Getting better all the time!
Getting better all the time!
Feb.1 - 16 Xtabi
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That machete story has got to be the funniest tale I've heard in any trip report thus far. I was cracking up! "He pulls out a rusted machete and we think we are now dead." "fell off the turnip truck" lol!
"stick a fork in me, I was done" hahaha!
I'm loving this trip report so far! Please keep it coming! It's really great!
P.S. Totally agree with you about Ty. Definitely one of the best bartenders of all time!
Carpe Diem
Thanks everyone for the nice comments, I so wish that could go into some really funny details but I know I might get censored about a few of the stories that happen later in the trip. To this day we laugh about the rusted machete with the broken wooden handle and me standing on the street holding it! I so wish I had a picture of that one thing!
Hysterical! Lovin' it & can't wait to hear the rest. I think you might have a standup comedy routine with this!
Heavenly Negril Trips:
Feb '11, May '11, Sept '11, Dec '11, Jan '12, Feb '12, Oct '12, Feb '13
The next morning I wake up fully rested, a few cobwebs in the head, i see the sexy lingerie on the floor and think "dude you got it good lasr night, i must have been a rockstar. i hit the bathroom and pee straight rum for 7 minutes, brush my teeth , crawl back into bed and give my wife a kiss and ask how good it was last night. She begins to laugh and the first thing out of my wife's mouth is "in 32 years of dating and marriage this was the first time I have come back to a room on vacation, been ready to ________, and you pass out cold! She said she figured when she is like this that I have a 10 minute window of opportunity to get the action started, and that I stripped got on the bed, made a few comments when she went to the bathroom. She said less than 90 seconds later when she came out I was out cold. I told her I would make it up to her and I did, 3 times!
We got our suits on, lathered up in sunscreen and hit the cliffs. Crash in the hairs for a few hours, have some fresh juice and about 14 bottles of water to rehydrate! We swim for a little bit and my wife tells me to jump off the big cliff so she can video it on my iPad. I was jazzed, ran to the room, got the iPad and went back to the cliff, gave it to my wife and took my position. When I got up there I looked down and thought that I must be nuts to have jumped yesterday and it dawned on me that it was liquid courage! It took me a few seconds to jump but I did it and was so fired up that I did. I get to the ladder and my wife says, sorry honey I forgot to push the start button, I'm like REALLY? Back up I go, I ask if she has started the video, I get the annoyed yes dear response so off I go again this time without hesitation. Get to the ladder and what do I hear but I'm sorry honey I must have stopped it before you jumped, can you do it again? By now I'm thinking with this hangover there isn't a jury in the land that would convict me if I pushed her off the cliff and something happened to her! This time I have her stand in a spot by the ladder, I start the video put the iPad in her hands and caution her to not move a muscle, that when I get out of the water I will stop the video. She starts to laugh, snort and make me crazy, I haul ass up the steps to MY perch, ask one more time if its still on and then jump. Here is the video;
I also jumped from the side of Sagi after I swam around underneath to make sure it was safe.
We decided to get cleaned up and head over to CSA around 11:30, while we were sad we were excited to see what new adventures lied in front of us. We packed up, went to say our goodbyes and to let everyone know we would be back Monday night with our crazy friends to celebrate one couples 30th Vow renewal. Mauvette was an angel, she gave us big hugs again, told us how everybody was laughing at the machete, the jumping and a few other things that I can't mention in print. As we were waiting for Rocky' guy to get us somebody came up to me to say that late last night a guy showed up late to say he brought my local supplies. Yes it was my machete wielding friend living up to his promise! By this time I was peeing in my pants from laughing so hard, I was passed the sub bag and the comment was the guy would like his machete back. You can't make this sh*t up, my wife was spitting (again) and snorting by this time. Me being the middle aged paranoid white man that I am pulled the machete out from some shrubs, "wiped it clean" and ran across the street to pass it off. It was wrapped in paper as not to get my DNA or prints on it. I'm not worried, no crimes were committed those two weeks with a machete so I'm in the clear now!
Trip to CSA was great, I can't say enough positive things about Rocky's Taxi and Tour company, they are great, funny, courteous, on time and our safety was their priority.
We get to CSA about noon or so, check in is a breeze, room not ready but room request honored, third floor corner unit in a BFVS. They tell us to leave our stuff and head out to eat drink and get merry. We walk down the path to the ocean and when we hit the beach we run into an old friend we haven't seen in 5 or 6 years from the Southeast where we used to live. Hugs, greetings and gotta get a drink! We find his wife on the beach, sit down and catch up for a little bit, soon it's time to feed the beast (me) and the wife is hungry as well. Head to the Cabana Grill for patties and jerk and a few more drinks. Food is good, but all I can think about is jerk chicken pasta I had at Ivan's last night. Wait, a memory just came back, YES I had pasta for dinner last night, did I like it, oh hell yes I did.
It's about 2:00, we head back to the beach, the clouds are rolling in a rain is fast approaching. I decide that I should check on the room and see if its ready, I leave my wife with our friends who are running up to their Premier Beachfront Suite and head to the office. Room is ready but with the hard rain they don't want to deliver the luggage. I find a bellman and ask if he has a raincoat and a few big garbage bags. I tell him to cover the luggage with the bags and we can do this, I will even help. He disappears for 3 minutes, comes back with a luggage cart with a waterproof cover and he has on a raincoat, SCORE. I dump the luggage, change my soaking wet clothes and head over to our friends porch. They have Demar, the best beach server on the island delivering drinks from the beach bar (about 25 yards away) in our anger 24 ounce Tervis glasses. Enjoy a sub, a few more drinks and its off to our room to unpack, decorate, unwind, a nap and get our groove on. After a few hours in our room the rain passed us, we showered and went off to dinner.
More tomorrow
Wow you REALLY know how to live it up. VERY impressive report ....
loving it! glad you saved the machette - lol
Absolutely freaking hilarious...the grabbing the boobs, the machete!
Nice work on the dinner
Good god man this is great!! Lmao over here
Diving the cliffs is mad fun I wish i was there now
Stir IT UP
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