A Heart Wrenching Prayer
I had a little anxiety before heading out for this trip. As many of you know I lost by BFF in October and she left behind 3 beautiful children ages 13,11 and 3. My son and her middle daughter were born 1 month apart so we raised them together like BFF's do. Since this incident, my mind is often occupied on if it was me and not her. And how my son would be in the situation her kids are. It tears me apart to even think about it but I cant help it. I think my son feels the same way. We are both more aware than ever that we may be seperated before we know it and thats the way life is. We have had our talks but a lot of our fears we do not speak on them. We only speak positivity. But I have told him that if something does happen its Gods will and just know I love him and keep God first and he'll conquer anything that life throws his way weither I am there or not.
The night before our scheduled departure I had major anxiety. I did want to leave my son. I did not want to go to Jamaica. I just wanted to stay home. I prayed a long, hard, prayer. Spilling my heart and desires and pleading for safety during my travels. After the tears drenched my pillow, I released all my anxieties and fears and just stood on faith and went to sleep knowing that what will be will be.When it was time to leave, I hugged him tight and kissed him. He looked at me like he did not want me to leave but he did not want me to know he was a little worried. I forced once foot in front of the other and got into the car to go to the airport.My insides are in a know but I'm trying to be strong and just walk out on faith. Off to the airport I go with knots still in the pit of my stomach.