An ambitious party girl who shall remain nameless managed to circumvent Seastar Inn security and knocked on my door at 8:30 in the morning on Sunday, and i sent her away without opening the door.
What can I say? When you’re not in the mood, you’re not in the mood. I think I’ve outgrown that whole scene even though it’s so common for single guys in Negril. I didn’t a little soiree with Nicky on my second day, and from that point on I was in look-but-don’t-touch mode for the whole vacation; just wasn’t turned on by that whole deal, and I’m keeping it real in this report.
Instead I went to church up the hill, though I guess I mistimed it and didn’t see anyone there today. I needed to get some Lime minutes on the phone Marko had lent me, and I’m so clueless about how to load the minutes that I went all the way down the hill to meet Marko so he could do it for me – 300j last a long time for a lot of calls.
We had coffee together at Pee Wees, then I jumped in the ocean with raft No. 2, and it was fun floating around in the caves next to Pee Wees in front of Moonlight Villas and Blue Cave Castle. I met a fellow expat named Jeff who has been in Negril for a LONG time, then bumped into Bobo up the road – and of course like so many locals he begged for money. God I hate that. I gave him 500j, but I prefer spending money with folks who are willing to work. I learned this last reach from Pearcy, when he screamed at a beggar: “I work and you don’t work!”
Then I motored to Seasplash and said hi to the bartender Natasha before more time on raft No. 1 on the ocean. There, as I floated along, I took stock of my life:
I have a good job but don’t make as much money as I would like.
I’m relatively healthy for a 50-year-old but wish I was more athletic like back in the day.
I’m got friends and lovers in Los Angeles, but I crave so much attention that I’m often desperately lonely.
My main focus for recreation is going to Negril, but I’m worried that I won’t be able to keep coming here as responsibilities build and my two young daughters get older.
I have a civil relationship with my ex-wife, but she drinks too much and is often unreasonable and unpredictable.
I’m still hurting from the death of my father 14 months ago. He died from a disease that made the last six months of his life unbearable, and it kills me that I couldn’t do enough to comfort him.
And finally, I don’t think I’m doing enough to make a difference in the world. Helping others is the most important thing in the world for me, but too often I’m fixated on my own indulgences, and there is an underlying guilt about having so much fun in Negril.
