruled for the women as well. This guy was very interesting, he looked like he was about 55, he was about 5'7" and he was with a young lady who appeared to be maybe 30 and was about 5'10". My first thought was he was either loaded or had a great personality but after 30 minutes of the game I realized he was neither but he had to be hung like a mule. Sorry if this offends but it was a strange pairing.
Now as I mentioned i was pretty quiet during the game, I knew many of the answers but I was trying to get my groove on with my wife, all my effort was going toward her, I think I was thinking that the brownie points i scored early in the week were running out so it was time for new game! My wife was after me to get involved in the game and our friends were giving me hell because there was an open mike and I wasn't getting involved. I know most of you are thinking that I'm shy but I wasn't feeling it. As the game was coming down to the end and we were leaving the topic for the notes that Ultimate Chocolate was going to play was "Who made this song famous", he was going to play one note on the piano for 500 points, he hit the note and I don't know what came over me but in a voice that I have never heard I sreamed so loud "Happy Birthday from Marilyn Monroe". Well I think that the 3 people that were sitting at the piano in front of me as we left all dropped thier drinks and about 10 other people Sh*t their pants in fear. My wife and the other couple with us literally started laughing their asses off and the entire room went silent. What do I do? I yell 500 points for the Penis's and walk out of the room as fast as I can. I'm outside for a few minutes waiting on my wife and friends when people come out to get me back in the room, everybody is laughing and my wife has had to run to the bathroom to prevent from peeing her pants. The guys won the game and i got a bottle of rum as being a "major" contributor.
The next day our group, yes the two we left behind the night before (sorry none of us were in the Marines!) were alive and ready for round two. Saturday and Sunday both went as usual lots of drink, the young bulls in moderation and the two old bull couples doing it as we always do. Beach venders gawking at the women, Demar hooking us up with the BEST fresh drinks every 20 to 30 minutes and our favorite beach performer IceBlock stopping by to sing to us each day for 20 minutes. Booze ran out out at the beach bar really early one day and we made a run for them to a store and bought our own for them to keep hidden in a cabinet. Sunday we had to behave (limited ourselves to 20 drinks that day instead of the normal 21) Monday morning was the big Vow Renewal service. One thing I forgot to mention is that our friends asked me to perform the Vow Renewal. I did take this job serious (once in my life!) and became a licensed minister, granted it was online and I had to pay $13.95 plus shipping & handling charges, but I was now a licensed Minister and able to perform the ceremony. I had spent about 3-4 weeks preparing for the service, spent time with the bride and groom as well as their 2 beautiful daughters to put together a personal intimate service. Late Sunday night they dropped on me that the minister for CSA informed them that I needed to do a "blessing of the rings" ritual in my service. I being a professional minister took in stride and began sweating it out. i figured there are many people who are smarter than I so i went to goole and searched it out. low and behold there are close to 20 sample "blessing" right there in front of me. I copy and paste from 3 or 4 different ones and now I'm ready with a beautiful service and a little bit of humor blended in with it.
Next the Vow Renewal - back to work
Awesome visual!I did everything I could remove the spot but hell no it stuck out like Shaq in a Jockey's locker room at the Kentucky Derby. All I could do was embrace it and own it.
Wow! Your report is balls to the walls for sure... I am 20 minutes from leaving for work and definitely in a great mood after reading! Your wordship and insight into life "slight drunkument (drunk argument over who was drunker)" truly set this report apart from the good ones here! Have a stress free day!
Happy Travels...
SKB
50 is the new 30!! LMAO
Keep it coming (I mean the trip reports)!! LOL
VVHT
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