Yep Blue your right..the wife and I were more interested in the sand, ocean, and rum punch and each other!
Yep Blue your right..
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Sometimes it's better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.
I usually travel to Jamaica solo, as a mid-50's woman, and I'm really uncomfortable with the assumption that someone of my profile is presumed to be looking to purchase sex... but the minute I hit the beach, I get hit up by potential 'husbands'. Call me a prude, but even in the States, I have to see a clean bill of health from his doctor before I'll go there. I just don't understand the mentality of some tourists (including many boardies who have posted of their wreckless activity). Consider that the prevalence of HIV infection is almost three times that in the U.S. An estimated 5% of 'sex workers' in Jamaica are infected ....... that's 1 in 20 Jamaican 'sex workers' are infected...... Given those odds, and some of the trip reports that I've seen posted here, there's probably several boardies who are HIV positive (even though they probably don't know it).
Thanks Lisa for sharing the article. I agree with 2nutz that it is worthwhile posting as not every single (or attached for that matter) woman may be aware of the game. And not every unattached woman vacationing is looking for “romance”, but those looking to sell “romance” may (likely) be looking for her while there. Having read an article such as this will help women be forewarned. After reading the article and a few visits under my belt, I have no doubt there is a “game” on the beach. Prior to a first visit, women, such as myself, may have researched taxis, tours, restaurants, and other safety concerns, but may not have stumbled across an article or thread such as this which would prepare her for being targeted by a smooth talking, flattering beach boy…with an agenda.
I am divorced/single and I wasn’t aware of the game initially. Naïve perhaps? Just didn’t come across any articles while planning a trip with my teenage son, and never gave it a thought that I may be targeted in “that way”. And I wasn’t looking for “romance”. I am middle aged, certainly don’t have the body of a 20 or 30 year old, but I don’t think I’m hideous either! lol I am not desperate, nor am I a user or predator. I had simply made a choice to finish raising my son without romantic entanglements. Been perfectly content with that for a few years, but my son is getting older now, and I’m realizing it’s time to start thinking of myself a bit.
Was I complemented by local men in Jamaica? Yes. Did I like it? Yes, it added some fun to my vacation. Did I take it with a grain of salt? Yes. Were all the complimenting men gigolos? I don’t think so.
Many local men with a real job, also have very little money. Perhaps they see the professional beach boys getting things and they want some things too. So how many full-time employed young men have opportunity to get to know and start to establish some level of friendship with tourist women while working at their jobs? Quite a few. Especially when the tourists become repeat guests at their place of work. They see tourists with nice phones, cameras etc….money to travel, not to mention, eat every day, even 3 times a day! As most, if not all, of you know, it doesn’t matter how modest some of us tourist’s incomes are, to a local, we are rich.
Over two visits, I became friends with a young man. He knew I wasn’t “looking”. I was kind and empathetic and was interested in hearing about his life. He then initiated a romantic friendship which surprised me (ok, I hadn’t read the article!). I brought up all the obvious questions, why someone twice your age? Why someone who doesn’t even live in the same country as you? Lots of whys. He answered in some fashion, which I didn’t completely buy, but gave him some benefit of doubt (which perhaps I wouldn’t have, had I read an article or thread like this prior). However, I enjoyed talking to him and he certainly gave the impression that he enjoyed talking to me. Maybe it was simply part of the game, but I never thought, “gee, I’m such an old cow, why would anyone be interested in me?” I don’t appreciate the comments here that men, young or old, couldn’t find a more mature woman attractive, even if overweight. If a woman is going to believe that, then she does have low self-esteem, another quality listed of this stereotypical “romance tourist”. Yes, a woman should be realistic and think with her head, not just focusing on what she may like to hear, that’s only smart. But, onlookers making negative, judgmental assumptions when seeing a man and woman together isn’t cool either. There are many other biases that could have others judging you negatively as well.
This particular long distance friendship I’d unexpectedly acquired, pretty much came to a standstill after I’d “donated” what little I could (was willing to) help him out with, and I more and more got the sense that he wanted things from me…more than he cared about me. I didn’t beat around the bush talking to him about what I came to feel was motivating him/what he actually cared about ($). The last I heard from him, he apologized and thanked me. I’d like to think that the dance of the game is snuffed out between us and maybe we can have a more real friendship/conversation when I’m there in the future. Even though I am well below “average” income at home and can relate to struggling financially, there is still such a huge gap between us that I don’t know if he could “give up” asking/expecting help/gifts. This is something that I’ve also been told by a couple who have been going to Negril for many years, and I’ve read about several times. Couples and individuals make friends there, get to know each other so exchange phone numbers, then inevitably you are asked for money….repeatedly. Doesn’t have to have anything to do with “romance”, although adding a touch of romance to the pot can certainly help sweeten it a bit for those asking. Adding a romance aspect makes the woman less likely to say no to requests, and if the romance is not genuine, it is manipulative and turns the woman into a victim. So it does make a difference if the woman is aware of the game before going. Romance tourists are aware, but some solo women are not.
At middle age, many women start to care less about appearances and what other people think…and live in the moment, because you never know when it’s going to be your last. You’ve (hopefully) honed your morals and matured enough so that you don’t make stupid/harmful mistakes (that jeopardize your health or others’) in the process. It can be more difficult to accomplish that when you are also single. I think that some comments and generalizations made in this thread were a bit harsh. Not all women who’ve had some type of relationship with a younger, local man, on vacation are stupid, ugly and fat with no self-esteem. Not all are using/exploiting them for “romance”. I’d like to think that if I chose to walk the beach or go out for a meal with a local man half my age that several or most onlookers would not be assuming it’s all part of that sordid scenario. In the end, onlookers don’t know the real story, and it doesn’t really matter what they think. But the woman does have to be aware of what’s going on out there, to protect herself.
Being aware, if I choose to treat a local friend with meals out while there, so what? It can be a matter of one person treating another less-fortunate person and enjoying each other’s company, not necessarily “purchasing romance”. Would I need to have a similarly aged male North American friend with us to make it appear “right” to onlookers? At this point in my life, I don’t have a significant other, and I’ve chosen to go ahead and enjoy life regardless. Traveling solo, and socializing with locals and other tourists as I choose. I’m not waiting for a man to travel with so that it appears acceptable to others.
I am not attempting to say that there are not women “romance tourists” who do seek out that kind of fun on their vacation. That was clearly outlined in the article and elsewhere. I am saying though, that there are women who travel solo who are not going with that agenda and were not initially forewarned, and that’s why sharing this article and those like it repeatedly is important. Women new to solo traveling can unwittingly get taken advantage of and hurt by those in the “game”. And solo woman, in the know, may still enjoy the company of a younger man (not saying gigolo or for sex), so onlookers, please be aware of that when making your judgments.
As do I......... Interesting thread however for those that claim to be naive.......Originally Posted by poolguywindsor
as a 50 year old male, I could never see myself with a 20 year old woman, would prefer someone closer to my age bracket
thanks for sharing your point of view, Melody.
Thumbs up Melody!
I guess what I call naïve and uniformed, others call stupid or perhaps view as a desperate cougar willing to pay for “it”. The latter definitely does/did not apply to me. I can’t speak for anyone else’s experience, expectation, or motivation, only my own. Just wanted to introduce my story and point of view as another scenario, it’s not always as others assume. Granted, my story is not that of a “romance tourist”, but that of a vacationer who may have unwittingly been affected by that “industry”. I’m sure I’m not the only one.
Sharing my experience and views does open me up for judgment. So be it. I’m a strong woman. I chose to share regardless because I think it’s important to educate, both women travelers and those making judgments/assumptions of them.
One of my worst traits is being too trusting (yes, my first used car salesman experience did not go in my favor!). Combine that with being very empathetic and unaware of the “game”, equals the perfect MO/target for scammers.
Another issue I have as a single woman who is not in the dating world at home (focusing on mom and work stuff), is that I have always enjoyed male company/friendships. Again, that is perhaps naïve to want to have male friends. I’ve discovered that it often doesn’t work long-term because the male either wants more than that, or ends up in a relationship and therefore his female friendships understandably suffer. While not always working long-term, it does seem doable during the course of a vacation – granted not real friendships, but enjoyment of company. Am I willing to pay for that? Only to the extent of buying someone less fortunate than me a meal. Am I talking about sex? No. Do onlookers have a problem with that? It seems many do. I guess I could limit my vacation company options to tourists in my age group, but then I’m not really learning more about the country I’m in and the daily life/views of locals (except by hearsay) – which happens to be a big part of what I’m hoping to achieve while on vacation. I always knew to be cautious - experience, articles and threads like these have alerted me to be even moreso in certain areas.
There does, in general, appear to be a desire by society/onlookers to need to put a situation into a certain category that one has pre-determined….and ram that square peg into a round hole, no matter that it doesn’t always really fit. It’s not always as black and white as people would like it to be. As always, there are shades of grey (lol – not the book!)
You're welcome, Melody and thank you for your candor in your post.
I would like to give you a different perspective of which I'm sure a few women may not like...but as a woman living here in Jamaica & with everything I see and hear on a daily basis...I don't even come close to seeing the woman as a victim.
As women, we ridicule and berate men for having a female companion half their age and are quick to assume their relationship is one sided with the men paying for everything.
We never call the men victims when they run out of money and the young girl moves on to someone else...we laugh and say they should have known better and it serves the men right for not being with someone age appropriate. We may have seen the same thing happen in LC's trip report...some are cheering him on, but probably wouldn't feel sorry for him if it all turned out badly....as women we feel the older man should have known better.
So, as the saying goes...."with age comes wisdom" and the young men are half the women's age...sooooooo.....
Why should it be any different for a older woman that should have known better?
Last edited by Bnewb; 08-28-2013 at 11:39 AM.
Melody...to add to your second comment...
Unfortunately, with the sheer numbers of this type relationship (older women with a much younger man) it's a natural assumption that this will be going on with you. Don't take it personally...it just is what it is!!
I have much, much more to add....but let's just leave it at this!!!
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